don't really know how to talk to wife

[sleepy]

TheAnswer:

From what I can see here, sleepy and I are slightly high maintenance wives while vinegar and Jennifer are low maintenance wives.


I have the tendency to show attitude if DH doesn't show me concern (like he is absorbed in his own stuff and does not talk much) for around 5 days. I sulk and I won't let him sleep unless I am satisfied. I always need to voice out my unhappiness otherwise it will affect my work. I was spoiled by him when we were dating. We used to talk for hours on the phone in the early days of our relationship.

Usually when DH is stressed with his work, I get annoyed also because I get neglected. I usually wait a few days then I will try to tell him how I feel. He always say that I'm not the super understanding type. As if he only realized after marriage
No hugs --> I complain. Must hug then I feel good. He always say I am so insecure. Nothing is wrong. Only he feel stressed out so can't give me as much attention.

No la, no la, I won't do any of the above :rotflmao:




I'm high maintenance in the sense that a harsh tone, an irritated expression from dh would all hurt me. I expect him to talk to me nicely, cannot sound pek chek, pass sarcastic remarks or nitpick on me

I let my dh work. Busy is good because it means dh's boss values him

[sleepy]

Harlequin:

Men have this in-born sense of being a \"provider\"... that's what they do best. Maybe that's why they are workaholics

Between my dh & I, I think I'm the one who is more ambitious. I will propose him a target (achievable target of course) we brainstorm how to achieve that target, I'm the one motivating & encouraging him to aim higher to reach (my) target.
I 'know' almost all his colleagues in office even though I've not actually met them. I actively participate in decisions like when to switch jobs, how to negotiate pay package, everything I chip in my view. Two brains better than one.

But I'm not career minded at all when it comes to myself. Happy to be 没出息 & stay home.
So conflictling right :scratchhead:

[Harlequin]

sleepy:

Harlequin:

Men have this in-born sense of being a \"provider\"... that's what they do best. Maybe that's why they are workaholics

Between my dh & I, I think I'm the one who is ambitious. I will propose him a target, we brainstorm how to achieve that target, I'm always the one motivating & encouraging him to aim higher to reach (my) target.
I 'know' almost all his colleagues in office even though I've not met actually them. I actively participate in decision like when to switch jobs, how to negotiate pay package, everything I chip in my view. Two brains better than one. The only thing I short of doing is physically working in his office :rotflmao:

But I'm not career minded at all when it comes to myself. Happy to be 没出息 & stay home. So conflictling right :scratchhead:

Kudos! :salute: :celebrate:
I must learn from you.... I am too blur when comes to hubby's business things, and he is not really that good in sharing :sad:
Once in a blue moon when he asked me to spare time he wants to talk to me, I know surely it's bad news, damn scared :nailbite:

[Imami]

Jennifer:

sleepy:

[quote=\"Imami\"]My husband ever told me this - a wife should not make a man choose between/among his family (his parents and siblings), his career and her. Becos she would emerge as a loser.


He said so long as the wife didnt make her husband make difficult choices, there would surely be a place for her in his heart and that he would always come home (emotionally).

With this in mind, I have not made him choose and hardly compete for his attention with his work/family/mother. I don't want to lose. And true enough, he \"always come back\".

Of cos there are times when he \"treat me like transparent\" but after all these years, I have come to realize that is becos he has something on his mind and tha I shd wait patiently for him.

In another word, you're expected to 逆来顺受 :yikes:

aka understanding wife[/quote]Nah..... I can be a 武则天 if I want to and he knows that enough to know not to ruffle my feathers. But it does shed some light (for me) to understand the macho brain better. I see it as giving him some space. After all, he is as good as his words - there is a space for me in his heart. Recently, he brought tears to my eyes when he told me that he would not hesitate to go under the knife (eg to donate bone marrow or part of his liver etc) if he is needed to save me. He said, becos I am his queen. in his heart, after all these years, after turning from hello kitty (read:cute) to a plain fat cat, I am still his queen. And since I am still his queen and the mother of his prince, what more to ask.

[TheAnswer]

sleepy:

TheAnswer:

From what I can see here, sleepy and I are slightly high maintenance wives while vinegar and Jennifer are low maintenance wives.


I have the tendency to show attitude if DH doesn't show me concern (like he is absorbed in his own stuff and does not talk much) for around 5 days. I sulk and I won't let him sleep unless I am satisfied. I always need to voice out my unhappiness otherwise it will affect my work. I was spoiled by him when we were dating. We used to talk for hours on the phone in the early days of our relationship.

Usually when DH is stressed with his work, I get annoyed also because I get neglected. I usually wait a few days then I will try to tell him how I feel. He always say that I'm not the super understanding type. As if he only realized after marriage
No hugs --> I complain. Must hug then I feel good. He always say I am so insecure. Nothing is wrong. Only he feel stressed out so can't give me as much attention.

No la, no la, I won't do any of the above :rotflmao:




I'm high maintenance in the sense that a harsh tone, an irritated expression from dh would all hurt me. I expect him to talk to me nicely, cannot sound pek chek, pass sarcastic remarks or nitpick on me

I let my dh work. Busy is good because it means dh's boss values him

Those highlighted happens when I am already bottling it up for a while. I am definitely not understanding in this aspect. But luckily, the above highlight hasn't been recurring regularly. I have a lot to learn from the jiejies here.

When DH brings work home, I let him work first but there are times when after work he dozes off straightaway or play computer games. That's when my attitude will show. I need a lot of sayang sayang.

[Imami]

sleepy:

Yes, no doubt both of you are 贤妻 and so 坚强 :salute:

Imami, I recalled you mentioned in another thread that you scrub your IL's toilet when heavily pregnant... left such deep impression on me :nailbite:

If you recalled my reply to you then, 'I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.'

I won't be so understanding to that extent for sure.

If Imami's dh definition of understanding wife is to that level...
I definitely can't match up, won't even attempt to try.

I guess I won't qualify to be 贤妻 then. I rather be selfish & spoiled, my emotional needs have to be met. No way I will tolerate being transparent :siam:

Just wonder do you feel happy to be so self-sacrifising? Sorry, I've no intention of critising you at all. Just wondering out loud.
Sigh.. my friend is like that too. Just feeling 感慨 when I think of her because she doesn't seem that happy

My sincere apologies if you don't like what I said

I assume the most part is talking to me la hor...

I don't find myself a  贤妻 . Sure I keep the house, mind the kid, take care of his parents etc but for some strange reason, I don't think I hv done well enough. The prob with me is I am always too harsh on myself - I can always find bone in eggs. Haiz... I wish I am kinder to myself most of the time this days.

 坚强？ I also donno. I still cry, you know, after all that I hv been thru.

Yes, I remembered your reply. And I was kind of shock by your reaction. While I was not entirely thrilled by it, I never felt  委屈 scrubbing toilet.mil's toilet bowl to be precise. Today I just visited her and saw the same toilet bowl again. Boi, it felt like seeing An old friend! Hahah aha ok, I am sick :siao:

My husband had never asked me to scrub mil's toilet. I did it on the encouragement and guidance from my own mother. My mother once said to me - if u marry a good man, please remember to be nice to your mil, for she had raised this good man. I told my mum about how my mil was doing all the chores and that her children were so messy. My mum encouraged me to help mil. She said it was for my own good and that she said \"practice makes perfect\". True enough, doing chores in my home/my parent's and my in laws' hone my skills and time management. Now doing chores is quite normal for me.

Don't worry, I am not offended and I understand why you apologize. Sometimes we want to ask something but we are not sure how the other party perceive (especially when we think the other party is a \"victim\"). 

I don't feel like I have sacrificed. Not when i was still scrubbing her toilet bowl nor now. I would agree if someone say- my husband can pursue and fly in his career because he has a wife like me. without a wife like me, keeping everything in good running condition,  他可以高枕无忧吗？

To a large extent, I believe How I treated his parents and what I hv done he  心知肚明。And I dare say, my husband would not have been as grateful for a wife like me if I have not been that nice to his parents.

The scrubbing Toilet bowl was never intended to be a self sacrificial stunt. I dont believe in self sacrificing and I wont choose it if I can, even thou i may have unwittedly done it. The years of being all alone holding the fort has taken a toll on me. but I don't regret the hard work. I dare say if my husband were to bring back another woman (commit adultery), he would get it from his own family. How many in laws would stand fiercely defending their dil, when their sons commit ema? I would say not many becos most would try to hide behind the  我们老了，管不了. But I have the confidence that my pil would side me.

Actually sleepy, I hold you in high esteemed based on what you write and how u write. I am sure if u r a working mum, you would have been one of those who can juggle a great career and family. Even as a Sahm, I am sure your family benefits from such an intelligent and thoughtful mum/wife.

[TheAnswer]

I feel guilty to know that so many other wives are more understanding than me no wonder I always get smacked on my bum. I must have been really naughty bad behavior must spank :spank:

[Imami]

TheAnswer:

I feel guilty to know that so many other wives are more understanding than me no wonder I always get smacked on my bum. I must have been really naughty bad behavior must spank :spank:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: no la, it's your fleshy bum. I am quite sure if yours is one of those flat flat one's, there won't be so many piak piak.

[TheAnswer]

sleepy:

Harlequin:

Men have this in-born sense of being a \"provider\"... that's what they do best. Maybe that's why they are workaholics

Between my dh & I, I think I'm the one who is more ambitious. I will propose him a target (achievable target of course) we brainstorm how to achieve that target, I'm the one motivating & encouraging him to aim higher to reach (my) target.
I 'know' almost all his colleagues in office even though I've not actually met them. I actively participate in decisions like when to switch jobs, how to negotiate pay package, everything I chip in my view. Two brains better than one.

But I'm not career minded at all when it comes to myself. Happy to be 没出息 & stay home.
So conflictling right :scratchhead:

Same here. DH also ask me for advice when he wants to change his job or had to deal with a difficult colleague. I help him analyse and straighten out the thoughts. I met some of his colleagues before at first month celebrations, wedding dinners or bumped into them outside.

[TheAnswer]

Imami:

TheAnswer:

I feel guilty to know that so many other wives are more understanding than me no wonder I always get smacked on my bum. I must have been really naughty bad behavior must spank :spank:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: no la, it's your fleshy bum. I am quite sure if yours is one of those flat flat one's, there won't be so many piak piak.

But everyone is understanding. Guilt is eating me up. Time to reflect :torchme: