桃花谈

[Imami]

This weekend, I went 扫墓 with my family. Insider suggested I go and see my grandmother, remember?


My husband's ancestors were also housed at the same place actually (but different blocks). I had been 扫墓 with my in laws and now, with my family. I see a difference in both family. Not sure if it's becos the children in my family are older (my parents are older too, so naturally their children are older than my in laws). My sil (bro's wife) and brothers all know the way to the niches and the sons carried all the stuff. My parents just tagged along and the sil following my mum closely.

They all know what to do and how to do. I was the only newbie. My mum had the time and mood to chit chat and joked hahahha. The thing that came to my mind was 苦尽甘来. 亲爱的妈妈，您辛苦了大半辈子，现在可以跷脚 了。

I recalled how my in laws did theirs. By right 我是长媳，I shd help in all these. But because the sons of the family were also not very active in such family events, it has never occurred to me to do something. Besides, I need to mind my son, so usually only my husband and his brother went along.

There was one year I went along. Compared to my side, the children (my husband included) were very like children. My in laws would set up the stuff, find the way, burn the joss papers etc (for my side, the children do it. My mum just happily chit chatting by our side and my father stayed at the niches to jaga the food stuff). 感觉上，my in law's children seem \"still like children\" whereas my parents's children (except for me la) seem so grown up. We could almost auto pilot the whole thing (except that they need to tell me what I shd do). My parents just 友情客串。

No wonder I keep sensing my mil's 心事重重 :sad:

[Dekora]

Unbelievable heh I finished reading the thread in 2 days. It must be 缘分 because I hardly come into recess time and I'm also troubled over my work and family life. Reading all posts had me started to reflect on my life- especially my relationships with my loved ones. I am those that keep nagging over and over why I am the one doing and not others even at home or work. After reading, it really jolts me. No wonder I feel so negative and negatively spreads. So, in my own baby steps, I would like to change my mindset and bring happiness to myself and of course sow good seeds in the people or activate their good seeds

Thank u all for your contributions in this thread. I hope it will benefit more as well.

[Dekora]

May I add, I think I’m one with lots of 无明- so lots of 道 raised I still not very 懂。so I set myself my own homework-

1. No negative thoughts or words towards my ils
2. Sincerely spending time with my parents
3. No snide remarks towards hubby and daughter

Hopefully I can accomplish

[Sun_2010]

insider:

My mum somehow understood the 'theory' by herself, that if she still wants the son, she has to accept him as who he is until he is willing to change by himself...

Insider,
I have been reading this thread and have benefitted from it. The sharing by others forummers and your replies have also helped me understand life better. I also discussed with DH your seedling theory, err what I understood of it. Plan to reread it to help apply some changes ...
:thankyou:

One request if it is not too much. Is it possible to use the translation or near meaning of the chinese phrases used? I think many of them may not have equivalent english phrase but something like it will still be helpful.

[Imami]

Dekora:

Unbelievable heh I finished reading the thread in 2 days. It must be 缘分 because I hardly come into recess time and I'm also troubled over my work and family life. Reading all posts had me started to reflect on my life- especially my relationships with my loved ones. I am those that keep nagging over and over why I am the one doing and not others even at home or work. After reading, it really jolts me. No wonder I feel so negative and negatively spreads. So, in my own baby steps, I would like to change my mindset and bring happiness to myself and of course sow good seeds in the people or activate their good seeds

Thank u all for your contributions in this thread. I hope it will benefit more as well.

Hi Dekora, long time no see.

Things will improve bit by bit, day by day. The impt thing is you Want to change.

Very often, we only see things from our own perspective. Recently someone said she doesn't spend a lot (of the husband's money) and was implying that she is a thrifty wife. She cited her most recent buy was a $30+ top. But guess what, she Recently bought some health supplement and a branded wallet. That branded wallet would hv funded at least another 20-30 tops. My point of bringing this up is not to put her down or to dispute anything. Rather, I am trying to highlight how we could have missed out something in life or taken things for granted.

Try and be open minded about it and see things from another perspective. My husband doesn't do any housework at all. Even when there is no more water in the jug, he would wait for me to boil a fresh pot of water. But he has given me financial and emotional security that I think not many men could offer. With him, I know I can anytime tender my resignation without worry. So it's all about give and take.

And while he doesn't lift a finger at home, he would dutifully do as I told (if I need him to buy dinner for my son or get some errands done).
:hugs: come here and :rant: if u need.

[ngl2010]

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

[ChiefKiasu]

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

There's nothing wrong with being frugal. In many cultures, especially like ours, it is a virtue. But there are many reasons for buying \"branded\" goods too. While they do carry an air of elitism and act as status symbols, branded goods usually carry with them high quality, durability and performance which are valued by those that can afford them. So to say that buying branded goods is a sin is also an oversimplification of the issue at hand.

[sparks]

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

I see no wrong in buying something you appreciate, branded or not.

But personally, I think it is superficial if a person buy stuff to 'look' higher status than others. I feel that they've become lost in the rat race. I know some who drive expensive cars that they can barely afford. Upgrade is easy. But downgrade is deemed as 'lose face'. They will try to keep up with appearances for as long as possible.

I am sure you'd be proud of your mom's humility & nobility.

[ngl2010]

sparks:

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

I see no wrong in buying something you appreciate, branded or not.

But personally, I think it is superficial if a person buy stuff to 'look' higher status than others. I feel that they've become lost in the rat race. I know some who drive expensive cars that they can barely afford. Upgrade is easy. But downgrade is deemed as 'lose face'. They will try to keep up with appearances for as long as possible.

I am sure you'd be proud of your mom's humility & nobility.

I am indeed very proud of my mom and I really admire her. There is peer pressure to buy branded good but I know I will feel guilty because of my mom's teachings. I think the guilt will haunt me day and night such that I won't enjoy what I buy and I won't be at peace. But if I look around, even people I saw in MRT and bus also carry branded bags....

[ngl2010]

ChiefKiasu:

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

There's nothing wrong with being frugal. In many cultures, especially like ours, it is a virtue. But there are many reasons for buying \"branded\" goods too. While they do carry an air of elitism and act as status symbols, branded goods usually carry with them high quality, durability and performance which are valued by those that can afford them. So to say that buying branded goods is a sin is also an oversimplification of the issue at hand.

A good bag may last 5 years but is the bag owner going to use it everyday for 5 years? I doubt so. So, I don't think we women buy branded bags/wallet/shoes for its quality, durability and performance. Maybe it is true for air-con, refridgerator, washing machine, etc. but definitely not for bags/wallets/shoes, etc.