In-law problems?

[hquek]

buds:

Aniwaes, hope to see the light at the other end of the tunnel soon. It's been quiet on the homefront since the decision of selling house and buying new house was laid across the table. I like the calmness and the serenity of my new found quietness these past few months.

Buds-jie,

Wise chinese man say 守得云开见月明 (half baked chinese person write may have wrong words).

You and mathsparks have held the fort and emerged victorious (albeit a bit bruised here and there). Well done, can clap yourself on the back. Happy tidings to follow thereafter! :celebrate:

[stayhome]

I have read an article of title The Dynamics of In-laws. It said that:-


1) Never be the bearer of bad news
In all things let your spouse deal with his family. He is their son, so that is already a plus on his side. Whatever he says to them will be received with more love and tolerance that what you say. It's a fact, accept.

2) Take everything with a pinch of salt
You did not grow up in his family, therefore you may not be privy to every nuance of their body language or language. They may speak a certain way that is completely natural to them nut that you might find odd or offensive. Therefore, in any situation, don't be tempted to retaliate before you've had a chance to talk to your husband. It may just a matter of familiarity.

3) Make an effort
Even though you may not love them like your own parents, you can still show love and affection to your husband's parents. Take the time to find out their favourite food or TV shows, for instance. On special occasions, give them a thoughful gift. Choose their favourite restaurant to go for family dinners.

4) Accept them for who they are
You have to face that they may never be like your own family to you. That's ok. Learn to accept their flaws and celebrate their positive points and you will be a happier daughter-in-law.

The article also gave an example:-
Alan loves his wife Beatrice very much. Beatrice does not really get along well with Alan's sisters, but because his sisters love him and know how much Beatrice means to him, they try their best to get along. The same goes for Beatrice. For her husband's sake, she tries to hide her dislike of his sisters and is cordial to them.

[hquek]

stayhome:

I have read an article of title The Dynamics of In-laws.

:goodpost: very true. I've come to accept that I'm only a DIL and her own born will always be more special to her. That said, I also make it a point to remind the forgetful son at times to invite her along when we go shopping, or get something for her that she likes.

I'm just lucky in that I don't stay with her, although our places are near. I consider myself to have best of the worlds really...although there was initial struggle when I flatly refused to give her my house keys when we first got the house. kekekekeke

[janet88]

hquek,

I’m very lucky not to stay with her…even luckier that she stays in the East and I stay in the other end.

tree nymph,
When it comes to meals, the agreement is to split the bill.
As for kids, I don’t mind mine being the flavour of last year since those paternal grandparents have never bothered to find out kids’ interests.

[Joy]

I like this article.thanks for sharing.


On second thoughts, what about those mum that is not treating their own daughter well?I have yet to read about any article on the dynamics of that.

stayhome:

I have read an article of title The Dynamics of In-laws. It said that:-

1) Never be the bearer of bad news
In all things let your spouse deal with his family. He is their son, so that is already a plus on his side. Whatever he says to them will be received with more love and tolerance that what you say. It's a fact, accept.

2) Take everything with a pinch of salt
You did not grow up in his family, therefore you may not be privy to every nuance of their body language or language. They may speak a certain way that is completely natural to them nut that you might find odd or offensive. Therefore, in any situation, don't be tempted to retaliate before you've had a chance to talk to your husband. It may just a matter of familiarity.

3) Make an effort
Even though you may not love them like your own parents, you can still show love and affection to your husband's parents. Take the time to find out their favourite food or TV shows, for instance. On special occasions, give them a thoughful gift. Choose their favourite restaurant to go for family dinners.

4) Accept them for who they are
You have to face that they may never be like your own family to you. That's ok. Learn to accept their flaws and celebrate their positive points and you will be a happier daughter-in-law.

The article also gave an example:-
Alan loves his wife Beatrice very much. Beatrice does not really get along well with Alan's sisters, but because his sisters love him and know how much Beatrice means to him, they try their best to get along. The same goes for Beatrice. For her husband's sake, she tries to hide her dislike of his sisters and is cordial to them.

[Joy]

Kawan


You are here...

Happy for you and I guess for all the endurance that you had gone through and that is why u are so blessed with very smart and lovely children.

cheers
Joy

mathsparks:

buds, so happy to share my joy here. Oh, the current place has always been OURS! OURS! and OURS! not HERS! NOPE! NOPE! *stomp my feet*

*phew* better now. How many years? dd already 17 le. that many years, leh. See how tolerant I am.

[cascada]

[quote]mathsparks wrote:

I hope that those stuck in the same situation as me find a way out like I eventually did...after so many long years.[/quote]Wow, mathsparks, really admire your tolerance level and congrats to your new found freedom. :lol:
[quote]tree nymph wrote:
that's the reason why i'm a bit siao siao right?[/quote]I even suspect if I had post natal blues and never did recover from it! So I now become siao

I've a good news to share too. I don't have to think so hard whether to inform ils about DS's hospitalization. Mil called DH yesterday to inform that she is going Msia for short holiday and the dates coincides with my DS's hospital admission. DH said no need to inform il and if asked/found out later, just say don't want to spoil their holiday mood.
Sometimes, things solved by itself so procrastination isn't that bad after all.

:thankyou: all KSP friends for your kind advice.

[hquek]

cascada:

I've a good news to share too. I don't have to think so hard whether to inform ils about DS's hospitalization. Mil called DH yesterday to inform that she is going Msia for short holiday and the dates coincides with my DS's hospital admission. DH said no need to inform il and if asked/found out later, just say don't want to spoil their holiday mood.
Sometimes, things solved by itself so procrastination isn't that bad after all.

:thankyou: all KSP friends for your kind advice.

Gong xi gong xi....I love it when problems resolve themselves...hee hee hee :celebrate:

Now to your son's recovery!!!

[janet88]

cascada,

Your headache is solved…hehehe.
Whew ! You didn’t have to put up with those unpleasant comments after all. My son will have an op in the near future for his cleft. I hope the paternal grandparents have to go overseas too.
The other way is to work shift with hubby - he does the night shift at the hospital, so I will be at home sleeping during the night and he can entertain his parents. He will be boiling mad again if his parents expect him to ferry them to/fro.

[shine_fs]

hquek:

cascada:

I've a good news to share too. I don't have to think so hard whether to inform ils about DS's hospitalization. Mil called DH yesterday to inform that she is going Msia for short holiday and the dates coincides with my DS's hospital admission. DH said no need to inform il and if asked/found out later, just say don't want to spoil their holiday mood.
Sometimes, things solved by itself so procrastination isn't that bad after all.

:thankyou: all KSP friends for your kind advice.

Gong xi gong xi....I love it when problems resolve themselves...hee hee hee :celebrate:

Now to your son's recovery!!!

Sometime really like make you in a difficult position then the problem solve by itself...amazing hor..... :celebrate: