@rinsider said:
What compelled you to get married and have babies? Rose-tinted glasses or a genuine feeling to have and grow a family?
Although I hardly dated before university, I think I always assumed that I would get married one day, though I was uncertain about having kids (I’ve never been interested in babies!). It just seemed preferable to have someone to share life with. It turned out that I met my husband in our first year in university, started dating, and married a year after graduation. It was 3 yrs later that I finally made up my mind that I wanted kids (my husband said either with/without kids was OK by him), and then it took 4 yrs of infertility treatment plus a couple of years after giving up before I got pregnant. I can’t really explain why I wanted kids - A desire to create something uniquely ours? Having the opportunity to nurture and care for new humans? Biological urge?
We have made it clear to our girls that we don’t assume that they will marry, or have kids, and we are fine either way. We don’t believe that either is necessary for happiness, and we only want them to marry and have kids if they actually want them. Having kids “for the sake of society” is too big an idea to cope with! One daughter is now married, and I’m fairly sure she will want to have kids eventually (she’s 26). I think she enjoyed growing up in a family with a sibling, and she is willing to reduce or stop work for a time if need be.
I think that the lack of interest in having kids is partly due to the pressure to do well in career, earn more, etc, coupled with the materialism that equates happiness with having more and indulging self. Nurturing and caring for kids, especially in the early years, is costly in time, effort, emotions, opportunity cost, and of course, money. Our govt is trying to fix the problem with money, but really, no amount of money is going to tip the scales from “no kids” to “yes kids”; it may change “1 kid” to “2 kids”. It’s only if our young people consider the sacrifice worth it that they are likely to have kids. How to “fix” that is a tougher issue and has to be dealt with in families, and not by social policy. How many of us raise our kids to do housework and chores, and to put others before self? If kids are used to putting themselves first, then it’s less likely they will willingly have kids that will take precedence in their homes.
Just my thoughts.
