Smart but lazy?

[Chenonceau]

chic_savvy:

Reading the reviews made me laugh and with relief haha! Cos it seems almost everyone including us adults used to be like them But seriously I could not even recall anything about myself :lol:


And yes, I agree that she is the kind of child that sees bigger pictures with surprisingly unexpected imagination. At times the things she says or does really amazes me a lot. I do think she is a genius but when it comes to carelessness and the lack of focus part, it really annoys me. (which parent doesn't? ;P)

My husband is someone who doesn't encourage caning or any physical punishments, only raising his voice, sends her to face the wall or grounds her from her favorite activities (but he doesn't adhere long enough!).

As for me, I do cane her palm but not reckless beating sort. I am however an impatient person (strange, cos I actually have patience with other people's kids!) and a pretty a**l perfectionist myself, so if there are any nitty gritty mistakes, I would have a big reaction. Sigh...

Come to think of it I have worked with children with special needs before and studied psychology but when it comes to my own kids, I am at a loss.

There is a difference between abnormal psychology (special needs kids) and normal psychology. I know very little about abnormal psychology. I'm an industrial organizational psychologist and we look into the kinda things that make normal people tick... Actually, for people interested in personality profiling a book by Paul D. Barron-Tieger and Barbara Tieger is useful and an easy read. \"The Art of SpeedReading People\".

It gives a fast and superficial appreciation of the MBTI.

Caning is not a preferred method in our house. Apart from carelessness, I have come across no other behavior that cannot be corrected through other means. So yeah... your husband may be right.

[smurf]

I used cane something, but my boy told me that I'm a bad mother.


I only cane mostly because of his behaviour, when he extremely naughty. I dun cane when he doesn't do his work, coz he is just p1.

[tamarind]

I have taught Maths to hundreds of students before, and I think that caning is the worst method to help a child who is careless.


I have helped my maths students improve to grade A from D. Definitely not by advising parents to cane them. That is the worst thing that you can do to a child.

[Chenonceau]

tamarind:

I have taught Maths to hundreds of students before, and I think that caning is the worst method to help a child who is careless.


I have helped my maths students improve to grade A from D. Definitely not by advising parents to cane them. That is the worst thing that you can do to a child.

It would be nice to know other effective methods of helping careless children...

Chenonceau:

Okay... please don't flame me for the rest of what I am about to write.

I am sorry if you strongly disagree but please do be gentle with me when putting forth your dissenting views. Don't stick your tongue out even if you disagree? Please? Thanks.

[tamarind]

Since so many people agree with your methods in this thread, I am not going to waste my time writing what should be the correct way of teaching kids.


To all parents who think that caning is the way to go, you will definitely regret it when your kids are older. I know this because I have taught up to levels above secondary school.

[pingsped]

Chenonceau:

I am sorry if you strongly disagree but please do be gentle with me when putting forth your dissenting views. Don't stick your tongue out even if you disagree? Please? Thanks.

I'm a special needs therapist.

I can't agree with caning a child over grades, esp it's about a few marks.
It's about sending the wrong signals that a few marks is worth a few strokes of cane.

I work with kids with special needs - some with very low and high IQs.

It is possible to modify behaviours without caning SUCCESSFULLY. Negative or aversive consequences are sometimes necessary. You just need to find the right \"punishment\" for the kid.

Personally, I'm comfortable with a child losing up to 10 marks (5 mistakes) due to \"carelessness\". A child's self-esteem is worth more than 10 marks.

Some parents cane but are \"fairly balanced\" in being positive. But quite a lot of parents cane readily but are hardly positive or don't really know/ understand their children.

I think Tamarind is referring to latter group. As educators, we should not agree to caning as we don't know who's reading/mis-reading the message.

*Lastly, many children with special needs, esp dyslexics, are known to be \"careless\" or are very inconsistent. Some are not diagnosed as there're no symptoms apart from \"carelessness\" and common grammatical errors in compositions. Many do not require treatment as their condition is mild. Caning may work for some but I think parents are sending the wrong signals.

Well, my kid is only 2 years old. I hope to stick by these principles

[chic_savvy]

It is \"scary\" isn't it? Having to know and learn about the different disorders in our modern era now. In the past, the inability to recognize or spelling words wrongly are accused as careless or even stupid, kids who were overly active were deemed as uncontrollable and naughty. Now, at least we know these behaviors are actually more than that and are able to give the extra attention and appropriate treatments.


Anyways, yeah my husband ain't the caning sort because he himself had a traumatized childhood that's why he has swore he would never implement beating or physical punishments to his kids. That traumatized childhood had led him astray in his teen years instead. I think it was also because his father had overly done it and that had caused the adverse effect.

Every parents will want to have their own way of educating and nurturing their children and we can't say who's right or wrong but whatever it is, remember there will always be a consequence at later.

Back to the topic, my girl was exceptionally good today (and some other times), she did her revisions without us reminding, her work was done nicely and blah blah blah.. ONLY TODAY lah. Seriously our kids are driving us nuts! :stupid: And that at times they are pain in the a***.

Hubby is trying to cultivate her to be more independent like we don't even need to remind her to do things. She comes back from school, take her lunch and shower, check for homework, take a nap, playtime, shower and goes to sleep WITHOUT US TELLING HER (hmm).

Btw, just like to hear some opinions here. Any parents' kids here are ultra naughty and active at home but when she/he is at school (playgroup, primary, kindergarten), they become quiet, well-behaved... I know some parents like me might say \"I'd rather them be naughty at home than being naughty outside!\" Normal?

[chic_savvy]

pingsped:

Chenonceau:

I am sorry if you strongly disagree but please do be gentle with me when putting forth your dissenting views. Don't stick your tongue out even if you disagree? Please? Thanks.

I'm a special needs therapist.

I can't agree with caning a child over grades, esp it's about a few marks.
It's about sending the wrong signals that a few marks is worth a few strokes of cane.

I work with kids with special needs - some with very low and high IQs.

It is possible to modify behaviours without caning SUCCESSFULLY. Negative or aversive consequences are sometimes necessary. You just need to find the right \"punishment\" for the kid.

Personally, I'm comfortable with a child losing up to 10 marks (5 mistakes) due to \"carelessness\". A child's self-esteem is worth more than 10 marks. *thumbs up*

Some parents cane but are \"fairly balanced\" in being positive. But quite a lot of parents cane readily but are hardly positive or don't really know/ understand their children.

I think Tamarind is referring to latter group. As educators, we should not agree to caning as we don't know who's reading/mis-reading the message.

*Lastly, many children with special needs, esp dyslexics, are known to be \"careless\" or are very inconsistent. Some are not diagnosed as there're no symptoms apart from \"carelessness\" and common grammatical errors in compositions. Many do not require treatment as their condition is mild. Caning may work for some but I think parents are sending the wrong signals.

Well, my kid is only 2 years old. I hope to stick by these principles

[smurf]

I sorta agreed that parents should not cane kids for their academic result. What about behavior? If the kid talk back with respect at all, call u stupid or talk with such authority that u can’t stand it as if he or she is your parent!


Talking, taking away favorites may works sometimes, but it may not works also…

[cherrygal]

Sometimes reverse psychology works.