All About Autism

[braverymom]

Usually when things happened, the one that being affected the most is always mother. I felt upset too when I saw my son was being isolated by friend’s children when we had a gathering last year. But lately when we gathered again, then I noticed, that child of my friend is an introvert shy girl.


Sometimes we are just being too sensitive when something happen. There is a boy that I know of, 7 years old mild autistic boy. he also will make statement like your son did, eg: I hate all of you, I want all of you to die, I want to beat all of you till death! That horrified us, then when we asked the teacher, the teacher said the friends don’t mean to teast him, but was trying to make him talk, just that children being children, can’t control their tone. Actually those sentences, he picked it up from his mom! His mom was frustrated about his learning disabilities, and spit out those word uncontrollable. It is really important for mother to stay calm.

[nugget]

Sorry to rant again.


After the trip, my son is fussing when he goes to his mainstream CC again. This morning screamed and sat on the floor. Sigh…

Tonight must do social story with him already. And keep telling him he must be good boy and go to school happily.

[nugget]

braverymom:

Usually when things happened, the one that being affected the most is always mother. I felt upset too when I saw my son was being isolated by friend's children when we had a gathering last year. But lately when we gathered again, then I noticed, that child of my friend is an introvert shy girl.


Sometimes we are just being too sensitive when something happen. There is a boy that I know of, 7 years old mild autistic boy. he also will make statement like your son did, eg: I hate all of you, I want all of you to die, I want to beat all of you till death! That horrified us, then when we asked the teacher, the teacher said the friends don't mean to teast him, but was trying to make him talk, just that children being children, can't control their tone. Actually those sentences, he picked it up from his mom! His mom was frustrated about his learning disabilities, and spit out those word uncontrollable. It is really important for mother to stay calm.

Yes, I feel sad when our child is being outcast.. I guessed we also need to learn how to keep our chin up. Cos the children will sense our mood.
I guess you are right about being the sensitive part cos I am sure children dun dwell on unhappy things.. only adult does. Haha.

Ya, my son keep saying this die , that die, i want this to die.. aiyo. Not so nice. Must teach him to say appropriately.
My young kid now keep saying \"Lah\" when he speaks. At home we don't speak \"lah\", \"leh\"... hope he don't make it a habit.

[sharonkhoo]

nugget:

Yes, I feel sad when our child is being outcast.. I guessed we also need to learn how to keep our chin up. Cos the children will sense our mood. I guess you are right about being the sensitive part cos I am sure children dun dwell on unhappy things.. only adult does. Haha.


Ya, my son keep saying this die , that die, i want this to die.. aiyo. Not so nice. Must teach him to say appropriately.
My young kid now keep saying \"Lah\" when he speaks. At home we don't speak \"lah\", \"leh\"... hope he don't make it a habit.

Is your son introverted or extroverted? My daughter is an introvert, so it makes it easier when she is left out as she doesn't really care. I always hope that there will be someone who will try to involve her and accept her, and in a large steady group like a school class, there will usually be some. It's more touch and go whether there will be such people in small ad hoc groups like at a resort. Often, when I think it's likely that she will be left out or that she won't like all the activities, I will tell her to bringa book or drawing materials along (things she likes to do) so she has something to do if she doesn't participate. They also act as conversation starters if there are people interested to ask what she's up to.

Kids pick up words and speech expressions from the people around them. Someone probably uses 'die' a lot in his hearing. Try to get him to be more moderate and acurate in his expression by asking him if he really means what he says, and then teach him other ways of expressing his feelings.

[nugget]

Thanks slmkhoo,


My son introvert type. Ya, I was very apprehensive about sending him to the kids club. But he keep saying he wanted to go, so I let him. I was even checking and stalking him after 1 hour to ensure he is not left behind.

Ya I guessed I wasn’t prepared about the teasing part. Cos I thought usually he wont get any attention and people will leave him alone. Anyway lesson learnt.

Yup the "die" word is pretty new in his dictionary. Yup, maybe I will ask him if he really want all his friends to die etc…and tell him its not nice to say things like that.

[ImMeeMee]

nugget


sorry to hear about the bad encounter. But I hope you had good moments too during your holiday.

Call me one over-protective mum, but I will not let my ASD doter into a new environment without us unless I am confident there is sufficient care for her, eg. my elder gals can take care of her, or that there are adult supervisors who are familiar with her care giving. Cos the thought of her being left helpless or left alone or worse still being bullied is really too much for me to bear.

But slowly I am beginning also to let her venture out, eg. going to the IKEA playground with my two elder gals for an hour without us, or letting her go on excursions with her school without us. I guess it will take some time before we will ever let her venture out alone.

Maybe besides telling your son about being a good boy and going to school feeling happy, you may like to try telling him the reasons that he can feel happy about going to school, eg. playing with favorite toys, reading favorite books, seeing favorite friends or teachers. I have been teaching my doter about why-because logic, and when I teach her about being brave I tell her why she is brave and what she has done to qualify her being a brave girl. In a way, I think certain things which are plain obvious to us may not be as intuitive to them. Its also a good way to teach critical thinking. Two cents worth.

[ImMeeMee]

BTW my doter doesn't use the word 'die' but at one stage she used the word 'coocoo bird' a lot. :oops:


Actually in itself and literally there is nothing wrong with the word cos there is really a bird called the cuckoo bird. But given its connotation, you can imagine how socially embarrassing that is. That's ASD, they don't know the social cues. :sad:

So I taught her that the word is a 'bad' word and she should not use it. My doter is very much motivated by doing what is 'correct' and what is 'good', and avoiding what is 'wrong' and what is 'bad'. So after a few embarrassing blurts and reinforcing to her about not using the word because it is 'bad', she somehow stopped using the word ...

I don't know whether this strategy works for your son but maybe another way is to teach him the appropriate words to use when he wants to express his displeasure about certain people. Hope this helps.

[nugget]

ImMeeMee:

BTW my doter doesn't use the word 'die' but at one stage she used the word 'coocoo bird' a lot. :oops:


Actually in itself and literally there is nothing wrong with the word cos there is really a bird called the cuckoo bird. But given its connotation, you can imagine how socially embarrassing that is. That's ASD, they don't know the social cues. :sad:

So I taught her that the word is a 'bad' word and she should not use it. My doter is very much motivated by doing what is 'correct' and what is 'good', and avoiding what is 'wrong' and what is 'bad'. So after a few embarrassing blurts and reinforcing to her about not using the word because it is 'bad', she somehow stopped using the word ...

I don't know whether this strategy works for your son but maybe another way is to teach him the appropriate words to use when he wants to express his displeasure about certain people. Hope this helps.

ImMeeMee,

Thanks for your suggestions. I will applied them at home tonight. They reasoning with them \"Why\" is good. Usually I just tell him \"You must go to school because no one is looking after you\" etc etc.. Maybe I should try another approach telling him about what he can do in school etc.

Yes, after drawing him out from kid's club, I kept him by my side. We did have a good time
Thats why now he doesnt want to go to school and he say we will go back to the resort next week. Funny guy..
But you are right about letting go part. Sigh.. At some point, we need to let them try out things on their own. I am always worrying about him.

[ImMeeMee]

nugget:

ImMeeMee,

Thanks for your suggestions. I will applied them at home tonight. They reasoning with them \"Why\" is good. Usually I just tell him \"You must go to school because no one is looking after you\" etc etc.. Maybe I should try another approach telling him about what he can do in school etc.

Yes, after drawing him out from kid's club, I kept him by my side. We did have a good time
Thats why now he doesnt want to go to school and he say we will go back to the resort next week. Funny guy..
But you are right about letting go part. Sigh.. At some point, we need to let them try out things on their own. I am always worrying about him.

yeah, my doter has also been telling me that she wants to go back to the place that we just holidayed in. But lucky me she didn't throw a tantrum when going back to school. We just told her that we will go someday and she accepts that. Maybe another thing to do is to go for other outings during weekends so that family fun outings become a regular feature and it does not appear too roller coaster for the child in terms of emotional regulation? I don't know, just some thoughts.

[nugget]

ImMeeMee:

yeah, my doter has also been telling me that she wants to go back to the place that we just holidayed in. But lucky me she didn't throw a tantrum when going back to school. We just told her that we will go someday and she accepts that. Maybe another thing to do is to go for other outings during weekends so that family fun outings become a regular feature and it does not appear too roller coaster for the child in terms of emotional regulation? I don't know, just some thoughts.

Lucky you, mine till today still throw tantrum when its time to go to school. I must break this chain before it become a regular bad habit.
We have events lining up (parties, going to play gym, sentosa etc). But everytime come back, he will throw a fuss about not going to school. Even my NT boy after weekend (esp long weekends), usually fuss when going to school too. Sigh.. maybe it runs in the family. After long weekend/holiday I also don't feel like going to work. Haha.