Child wants to quit piano
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Dreamauroa, no doubt you are a dedicated and passionate piano teacher, and you have achieved very impressive results that many teachers can only dream of. But I think you have to understand that not everyone can share the same level of commitment that you have. You may be fortunate to have students who share your belief and expectations, but I think most will be glad to take their own time and be happy making music on some cheap pianos.
I think like what bzmum22 said, teachers like Dreamaurora can do wonders if parents and children are willing to commit and make the extra effort. But if this is not the case, a more relaxed and lesser caliber teacher will perhaps be more suitable. -
DD has been learning piano since 7 years old. She is 15 this year and is doing Grade 6 (consider as slow as some already doing G8 in secondary school). She has been telling me that she has no interest in piano and wants to quit. My husband and I are against it cos we find that its a waste to quit halfway. She could also use it to earn a livelihood in the future or if she has a family next time, she can be a part time piano teacher so that she is able to spend time with her children while teaching at home (something that I am unable to do as I did not have the chance to learn piano when I was young). We feel that at this stage, she still does not know what is good for her. However, we can sense that she dreads going for piano classes, she says that its so boring. Its also very difficult to get her to practice, she would give excuses or will just skim through just to satisfy us. We have tried talking to her numerous times telling her the benefits of learning piano, somtimes she would just shrug it off with an unwilling attitude, other time, she would get into a "debate" with us on why learning piano is of no use to her. Sometimes, we are tempted to let her quit, it could save us a few hundred dollars too. However, most of the time, we find that one should not give up half way. At the same time, we are also afraid that if we allow her to quit halfway, it would also influence her brother into quitting piano too. We are quite lost and wonder if any other parents have similar experience and how did you handle it?
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also-mummy:
DD has been learning piano since 7 years old. She is 15 this year and is doing Grade 6 (consider as slow as some already doing G8 in secondary school). She has been telling me that she has no interest in piano and wants to quit. My husband and I are against it cos we find that its a waste to quit halfway. She could also use it to earn a livelihood in the future or if she has a family next time, she can be a part time piano teacher so that she is able to spend time with her children while teaching at home (something that I am unable to do as I did not have the chance to learn piano when I was young). We feel that at this stage, she still does not know what is good for her. However, we can sense that she dreads going for piano classes, she says that its so boring. Its also very difficult to get her to practice, she would give excuses or will just skim through just to satisfy us. We have tried talking to her numerous times telling her the benefits of learning piano, somtimes she would just shrug it off with an unwilling attitude, other time, she would get into a \"debate\" with us on why learning piano is of no use to her. Sometimes, we are tempted to let her quit, it could save us a few hundred dollars too. However, most of the time, we find that one should not give up half way. At the same time, we are also afraid that if we allow her to quit halfway, it would also influence her brother into quitting piano too. We are quite lost and wonder if any other parents have similar experience and how did you handle it?
First of all, why do you call it 'half-way'? Is grade 8 or diploma 'all the way'? She already has a decent music foundation on which to build if she ever wants to continue one day. At 15yo, she is old enough to know her own mind, or at least old enough to realise that she has to bear the consequences of her decision if she regrets later. As for using it to earn money later on, how good is she? If she isn't really talented or interested, then getting a grade 8 cert won't help her teach music. I have a grade 8 in theory and piano, but play so badly and don't have enough interest that I would never teach. I have other skills which I can use to earn a living, and I'm sure your daughter will have other skills too. Could it be that you are trying to live your missed chance to learn music through your daughter? I have had my fill of my father doing that to me, and from the child's point of view, it's a burden to do things just because your parents didn't have the chance to do them. As for experience, I did soldier on to grade 8, but my brother only made it grade 2 - he was so disinterested that both he and the teacher were so relieved when my parents finally gave in and let him stop. I was a little more interested and more obedient. I would vote for letting your daughter decide for herself. -
also-mummy:
DD has been learning piano since 7 years old. She is 15 this year and is doing Grade 6 (consider as slow as some already doing G8 in secondary school). She has been telling me that she has no interest in piano and wants to quit. My husband and I are against it cos we find that its a waste to quit halfway. She could also use it to earn a livelihood in the future or if she has a family next time, she can be a part time piano teacher so that she is able to spend time with her children while teaching at home (something that I am unable to do as I did not have the chance to learn piano when I was young). We feel that at this stage, she still does not know what is good for her. However, we can sense that she dreads going for piano classes, she says that its so boring. Its also very difficult to get her to practice, she would give excuses or will just skim through just to satisfy us. We have tried talking to her numerous times telling her the benefits of learning piano, somtimes she would just shrug it off with an unwilling attitude, other time, she would get into a \"debate\" with us on why learning piano is of no use to her. Sometimes, we are tempted to let her quit, it could save us a few hundred dollars too. However, most of the time, we find that one should not give up half way. At the same time, we are also afraid that if we allow her to quit halfway, it would also influence her brother into quitting piano too. We are quite lost and wonder if any other parents have similar experience and how did you handle it?
As a parent, I can perfectly understand where you are coming from. But if we see the effort that we put into our children's education as an investment into their future, we are setting ourselves up for major disappointments should the future not pan out as we had planned or hope for. Listen to your child. She is at a point whereby it is ok to stop and she can pick it up again it the future when she finally find a reason herself to complete the grade.
It is much more efficient to teach the willing, than to bore the unwilling. She will probably do much better should she decide to continue in future on her own accord. -
also-mummy:
DD has been learning piano since 7 years old. She is 15 this year and is doing Grade 6 (consider as slow as some already doing G8 in secondary school). She has been telling me that she has no interest in piano and wants to quit. My husband and I are against it cos we find that its a waste to quit halfway. She could also use it to earn a livelihood in the future or if she has a family next time, she can be a part time piano teacher so that she is able to spend time with her children while teaching at home (something that I am unable to do as I did not have the chance to learn piano when I was young). We feel that at this stage, she still does not know what is good for her. However, we can sense that she dreads going for piano classes, she says that its so boring. Its also very difficult to get her to practice, she would give excuses or will just skim through just to satisfy us. We have tried talking to her numerous times telling her the benefits of learning piano, somtimes she would just shrug it off with an unwilling attitude, other time, she would get into a \"debate\" with us on why learning piano is of no use to her. Sometimes, we are tempted to let her quit, it could save us a few hundred dollars too. However, most of the time, we find that one should not give up half way. At the same time, we are also afraid that if we allow her to quit halfway, it would also influence her brother into quitting piano too. We are quite lost and wonder if any other parents have similar experience and how did you handle it?
I am not a parent
, but I have been through this before. My parents have signed me up for piano since I was 5-6 years old (!!!) and only now (I am in Primary 5) am I in Grade 3! :yikes:
My mother also signed my younger brothers up, and just a few days ago my brother wanted to quit, but my mother used her Amazing Powers Of Persuasion to persuade him to not quit, though he is still very...upset over the need to play the piano. (Actually, my parents felt the temptation too, as they were spending a lot of money on this, only to have us waste it, but they felt that it would be a waste to quit halfway)
I am also like that, though I actually like playing the piano, but to my OWN WISHES, and not like, 'okay you tell me to practice, I immediately will' kind of type. I am the 'procrastinate, then quickly hurry revise and do' type. :offtopic: <--a bit, you have to admit...
I think the best solution, is to try to sympathise with her, then play 'guilty cards', as that was what my mother did with my brother. And he finally relented...
Hope this helps! (And please don't mind my horrible spelling...I am absolutely horrible at spelling) -
I was one of those parents who wished her kid would learn playing piano because I never got a chance to do so when young.
Even though I knew my elder kid exhibit more interest in art than music or dance, I signed her up for ballet and piano and kept her away from drawing and painting.
I didn’t need her to be very accomplished. I just wanted her to grow up knowing how to play piano and appreciate music and dance in ways I would never know.
But she has never got excited at the idea of playing the piano or going for its lessons. I was short of dragging her to the piano for practices. It was stressful and unhappy for both of us.
She was often chastised during ballet lessons as she never did her footwork at home, to the point of being sneered at by her ballet classmates.
She asked me to allow her to drop both, one at a time.
I had some of the considerations you have. Plus it was an expensive affair to have spent $8.6k on a piano just for grade one.
My main consideration was: would my allowing her to drop the piano lessons be viewed as the permission to drop tasks that are challenging.
But as a child, I wouldn’t be happy if I am forced to do things I don’t delight in.
So I let her.
Your daughter has completed grade 6. It’s at a stage where she can pick up from where she has left off if she so desires in future. And she’s a teenager. Kids at this age already know what they want or don’t want. I feel that it’s quite safe to listen to her. -
Hi also-mummy
I have two cousins who learnt piano to grade 8 because their parents insisted. They completed but seldom touch the piano … they will never consider teaching piano since they never liked it. -
Hearing your stories encourages me in a way. My ds has been learning the piano for around 5 yrs and is only taking grade 2 exam mid of this yr. It’s slow with a capital S. Everyone we know is jumping grade and doing more advance stuff, even those who started later than him.
We kept reminding ourselves there’s no rush to complete grades, considering that ds is only so-so in musical aptitude. Without pressure from us, he’s willing to practise daily w/o us nagging at him and even volunteered to perform on the stage twice.
The truth is, one doesn’t need to be excellent in music to enjoy music. My son is living proof. And ultimately, that’s all we want - his enjoyment (admittedly, sometimes the temptation to switch to "kiasu" mode is strong, hehe). -
also-mummy,
It is hard to force a teenager to do something. I have a niece and a nephew that quit piano around age 15 too. Now at age 17 and 19, they play piano again for relaxation (no teacher) at their own will. The parents are so delighted although the children play only pop songs nowadays.
As simkhoo said, your daughter would have other skills to earn a living. I, myself, quit piano when I was Grade 3. I feel playing piano is very difficult for me and it is boring to play into perfection. However, I am good at Maths so I know that I can always teach Maths if I need to. -
also-mummy:
DD has been learning piano since 7 years old. She is 15 this year and is doing Grade 6 (consider as slow as some already doing G8 in secondary school). She has been telling me that she has no interest in piano and wants to quit. My husband and I are against it cos we find that its a waste to quit halfway. She could also use it to earn a livelihood in the future or if she has a family next time, she can be a part time piano teacher so that she is able to spend time with her children while teaching at home (something that I am unable to do as I did not have the chance to learn piano when I was young). We feel that at this stage, she still does not know what is good for her. However, we can sense that she dreads going for piano classes, she says that its so boring. Its also very difficult to get her to practice, she would give excuses or will just skim through just to satisfy us. We have tried talking to her numerous times telling her the benefits of learning piano, somtimes she would just shrug it off with an unwilling attitude, other time, she would get into a \"debate\" with us on why learning piano is of no use to her. Sometimes, we are tempted to let her quit, it could save us a few hundred dollars too. However, most of the time, we find that one should not give up half way. At the same time, we are also afraid that if we allow her to quit halfway, it would also influence her brother into quitting piano too. We are quite lost and wonder if any other parents have similar experience and how did you handle it?
15 years old doing grade 6 is not slow; bear in mind that grade 8 ABRMS is originally designed to be attempted when one is around 17-18 years of age.
Anyway, a couple things I notice from what you write. You tried to convince your daughter the benefits of piano learning in the hope she can understand it and practice. Though some teenagers have high degree of intrinsic motivations and are strong willed enough to push through an activity they don't really enjoy for a future benefit or usage, most teenagers don't.
So with this in mind, you should try to EMPATHIZE with your daughter instead. You can ask her why does she think lesson is boring. Ask her what piano music she likes and buy CD or score for her, yes even if it's popular stuff. Go to concerts together and listen music together at home. You can even pick up piano together with your daughter if you wish to. Embrace music making together with her, instead of being a passive spectator.
Second, I suspect your daughter has poor chemistry with her current teacher. Teenagers often crave for a mentor who can connect and inspire. Some piano teachers, especially older generations tend to be more conservative and treat piano lessons very formally. Not all teenagers will enjoy lessons by these teachers. So best you talk to her and if this is the case, you can try switching teacher to see if the situation improves.
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