All About Puberty

[Jennifer]

I am also working things out with my P6 boy.


Just want to say: hang in there and hope you will find a solution soon.

[sharonkhoo]

The teenage years are known to be a rebellious phase. Part of it is caused by hormones which can affect moods, but a lot of it is because they are growing up and either expecting to be more independent or being given more independence than they can handle. Some kids may find the freedom too heady and get into bad ways, or do things to test boundaries. Some parents, while saying they are letting their kids be independent, still want the kids to do things according to their way, leading to conflict. Or they let go too much too fast, and kids go mad. Some kids are also influenced by friends. My 2 girls are now 16 and nearly 14yo, and we have had a very smooth time so far with minimal clashes and generally a good relationship with them. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'll make some comments below about some of the things you said.


She became rebellious, do the way she thinks it is right,
Making her own decisions is actually a good thing, and as long as what she thinks is right is not totally disastrous, it's good to let her try things her way. She will learn from mistakes and also learn to take responsibility for her actions. As parents, you can make suggestions or warn a bit, then stand ready to help if she gets out of her depth, but don't say 'I told you so' or nag too much. Treat it as a learning process.

and doesn't talk much, as compared to days before PSLE.
They can be moody at this stage, but there will be periods when she is more ready to talk. As parents, we have to accept that they grow and change, and we can't expect them to stay 11yo forever. Also, we need to be careful not to be critical or judgemental about what they say, or constantly telling them what to do.

Recently, she started to SMSing her friends using the four letters words, going to website and watches love movies.
Have you established controls of how much freedom she gets to use her phone, what she watches etc? If you haven't, it will be harder to set them up now, but you should try. Get a time when she is more receptive, and tell her why such behaviour is bad for her (don't just say 'wrong'). We have always been strict with our girls, told them frankly why we feel certain words/websites/books/films are not edifying, and have gradually relaxed as they get older. So far, they haven't done anything we strongly object to.

Just some thoughts.

[isetan]

At this stage is usually rebellious and everything classmates say are correct, and anything we parents say will fall into deaf ear!

[vinegar]

could it be frds’ bad influence?


i think the more u try to control, the more she wanna break-free.So hard to manage.

[isetan]

Think at this age they may be too young to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. So naturally bad influence falls in.

[sharonkhoo]

isetan:

At this stage is usually rebellious and everything classmates say are correct, and anything we parents say will fall into deaf ear!

I feel that this is reather defeatist. If parent and child have a good relationship of trust and mutual respect, I think it is possible for discussion to take place, and even if the child does not accept everything the parent says, they will not reject it totally. My kids will tell us what their friends say, we discuss, and they may or may not agree totally with either their friends or with us, but at least we know they have considered the issue from various angles. Mostly they will tend to agree with us more than with their friends - after all, they know that we have 30+ more years experience and we have their best interests at heart.

[sharonkhoo]

isetan:

Think at this age they may be too young to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. So naturally bad influence falls in.

I think most teens will know what is right and wrong in many areas, but whether they choose to do right is another matter! And where they are not able to differentiate, that's where parents need to play a role.

[KS_me]

Just recently, my P5 boy spotted a teenage secondary boy masturbating at the carpark's rooftop while he was looking out of the window. He quickly came to me with a shocking look and kept laughing about it. I looked out found the teen took off his school outfit, masturbating while looking at his phone. I bet it must be some kind of dirty sex video clips that aroused him till he chose to pick this spot to do the deed.


I quickly shoo my boy away and asked him to watch tv to avoid him thinking abt it.... later that night, I had super a long talk with him explaning the possible reason this teen carried out such act, tell him it's an offence to do this in the public and also engage him in the discussion openly....etc etc. At the end of the discussion, I'm so glad that my boy is able to openly talk to me about it. Of couse he has not started his puberty (not yet hairly) but he is aware what the teen is doing because of the sex education lesson he had in the school. I really not sure how this incident impact him but I hope I've done my part to educate him....

This incident had actually set me thinking....
why would that teen chose to do this in public?
what had happened to our new generation this day?
was he out of his mind or was he doing this to show off or it's just another curios act?
what will you do as a parent do if you were me?
will you report this teen to the school? (I can see his school uniform) or the police?.......

[KS_me]

slmkhoo:

Recently, she started to SMSing her friends using the four letters words, going to website and watches love movies.
Have you established controls of how much freedom she gets to use her phone, what she watches etc? If you haven't, it will be harder to set them up now, but you should try. Get a time when she is more receptive, and tell her why such behaviour is bad for her (don't just say 'wrong'). We have always been strict with our girls, told them frankly why we feel certain words/websites/books/films are not edifying, and have gradually relaxed as they get older. So far, they haven't done anything we strongly object to.

Just some thoughts.

I think this is really important.

[Sun_2010]

KS_me:

Just recently, my P5 boy spotted a teenage secondary boy masturbating at the carpark's rooftop while he was looking out of the window. He quickly came to me with a shocking look and kept laughing about it. I looked out found the teen took off his school outfit, masturbating while looking at his phone. I bet it must be some kind of dirty sex video clips that aroused him till he chose to pick this spot to do the deed.


I quickly shoo my boy away and asked him to watch tv to avoid him thinking abt it.... later that night, I had super a long talk with him explaning the possible reason this teen carried out such act, tell him it's an offence to do this in the public and also engage him in the discussion openly....etc etc. At the end of the discussion, I'm so glad that my boy is able to openly talk to me about it. Of couse he has not started his puberty (not yet hairly) but he is aware what the teen is doing because of the sex education lesson he had in the school. I really not sure how this incident impact him but I hope I've done my part to educate him....

This incident had actually set me thinking....
why would that teen chose to do this in public?
what had happened to our new generation this day?
was he out of his mind or was he doing this to show off or it's just another curios act?
Maybe he just doesnt care what anyone thinks about him? :scratchhead:

what will you do as a parent do if you were me?
I think you did a great job the way you handles this with your child. Will remember this when I come across a similar situation. No pretending nothing happened

will you report this teen to the school? (I can see his school uniform) or the police?.......
In actual practice I may not do the above, may tell myself nevermind .
But what I would like to do ideally , would be to take a pic and report to school. The thing is the boy should be corrected now. Its beacuse we are to decent to confront them, think that school wont be bothered, or dont want him to get into big trouble, we keep quite. And this would encourage him, no? sometimes we have to play the part of the nosy neighbour for a better community.