In-law problems?

[janet88]

If she says my kids are stupid, then I will tell her must be inherited from father. In fact, even daughter’s big eyes also bcos hubby’s eyes are big. Never bother to care about grandchildren…so I would expect any uncalled comments.

[popireis]

I was the first DIL for the family (as in first to marry into the family, not the eldest). So I suppose at that time, she still had very "high" expectations of what her DIL should be like. She totally disliked me cos I am not a "maid" material. She used to call me "STUPID woman" in front of all her relatives. Naturally now she use the same terminology on my DS cos she could no longer use it on me as I am now earning MORE than her son (my DH).


Irony is, she more she "disliked" me, the worse her future DILs became. LOL.
Her third & last DIL are "worse" than me in terms of ability to do housework, totally "lazy" & "rude" in her eyes (they dun even acknowledge her/call her mum), ignored her (i can still have a decent conversation with her at times), refused to have children (keep pets as kids and she is the one who has to help them look after their pets when they are overseas)…

[Imami]

popireis:

Mine's fav phrase is 傻瓜 & 笨蛋 (meaning stupid, for the benefit of those who dun understand chinese).


She will go \"your XX son...\"
or say to DSs \"you are so XX...\"
or ask DSs \"are you XX?\" for nothing, or as start of conversation.

:scared: :scared: xx= stupid?
:mad:

[Imami]

vinegar:

if she says 笨蛋 to my kiddo, i'll tell her,\"they carry ur genes\".

:rotflmao:

[popireis]

Yes Imami…

To her i am the stupid mother who gave birth to 2 stupid sons mah…
Nvr think they oso carry her/her son’s genes…

[janet88]

popireis:

Yes Imami...

To her i am the stupid mother who gave birth to 2 stupid sons mah...
Nvr think they oso carry her/her son's genes...

My son born with cleft...must be from her family genes. Hubby has thalassemia trait too...so whose genes? If she ever dares say stupid, she will get a earful from me.

[ngl2010]

janet_lee88:

popireis:

Yes Imami...

To her i am the stupid mother who gave birth to 2 stupid sons mah...
Nvr think they oso carry her/her son's genes...

My son born with cleft...must be from her family genes. Hubby has thalassemia trait too...so whose genes? If she ever dares say stupid, she will get a earful from me.

Is cleft hereditary?

[janet88]

i believe so…bcos the plastic surgeon did ask if anyone in the family has that.

[ngl2010]

janet_lee88:

i believe so...bcos the plastic surgeon did ask if anyone in the family has that.

Oh I didn't know that. I hope your son is done with the surgeries that he had to go through.

[3Boys]

Sun_2010:

What you lack 3b, pardon me for saying so, is empathy. You have to be thru somethings to understand the angst between the hurtful words. I,too, dont condone disrespect of MILs no matter what. While you feel an irritation, a disgust, I feel sad. That what should be a symbiotic realtionship is eating into the emotional health of the family. That is really sad. :sad:

Ouch.....

Actually, I do have empathy.....

But its for both the MILs and DILs.....

and since the DILs are well represented in this thread.....

I guess I ought to pitch a little for the unspoken MILs.

AND, you'd agree, some of the posters here go overboard with the bashing, and unreasonably to boot.

A community is best when self-policed.

A thread bashing MILs is credible when the bashing is warranted, and the more extreme or unreasonable behaviours are policed by the members of the community (\"Hey, you may be quite unreasonable in your expectation of your MIL, perhaps you should reconsider your position\")

That almost never happens.

When a poster comes in with, what seems to a neutral party, an unreasonable bash, and everyone gathers around in a group hug, instead of being circumspect, then all the bashing becomes suspect.

When I then challenge that, it is taken to be bashing ALL who gripe about their MILs.

It is not the case. For instance, I have not said anything about yours, or buds (not for a very long while anyway).

Further, quite often my posts cajole or suggest a more conciliatory approach with the PILs to resolve situations. I will probe around the edges, have you examined your own biases, have you looked at your own frames of reference, have you seen it from their side.

That is then taken to be unsympathetic to the DILs' plight. (As will this post, for sure).

It is not the case.

Yes, it is sad, it must be sad for the MILs too, but this is one thread where MILs have a hard time being seen as humans.