桃花谈
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yes… noted.
parents are still in good health and have good faith and religion. They had talk to me briefly about this before
I believe they know where they would be going and they are not afraid. They also expressed they will miss their grandchild if this happens -
Giggler1:
I don't want to make the decision and I am not in the position to make the decision BUT if someone must make the decision, I may volunteer myself to do it. So that my siblings will be spared from the agony and the aftermath effects.If it's for myself, I will wish to just go cos I will not want to make my family suffer with me.
For my parents, I imagine that they will go peacefully when the time is up. I do not wish to be the one to make the decision for them. Cos if such decision needs to be made, I'll be the one who have the final say cos I'm the eldest. But I wont be able to make a decision cos my heart will want to sustain but my mind will to let them go. I'll definitely be in a dilemma.
There was once when i had the chance to save someone's life. But I was too chickened to do anything except saving mine. While she pulled through unscathed and never blamed me a teeny bit, I was filled with guilt and shame. To this day, after more than 25 years, I am still carrying the guilt. I do not want my brothers to carry the guilt for the rest of their lives, for pulling the plug. -
imwithchild:
Our lives are truly ours. But for some of us, we live or keep ourselves alive more for our loved ones, than for ourselves.makes me think if our lives are truly our own.. with our children and family.
just a thought. have a great weekend KPs!
I was down with flu a when h1n1 infection peaked in sg some years back. With a burning temp over 40deg, the doc wanted me to be admitted into the hospital. But I told him no, becos I needed to pick my son. there was no back up if I went down and my son would be \"stranded\" in the cc. Such is the life of a \"one mother show\".
There was once when my father was stuck in the middle of the road and had difficulty catching up. The rest of the family was already moving to the other side of the road. I quickly dropped my son in the custody of my sil and ran back for my father without considering my own safety (but I got check oncoming traffic la).
I always tell my colleague, its not that I fear death but I can't die yet! If I die my parents and my son how?! -
I have been following this thread for some time now because most of what has been discussed here resonates with my opinions.
And its coincidental that this thread has now turned to the question of death … or not.
My dd’s classmate died 2 months ago. She was 11 and she had been battling cancer for over 2 years. It came as quite a shock to the class as the students were not informed of their classmates condition.
Now we have just admitted my MIL into hospital. She has been getting weaker over the years and her dementia has been getting worse. She has a fever of 37.5oC and has been constipated for 4 days. The doctors said that they will do their best, but given her already frail condition, to prepare for the worse. They also asked if we wanted them to resuscitate her if her condition deteriorated.
There is no way that we can ask her that question now, and her answers would be meaningless. Anyway, DH and his family do not talk about such things because they think its bad luck. -
Unfortunately, even if the decision to let the patient go is in the interest of the patient, to lessen his/her suffering or to allow the patient to go in a dignified manner, we could be saddled by whispers and gossips of relatives who think that we did it out of convenience for ourselves. And we ourselves would be wondering if we had really done enough for the patient. It is really a very difficult decision to make to let someone close go, especially if the person is already in a coma.
-
When my late dad was battling cancer, we were keen to try any possible therapy that we could afford.the social worker however , told us that instead of focusing on trying these methodsp to prolong his life (meaning confirm terminal stage already) , we should stop experimenting and learn to accept, help him accept and try to live a quality last stage of his life together . Trying to delay the inevitable at the expense of the sick’s welfare may be a selfish act by the family members (who are not prepared to live with the loss) who must understand that for every living minute, the patient is suffering.
Personally, I was quite mad at her suggestion. But on hindsight, it was not without reason. But there will alwaysa a nagging thoughof did we do enough to source for a miracle. -
My friend was hoping to get an ‘opinion’ from me but I was ‘clever’ enough to give by not giving…
I used to understand from the Master of my friend (that rich builder man whom I mentioned earlier who works like a 驴子转磨) that it is a sin to end one’s parent’s life even that was done with good intention. That if one were to do so, will incur many bad seeds (and therefore my friend was advised to do chanting to soften any bad impact incurred by him from such bad seeds when he instructed the doc to stop further efforts in saving his late dad). Friend told me must get parent’s permission well before such kind of decision is needed in case this decision ever need to be 'applied' one day.
I never give my friend any direct answer (I am concerned about 'sinning' coz her mum never gives any permission) but refer her to watch the below clip, telling her maybe she can have a clearer picture on what to decide after watching it. (This Master talks about it is only right to let someone go if it is necessary. He never mentions about permission and sin, etc, in this clip, and so what we listen may only be a small part of the whole process.)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrpYPBA7zHM][/youtube]
So as in reading any information that seems conflicting, I need to digest and form an opinion of my own. My thought is such that have to let that person, whether that person is my parent or my spouse or my kid, go, but ideally I have to get that person’s permission first.
I imagine myself one day falls into critical condition, then instead of letting me go, my family instructs the doc to rescue me at all cost. Then the medical team sends me to the ICU, then start to strip me and start to do whatever they want on my body. At that critical moment, maybe my sub conscious mind may still be working; maybe I am preparing to go by doing my peaceful last minute chanting. But all these ICU havoc may disrupt my last minute peacefulness and I may end up dying in the op theatre, naked with open wounds, confused and painful with no peace at all at my final moment. I might have died alone without any close ones with me (Buddhists believe after death, the soul can still linger on for a few hours).
In a nutshell, I want to go as peacefully as I can, amid maybe huge pain, without unnecessary ‘commotion’.
Even if I can be rescused, the ‘me’ after being rescued is likely to be a ‘half dead’ person (taken that the condition is critical to begin with). So why don’t I choose to die ‘happier’ than to live as a ‘half dead’ person?
I told my family that I am not afraid of death and accept it as a cycle of life. That if anyone in my family dies, it is just that the one has completed this life’s mission and he / she has to continue with the next. I specifically share with my daughter that mum thinks I have a high chance to reincarnate well in my next life and so if anything ever happens to me, ‘congratulate’ me instead of feeling sad. If she is feeling painful, then chant for me (if she turns to be a Christian later, then just pray for me). Do nothing but chanting coz that’s the only thing that can help a dying person.
I always encourage my kiddos to live to their lives’ fullest. That must always work and enjoy life (my ‘theory’ of get 70 marks can oredi and the efforts needed to achieve the next 30 marks should be spent in playing). I tend to believe at that particular last moment of 回光返照，one’s brain will ‘screen’ the snap shots of all major good and bad events of his/her life for the last time. This fast motion ‘movie’ played ideally should be full of fun, compassion, kindness, etc instead of mostly suffering, hatred, grievances, complaints, regrets, etc. Then, that’s a life that I would term worth living…
PS:
I used my friend’s story to get my mum’s permission ‘cunningly’.
I related to her my friend’s predicament (my mum knows all my close friends quite well since they were around 14). I asked her what my friend should do.
My mum replied already 86, should let her go and don’t her into longer torture. Sort of ‘automatically’, she also gave her ‘instructions’ of what to do if she were to be ever in such situation. She said don’t save, be beside her, and allow her to go. She then later shared the instructions with my second sis (who talks to her everyday). So, in a sense, we have her permission to ‘end her life’ if one day the situation requires us to do so, without the probable ‘sin’ that may have to be incurred for doing this bad deed with a good intention.
I think it is 'clever' of my mum to share her instructions with my second sis too coz this will prevent any probable future 'disputes' among her 6 children coz at critical moment, some may say to save and some may say don't save then unnecessary quarrels when quarrels among siblings are what hurt my mum the most...
So now, we have obtained our mum's 圣旨! Hooray! -
insider:
:thankyou: for sharing thisMy friend was hoping to get an ‘opinion’ from me but I was ‘clever’ enough to give by not giving…
I used to understand from the Master of my friend (that rich builder man whom I mentioned earlier who works like a 驴子转磨) that it is a sin to end one’s parent’s life even that was done with good intention. That if one were to do so, will incur many bad seeds (and therefore my friend was advised to do chanting to soften any bad impact incurred by him from such bad seeds when he instructed the doc to stop further efforts in saving his late dad). Friend told me must get parent’s permission well before such kind of decision is needed in case this decision ever need to be 'applied' one day.
I never give my friend any direct answer (I am concerned about 'sinning' coz her mum never gives any permission) but refer her to watch the below clip, telling her maybe she can have a clearer picture on what to decide after watching it. (This Master talks about it is only right to let someone go if it is necessary. He never mentions about permission and sin, etc, in this clip, and so what we listen may only be a small part of the whole process.)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrpYPBA7zHM][/youtube]
So as in reading any information that seems conflicting, I need to digest and form an opinion of my own. My thought is such that have to let that person, whether that person is my parent or my spouse or my kid, go, but ideally I have to get that person’s permission first.
I imagine myself one day falls into critical condition, then instead of letting me go, my family instructs the doc to rescue me at all cost. Then the medical team sends me to the ICU, then start to strip me and start to do whatever they want on my body. At that critical moment, maybe my sub conscious mind may still be working; maybe I am preparing to go by doing my peaceful last minute chanting. But all these ICU havoc may disrupt my last minute peacefulness and I may end up dying in the op theatre, naked with open wounds, confused and painful with no peace at all at my final moment. I might have died alone without any close ones with me (Buddhists believe after death, the soul can still linger on for a few hours).
In a nutshell, I want to go as peacefully as I can, amid maybe huge pain, without unnecessary ‘commotion’.
Even if I can be rescused, the ‘me’ after being rescued is likely to be a ‘half dead’ person (taken that the condition is critical to begin with). So why don’t I choose to die ‘happier’ than to live as a ‘half dead’ person?
I told my family that I am not afraid of death and accept it as a cycle of life. That if anyone in my family dies, it is just that the one has completed this life’s mission and he / she has to continue with the next. I specifically share with my daughter that mum thinks I have a high chance to reincarnate well in my next life and so if anything ever happens to me, ‘congratulate’ me instead of feeling sad. If she is feeling painful, then chant for me (if she turns to be a Christian later, then just pray for me). Do nothing but chanting coz that’s the only thing that can help a dying person.
I always encourage my kiddos to live to their lives’ fullest. That must always work and enjoy life (my ‘theory’ of get 70 marks can oredi and the efforts needed to achieve the next 30 marks should be spent in playing). I tend to believe at that particular last moment of 回光返照，one’s brain will ‘screen’ the snap shots of all major good and bad events of his/her life for the last time. This fast motion ‘movie’ played ideally should be full of fun, compassion, kindness, etc instead of mostly suffering, hatred, grievances, complaints, regrets, etc. Then, that’s a life that I would term worth living…
PS:
I used my friend’s story to get my mum’s permission ‘cunningly’.
I related to her my friend’s predicament (my mum knows all my close friends quite well since they were around 14). I asked her what my friend should do.
My mum replied already 86, should let her go and don’t her into longer torture. Sort of ‘automatically’, she also gave her ‘instructions’ of what to do if she were to be ever in such situation. She said don’t save, be beside her, and allow her to go. She then later shared the instructions with my second sis (who talks to her everyday). So, in a sense, we have her permission to ‘end her life’ if one day the situation requires us to do so, without the probable ‘sin’ that may have to be incurred for doing this bad deed with a good intention.
I think it is 'clever' of my mum to share her instructions with my second sis too coz this will prevent any probable future 'disputes' among her 6 children coz at critical moment, some may say to save and some may say don't save then unnecessary quarrels when quarrels among siblings are what hurt my mum the most...
So now, we have obtained our mum's 圣旨! Hooray! -
Laura02:
Now we have just admitted my MIL into hospital. She has been getting weaker over the years and her dementia has been getting worse. She has a fever of 37.5oC and has been constipated for 4 days. The doctors said that they will do their best, but given her already frail condition, to prepare for the worse. They also asked if we wanted them to resuscitate her if her condition deteriorated.
My MIL is back with us
I'm glad.
My mom used to say that if I felt that something bad was about to happen, I should tell other people of my \"feelings\" and the bad wouldn't occur. I don't know how much of this is psychological, or just :xedfingers: -
Laura02:
Very happy to hear about your mil's recovery, Laura :snuggles:Laura02:
Now we have just admitted my MIL into hospital. She has been getting weaker over the years and her dementia has been getting worse. She has a fever of 37.5oC and has been constipated for 4 days. The doctors said that they will do their best, but given her already frail condition, to prepare for the worse. They also asked if we wanted them to resuscitate her if her condition deteriorated.
My MIL is back with us
I'm glad.
My mom used to say that if I felt that something bad was about to happen, I should tell other people of my \"feelings\" and the bad wouldn't occur. I don't know how much of this is psychological, or just :xedfingers:
Separately on \"voicing out when one has a bad feeling about something\" - I don't really do it. Except for my parents, I hardly feel comfortable telling anyone if I hv a bad feeling that something is going to happen. Some people may just blame me if my \"prediction come true\".
But strangely, I also have this sixth sense at times.
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