In-law problems?

[phankao]

janet_lee88:

Mrs Ang:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Hi Mrs Ang,

My kids ate porridge cooked at home...whenever we go out. I will cook it 2 hours earlier and put into Thermos flask...this continued until they were 2 years old. Hubby's mother will make comments like kids are so precious :x I don't give a damn if she does that to her daughter's kids but not mine.
Now waiting for them to fly to US...better still if they stay there for 1 year. RELIEF !!!

Haha....best if they don't come back!

Of course that would be BEST...but if they can be stuck there for 2 years, I would be very happy. After all, they are looking after daughter's 2 precious sons. Stay there for LONG time better.[/quote]Be grateful that they don't stay with you lor. Some of us have no choice.

[Yong HL]

i dunno how to begin my story but am glad to know that i am not the only one viewed as a nazi/monster to our kids by mils…


my story do not differ much from all of you. mil dote on kid, kid likes her. i set rules, kid upset, kid tell mil, mil heart pain, mil lecture me and cry that i am terrifying the kid by imposing house rules. not enough? mil ask her educated sister to sms me 2nd round lecture. i dun bother read the content… click forward to hubby, ask my hubby handle them and to tell them to forward all sms/grievenances to him. i am thankful that he dont mind. i cant tink of another best way.

[buds]

Yong HL:

... i dun bother read the content.. click forward to hubby, ask my hubby handle them and to tell them to forward all sms/grievenances to him. i am thankful that he dont mind. i cant tink of another best way.

Yong HL, :snuggles:... at least you have an understanding hubby.
Not everyone is blessed to have one solid support who understands
what the spouse has to go thru with the ILs. Do you stay with your ILs?

[buds]

phankao:

Be grateful that they don't stay with you lor.

Yeeeup! :idea:

Janet's lucky in a sense that they are not staying with her.
But of course distance is no barrier where IL politics are
concerned, aye? Janet can attest to this.. :lol:

phankao:

Some of us have no choice.

Yeeeup again, phankao..
Ya hit the nail right on the head awrite.

[Yong HL]

buds:

Yong HL, :snuggles:... at least you have an understanding hubby.

Not everyone is blessed to have one solid support who understands
what the spouse has to go thru with the ILs. Do you stay with your ILs?

Thanks Buds.. Its really comforting to know that someone is on my side. I do not stay with my ILs.

Since baby (now p1), my daughter is looked after by my ILs when i work and due to work commitments, we were weekend parents most of the time until she was 4years old (I quit my job and be a SAHM for 6mths just to ensure she attended N2 then). To be fair, my ILs are good in providing her daily needs but not discipline.

Until N2, my daughter has been staying over at my ILs. We were weekend parents. We lost the bonding with her so much that she refused to come home with us. When its time for N1, she cried so much that my MIL heartpain told us to stop her going school since she was crying all the time. We had to stop.

Then come N2, i realised this cannot go on. I quite my job and be a SAHM to try bond with her and also wanting to start her N2. I do not want my MIL to bring her and then history starts repeat itself. Things were tough at 1st but i mge to settle her in her N2. But she was still staying over at my ILs for 2-3nites/week. I chose a kindergarten near my ILs so once i settled her down, they can take over and i went back to work part time.

Then come P1 now, the school is just opp my place. I told my daughter no longer go granny place stay weekday, it will only be on selective weekends. But she will still goes my ILs place to get ready for school during my work days. Everybody agreed including my daughter.

School starts. 1st week me and hubby take turns bring - ok.
2nd week - my MIL bring problem liao. Coincedence that week one boy in her class disturb her and she got scared. Everytime cry when MIL bring her to school. I brought her to school one of the day and talked to the Form teacher. Issue settled by friday.
3rd week now - my MIL continue to bring her monday. Crying starts. MIL blamed ME for imposing rules eg days to go her house etc and scared my daughter. she heartpain see my daughter like that. When my daughter goes back her place, my daughter will say mummy will scold if she xxxx... and yyyy. At home, i am the black face and my hubby the other. I told my hubby, someone got to be disciplinary master ya? Homework i jaga, discipline also me. of coz, these 2 combinations - which kids like? I have no choice but to shoulder these 2!

I thought - am i a failure being a mum....?

[janet88]

Yes, I’m very lucky I don’t have to stay with them…but the politics can be as close as staying together. Even though I keep arms length, I’m still a bad guy…don’t give a damn since my conscience is clear.


They are flying off to US today…to help look after THEIR daughter who just gave birth to #2…flying off VERY RELUCTANTLY…don’t know why either. Almost didn’t want to go. Looking after own daughter so difficult, if daughter-in-law ? This is a chance for them to be grandparents…ie the looking after part.

[bebe]

Yong HL:

buds:

Yong HL, :snuggles:... at least you have an understanding hubby.

Not everyone is blessed to have one solid support who understands
what the spouse has to go thru with the ILs. Do you stay with your ILs?

Thanks Buds.. Its really comforting to know that someone is on my side. I do not stay with my ILs.

Since baby (now p1), my daughter is looked after by my ILs when i work and due to work commitments, we were weekend parents most of the time until she was 4years old (I quit my job and be a SAHM for 6mths just to ensure she attended N2 then). To be fair, my ILs are good in providing her daily needs but not discipline.

Until N2, my daughter has been staying over at my ILs. We were weekend parents. We lost the bonding with her so much that she refused to come home with us. When its time for N1, she cried so much that my MIL heartpain told us to stop her going school since she was crying all the time. We had to stop.

Then come N2, i realised this cannot go on. I quite my job and be a SAHM to try bond with her and also wanting to start her N2. I do not want my MIL to bring her and then history starts repeat itself. Things were tough at 1st but i mge to settle her in her N2. But she was still staying over at my ILs for 2-3nites/week. I chose a kindergarten near my ILs so once i settled her down, they can take over and i went back to work part time.

Then come P1 now, the school is just opp my place. I told my daughter no longer go granny place stay weekday, it will only be on selective weekends. But she will still goes my ILs place to get ready for school during my work days. Everybody agreed including my daughter.

School starts. 1st week me and hubby take turns bring - ok.
2nd week - my MIL bring problem liao. Coincedence that week one boy in her class disturb her and she got scared. Everytime cry when MIL bring her to school. I brought her to school one of the day and talked to the Form teacher. Issue settled by friday.
3rd week now - my MIL continue to bring her monday. Crying starts. MIL blamed ME for imposing rules eg days to go her house etc and scared my daughter. she heartpain see my daughter like that. When my daughter goes back her place, my daughter will say mummy will scold if she xxxx... and yyyy. At home, i am the black face and my hubby the other. I told my hubby, someone got to be disciplinary master ya? Homework i jaga, discipline also me. of coz, these 2 combinations - which kids like? I have no choice but to shoulder these 2!

I thought - am i a failure being a mum....?

No..you are not. I have the same experience as you but only that I am still a SAHM now. My gals are not in P2 and P3.

Kids know how to whine and cry to get their way when PILs are around. Like you, I am the disciplinary mistress at home..so sometimes PILs think I am too \"ngiao\". Hubby is on my side and supportive and hence he is the one to go and settle his parents. At times, I hv to close both eyes and ears.
Why does yr gal need to go to Granny's house to get prepare for school? Can your PILs come over instead? My gals know that there are different \"legislation\" in PIL's place and our place. In PILs' place, TV are freely avail and there is no timetable but at my place, they will hv to stick to my rules.

[DingDongBell]

One advice relating to in-laws (and some say out-laws) I hold on to all these years of marriage is that both husband and wife should always stand together as one when facing either side's parents. We make decision together, stand by each other and always answer as \"we\", so the parents can't find fault with either of us.


Also, each spouse should handle their own parents. i.e. I handle my parents, my wife handle hers.

Hope this helps.

[janet88]

Hi Yong HL,

Now that your daughter is already in P1 and the school is just opp your place, there is really no need for her to go to in-laws place often. The reason is because there will be homework and spelling to be done and learnt...and going to your in-laws place will not help matters.

I am staying at home more often this year...kids don't waste time when I tell them to bathe and have dinner. At parents' place, they take their own sweet time and I have to call them several times. At home if they don't respond, the cane is ALWAYS THERE.

[Yong HL]

bebe:

[Why does yr gal need to go to Granny's house to get prepare for school? Can your PILs come over instead?

Hi bebe & janet_lee88
sigh.. coz my girl wants to see her granny.. separation anxiety i guess.. she has a close bond with my mil.. from the way my mil \"discipline\" her, its no wonder of that. So now, if i couldnt bring her to school the next day, she will be going to stayover at my ILs place the night before. But before that, after school still dinner and homework at my place, bedtime then go over. Yes, it be tiring for her and my hubby but this is the best option. Its still better then her going straight there and who-knows-what she is doing there for the entire evening..

Hi Dingdongbell
my husband is not that close to his mum (Thank God for this!). But he will still side me with my decision. I have no complaints on that