Failing relationship with Son

[mummy OnABudget]

Flowermonaster:

mummy OnABudget:

quoting my ex hubby he said its none of his business since we have split

Pardon my intruding here. I was very :mad: when I read his response. Splitting with you does not mean he can split his relationship with his own child! This is so :stupid:

I been there getting :mad: :mad: and :rant: :rant: aat him non stop but all i could do in the end was :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: cause he will never understand what is going on.

All i can do now is be there for ds in whatever way i can this journey has not been easy but i been through the tough times this is just another battle that i will conquere and come out stronger with ds in tow.

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

I think back on my failed marriage all i can say is i did my best he was the one who gave up on the family not me.

[mummy OnABudget]

Flowermonaster:

mummy OnABudget:

quoting my ex hubby he said its none of his business since we have split

Pardon my intruding here. I was very :mad: when I read his response. Splitting with you does not mean he can split his relationship with his own child! This is so :stupid:

I been there getting :mad: :mad: and :rant: :rant: aat him non stop but all i could do in the end was :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: cause he will never understand what is going on.

All i can do now is be there for ds in whatever way i can this journey has not been easy but i been through the tough times this is just another battle that i will conquere and come out stronger with ds in tow.

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

I think back on my failed marriage all i can say is i did my best he was the one who gave up on the family not me.

[Dreamgear]

I hope you will seriously consider getting professional help for your ds asap… I have seen for myself how a very talented kid who got a dsa into sota just gave up on himself when the parents parted and the father basically disappeared…

[Nebbermind]

mummy OnABudget:

I been there getting :mad: :mad: and :rant: :rant: aat him non stop but all i could do in the end was :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: cause he will never understand what is going on.

All i can do now is be there for ds in whatever way i can this journey has not been easy but i been through the tough times this is just another battle that i will conquere and come out stronger with ds in tow.

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

I think back on my failed marriage all i can say is i did my best he was the one who gave up on the family not me.

Have you let him speak his mind? Maybe he's just as :frustrated: as you and have no means to express himself. Perhaps he has something to say but nebber got the chance.

[mummy OnABudget]

Nebbermind:

Have you let him speak his mind? Maybe he's just as :frustrated: as you and have no means to express himself. Perhaps he has something to say but nebber got the chance.

i do i ask him sit down lets talk then he is not opening up on the divorce all he said is i know he is a useless man lets not talk about him, i do not know if is the outer hardness and pride or isi t really what he is thinking .

[buds]

Dearest mummy OnABudget, http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php is but the only thing i can offer you at this moment because i am overwhelmed and pretty much very saddened by your sharings thus far. You are a strong mom... and like other strong moms we try to make it the best way we know how and the best way we can. Don't bother about people judging you.. they are not you.. and they have not gone thru the challenges you overcame.. so what doesn't kill you only made you stronger. Hang in there for you are still your son's pillar of strength though he never told you outrightly so. An old friend of mine is in a similar plight as you but worse cos she has two work three jobs to pay her ex's debts.. the housing installments.. stuff in her house slowly taken away one by one.. and her son blames her for his dad leaving the family when the bloke already remarried overseas without divorcing her and doesn't give a hoot abt the children or how they are carrying on in life. She works so darn hard only to have her son speak ill of her and scream at her reminding her all the time what a failure she was as a wife and now as a mother because he thinks she does not understand how he feels or what he is going through. Honestly, whoever dares judge better have a perfect life... else do not speak.


I never really knew anyone who has a problem-free life. Never.

So, you hang in there...

[Fresco]

Hi mummy OnABudget


Your child clearly has underlying issues that need to be addressed. His out of control and unusual to his temperament and development behaviour is indeed rooted in something real…a deeper emotional state. He is not a problem but having a problem. Your son is frustrated and upset. His misbehavior is an expression of stress.

Let’s face it. All children want to be successful. They don’t misbehave for the sake of misbehaving. The fact that they do so is triggered by an unconscious state of fear and stress. Bottom line is your child’s needs are not met. Perhaps he doesn’t understand it himself but he knows something doesn’t feel right. You have misunderstood his misbehavior and that’s why he continues to act up. Punishing him for his misbehaviour only adds more conflict and stress to your child. You should change your anger to compassion and be less reactive when handling his misbehavior even though your buttons get pushed hard. Investigate the roots to your son’s stress and address these issues quickly. It could be the estranged relationship with his biological father or perhaps he feels disconnected from his friends, teachers or even his family members. Also, a child’s greatest need is to be accepted, unconditional acceptance, not just love. He does not want our presents but presence. Be there for your child when he needs you before it is too late. Do not be distraught. You are not responsible for your child’s feelings. Seek professional counseling early.

[Nebbermind]

I’m not sure about professional counselling…some kids may take it very negatively. To them, "I’m not sick so why send me there??!!" They may shut themselves up totally if the wrong person handle the case.


PSLE is important, but at this point, I believe it’s more important to win back your son, and probably rebuild his self esteem (I’m not sure how much impact the broken marriage and being ignored by his dad had on him).

[JohnYeo]

It really depends on the skills of the counsellors and how well they can engage your child and you. You may want to explore Counselling and Care Centre. They have very experienced counsellors who are trained in family therapy. It’s in Chinatown, Hong Lim Complex.

[Flowermonaster]

mummy OnABudget:

I been there getting :mad: :mad: and :rant: :rant: aat him non stop but all i could do in the end was :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: cause he will never understand what is going on.

All i can do now is be there for ds in whatever way i can this journey has not been easy but i been through the tough times this is just another battle that i will conquere and come out stronger with ds in tow.

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

I think back on my failed marriage all i can say is i did my best he was the one who gave up on the family not me.

Not sure if my suggestion will help... Could be your boy thinks that you have found an anchor but to him, he is still nursing his pain & lost. How about you share with him your feeling about the breakup to let him know he is not alone, you have been there & you are able to carry on to live your life because of him, his sister & your current hubby? I feel that your boy is mature for his age & he might be more sensitive than most kids of his age. Talk to him like you would to a teenager & don't treat him like small baby.