Club SAHM

[janet88]

Knowing the expensive psychiatrist fees cost even in hospitals, I saw doctor at polyclinic. Was referred to this very patient doc at AH…under subsidized rate. Though my anxiety is controlled, it can still go haywire sometimes. Unfortunately, I am allergic to the generic medication.

[SAHM Chew]

TheAnswer:

SAHM Chew:

Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Why does he need to quit immediately? Can you talk him out of it?

It is not immediately. It had been an issue for the past 6 Mths, n he could not take it anymore, despite working for the same boss for over 10yrs. The problems arises a year ago, n he could not tolerate the boss, morale is very low, staffs morales are low too.

[SAHM Chew]

ngl2010:

SAHM Chew:

Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.

[SAHM Chew]

ammonite:

Good point. SIL is teacher. One of her students' father was found in the river. Officially it was misadventure, but another colleague who knew the father said he had depression.


SAHM Chew,
I have seen relatives family going through financial difficulties, from very rich to bankruptcy, family abandoned by father/husband, husband lose respectable in and go to prison, dying child.

The worst, the absolute worst, is having to nurse a dying child. Money can be earned back, broken families can heal, prison can come out and start again. Dying child is a forever pain.

The best is to provide your husband with a listening ear, tell him The family can make adjustments and pull through together. Your sons may surprise you with their grit and tenacity and whatever happens now, may be the event that turned them into strong men in future.

Look through your finances and see how long they can last. Then you can have a better idea how to move forward.

I am trying to be supportive, but deep down, I know that savings tap into are unable to save back. Since he is highly paid, when he quit and even if he manage to get another job, the new pay will be much lesser and may not even covered our daily expenses. Even if it does, there is no way we can save back what we have used.
I did look through our finances and I do know how long they can last. But I am more worried if the finances run out before he can find a job.

[ngl2010]

SAHM Chew:

ngl2010:

[quote=\"SAHM Chew\"]Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.[/quote]If the boss knows, what can the boss do? Your husband had made up his mind, right? If the boss wants to fire him, at least your husband will get 1 month salary as compensation, right?

[metz]

Hi SAHM Chew,


Is it possible for your husband to hang on a little longer while you assess how you can help in the interim?

My hubby might be facing a career change in 2+ years’ time, which will lead to a drastic change in our monthly financial situation too. It’s a change that he has been holding off for the longest time. So, when the time comes, we’ll have to bit the bullet. But in the meantime, I am also actively keeping a lookout for future possibilities that will help supplement income.

If my memory serves me well, you were a former teacher, right? How about giving group lessons to help tide over the financial situation for the time being?

[sleepy]

ngl2010:

SAHM Chew:

[quote=\"ngl2010\"]
Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.

If the boss knows, what can the boss do? Your husband had made up his mind, right? If the boss wants to fire him, at least your husband will get 1 month salary as compensation, right?[/quote]

Maybe he is worried existing boss will sabotage his attempt to look for new job if news travelled back to his boss? And make things more difficult for himwhile he's still on lookout?

Actually if boss is so mean can still sabo after he quit without job. for senior position , hirer typically will ask for reference from previous employer

[ammonite]

SAHM Chew:

ammonite:

Good point. SIL is teacher. One of her students' father was found in the river. Officially it was misadventure, but another colleague who knew the father said he had depression.


SAHM Chew,
I have seen relatives family going through financial difficulties, from very rich to bankruptcy, family abandoned by father/husband, husband lose respectable in and go to prison, dying child.

The worst, the absolute worst, is having to nurse a dying child. Money can be earned back, broken families can heal, prison can come out and start again. Dying child is a forever pain.

The best is to provide your husband with a listening ear, tell him The family can make adjustments and pull through together. Your sons may surprise you with their grit and tenacity and whatever happens now, may be the event that turned them into strong men in future.

Look through your finances and see how long they can last. Then you can have a better idea how to move forward.

I am trying to be supportive, but deep down, I know that savings tap into are unable to save back. Since he is highly paid, when he quit and even if he manage to get another job, the new pay will be much lesser and may not even covered our daily expenses. Even if it does, there is no way we can save back what we have used.
I did look through our finances and I do know how long they can last. But I am more worried if the finances run out before he can find a job.

No way to cut back on expenses? Or change field? I know a guy out of job for three years, also over forty and over qualified. But track record also not very good. If your hubby has a good track record, his chances could be quite good.

[smartmummy]

a person want to quit the job, need to give one/two months notice, right?in this period he also can find job.

[Funz]

SAHM Chew:

TheAnswer:

[quote=\"SAHM Chew\"]Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Why does he need to quit immediately? Can you talk him out of it?

It is not immediately. It had been an issue for the past 6 Mths, n he could not take it anymore, despite working for the same boss for over 10yrs. The problems arises a year ago, n he could not tolerate the boss, morale is very low, staffs morales are low too.[/quote]Has your DH tendered his resignation? DH was in a similar position, he quit from a high paying job as he was unhappy and felt that he could not continue in that company. Though he found another job quickly enough, he ended up being even more unhappy. His pay literally fell to 50% of what he was drawing when in the 1st company. Left again and joined another company only to have to leave again due to some restructuring and he was not willing to be posted overseas. But he was lucky to be given a severance package. He was jobless for about 9months and was living on savings that we have put aside as our retirement funds. On top of that he was still paying a very high income tax from his previous job.

It was easier for us as I am also working and drawing a decent income. But it was also worrying and DH felt very insecure everytime he needs to draw from our savings. But at the end of the day, for me, I'd rather we use those savings now than keep holding on to it as I can see that DH was really very unhappy and he was depressed. He even sent me an email saying he wished to end it all.

Put your worries aside for now. Take a good look at your savings and how far it can take you. Look into areas where you can cut back. And if possible, consider rejoining the workforce. While you are working all these out, tell your DH to hang in there. Most of the time, people may feel slightly better when they know that something is being done and there may be hope for a change coming.

:hugs: