2013 Sec 1 Discussions
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fifiyeo:
I also told her that BGR is not good at this age and my friend knows that too. But she feels that by imposing that rule, she is not being fair to her boy. I don't think she will want to talk to the school about this. Anyway, I told her that teens need to feel very loved at home or they will need to find 'love' elsewhere.They don't make good decisions at this age, often full of attitude but we as parents just have to still show a lot of love instead of quarrelling with them.
What is involved when you say \"BGR\" for this age? Perhaps your friend can set some objective rules based on time - how much time outside school hours spent together, on the phone, online etc. Priority should be on completing homework, family activities etc. Also, maybe she can forbid one-on-one dates and only allow going out in groups. Another way which can quite effectively \"kill\" BGR at this stage, I think, is to invite the girl to visit so that the parents can get to know her. I have 2 girls aged 13 and 16yo, and we have already told them that we don't allow single dates for now (anyway, they haven't shown that kind of interest in boys yet, thankfully!). We also encourage them to invite friends of both sexes over to our home for board games, watching a video etc when we are at home, and I think by seeing their friends interact with us a bit, it becomes less of a forbidden fruit. -
My son is just average...but he has female classmates who offer to do stuff for him since P5. When he is punished like no recess (ridiculous teacher), this girl will buy hotdog bread or bun and quietly pass to him. When he is on MC, she will SMS him the homework for the day. Amazing is the word.
This year Sec 1, another girl stuck to him. I am not bothered with this...bcos he has been studying in co-Ed school all these years. But he is not into girls, YET. I did advise him to treat girls as friends. Girlfriends come later...it is not the time for him to have any girlfriend at secondary school.
Hubby told him this, 'you are not working...no money to go out to watch movie. Any girl you date is dating ME indirectly'. :rotflmao: -
janet_lee88:
The girl is so sweet, hotdog bread :love:My son is just average...but he has female classmates who offer to do stuff for him since P5. When he is punished like no recess (ridiculous teacher), this girl will buy hotdog bread or bun and quietly pass to him. When he is on MC, she will SMS him the homework for the day. Amazing is the word.
This year Sec 1, another girl stuck to him. I am not bothered with this...bcos he has been studying in co-Ed school all these years. But he is not into girls, YET. I did advise him to treat girls as friends. Girlfriends come later...it is not the time for him to have any girlfriend at secondary school.
Hubby told him this, 'you are not working...no money to go out to watch movie. Any girl you date is dating ME indirectly'. :rotflmao:
Your DH is so funny but I must say that he got a point too. -
slmkhoo:
Problem is my friend don't want to get to know the girl. She doesn't like him to bring friends home too.fifiyeo:
I also told her that BGR is not good at this age and my friend knows that too. But she feels that by imposing that rule, she is not being fair to her boy. I don't think she will want to talk to the school about this. Anyway, I told her that teens need to feel very loved at home or they will need to find 'love' elsewhere.They don't make good decisions at this age, often full of attitude but we as parents just have to still show a lot of love instead of quarrelling with them.
What is involved when you say \"BGR\" for this age? Perhaps your friend can set some objective rules based on time - how much time outside school hours spent together, on the phone, online etc. Priority should be on completing homework, family activities etc. Also, maybe she can forbid one-on-one dates and only allow going out in groups. Another way which can quite effectively \"kill\" BGR at this stage, I think, is to invite the girl to visit so that the parents can get to know her. I have 2 girls aged 13 and 16yo, and we have already told them that we don't allow single dates for now (anyway, they haven't shown that kind of interest in boys yet, thankfully!). We also encourage them to invite friends of both sexes over to our home for board games, watching a video etc when we are at home, and I think by seeing their friends interact with us a bit, it becomes less of a forbidden fruit. -
Haha! I also tell DS that he’s not making money yet so anyone he tries to date is our girlfriend.
Friend’s DS spending quite a lot of time on the phone with this girl and grades on the drop. -
fifiyeo:
Hubby: do not get serious at young age...or your studies will suffer...your father here is one example.Haha! I also tell DS that he's not making money yet so anyone he tries to date is our girlfriend.
Friend's DS spending quite a lot of time on the phone with this girl and grades on the drop.
Son: how old were you?
Hubby: 26. Almost flunked university. Unless you want to fail, do not start any relationship. -
janet_lee88:
Sec school is definitely too young. But we tell our kids that it's OK once they are over 18, as long as they are responsible and can balance their work and play. My husband and I went steady in our first year at university at 20yo, and both of us managed fine, and my husband did extremely well. We have other friends in the same situation who also did well academically. So it's not the age so much as the ability to be self-disciplined.
Hubby: do not get serious at young age...or your studies will suffer...your father here is one example.fifiyeo:
Haha! I also tell DS that he's not making money yet so anyone he tries to date is our girlfriend.
Friend's DS spending quite a lot of time on the phone with this girl and grades on the drop.
Son: how old were you?
Hubby: 26. Almost flunked university. Unless you want to fail, do not start any relationship. -
fifiyeo:
Problem is my friend don't want to get to know the girl. She doesn't like him to bring friends home too.
With teens, telling them 'no' outright often leads to more problems. Wise parents will find a way where the teen doesn't feel that his opinions and preferences are being ignored. -
It’s not possible to tell teenagers NO and…that’s it. Son is not interested in girls yet…but when he is at that stage, it will be hard. So I can only hope it will be delayed as long as possible.
His hospitalization leave ends today…back to school 2moro.
Got him to call his classmate to enquire homework. Read up on history and geography. -
janet_lee88:
You were the ONE that made him almost flunk university? :spank: :rotflmao:
Hubby: do not get serious at young age...or your studies will suffer...your father here is one example.fifiyeo:
Haha! I also tell DS that he's not making money yet so anyone he tries to date is our girlfriend.
Friend's DS spending quite a lot of time on the phone with this girl and grades on the drop.
Son: how old were you?
Hubby: 26. Almost flunked university. Unless you want to fail, do not start any relationship.
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