In-law problems?

[sall]

Hi cwc, your mil is a very selfish and self-centred woman. She is jealous when she sees you and your hubby on good terms. So she’ll stir up whether trouble she can find , pick at you , cause the 2 of u to argue, and she expects your hubby to take her side. If not, then she applies emotional backmail. Most likely, she did not have a good relationship with her own hubby, so she hates to see any dil being happily married. There are really such vicious mil in this world. My friend is a victim, her mil instigated her son to dump her when the baby was only 4 mths old. She is now on her own, with a young son.

All these mil forgot that they were once dil. Maybe, they also suffered, so now they’re taking revenge.
If u can’t chase them out, then give them the cold shoulder. Less talk means less conflict. If she’s in the livin room, then maybe u go bedroom, close your door, shut out all those noise.

[BeContented]

Hi Sall,

To be fair, think she's not that bad YET.....if she is, things would probably be worse. But subconsciously, I think she is somewhat jealous cos' her sons have placed her as top all these years until each has own family. I still remember when I first got married, during outings DH would put his arm over MIL while I followed behind.....now, not really. On a few occassions, I have witnessed her unhappiness when the children once-in-a-while placed the dad preference over hers.....so she is a bit jia-lard in this aspect.
On the relationship with her own hubby and MIL, you are spot on. MIL is resentful of FIL (think he probably deserve it too) and accordingly to MIL, she suffered badly under her own MIL then. So now she likes to claim we the DIL are damn lucky :faint: Frankly, her behaviour still puzzled me.... I simply cannot figure out if she's just low EQ or trying to stir shit.

Your friend quite pitiful, hope she is coping well. I can never understand why MIL wanna behave that way, dun they want their son to be happy?
Anyway, I have started avoiding MIL openly. I spend most of my time in my room these days. DH has deliberately setup room with TV/Radio etc so that if I dun wish to be in the hall, I have my own haven in room.

Sadly, I forsee things will only worsen cos' MIL already made up her mind that DH too sayang wife (which I know was not true). Every little thing MIL gets sensitive and attribute to 'protect wife' even when she is in the wrong. Her relatives upon seeing me can come to me and for no reason say \"Nevermind lah, give in to them\" :stupid: No amount of explanation will help anyway, I'll ignore and avoid any contact....if that's what she wants, she can have it. Only pity DH, sandwiched.

Tomorrow, very happy. DH knows I'm upset & stressed, so I'm having my 煮妇的假期 - a few days. NOW the mom should be happy, she'll have him ALL to herself for a few days. I go enjoy myself, she probably will feel jealous also :evil:

[QuiteKSMum]

Go enjoy yourself, cwc! Put all these unhappiness behind u ( at least for those few days) ... You deserve this break!


Happy Holidays!
:celebrate: :hugs:

[BeContented]

QuiteKSMum,

Thanks.....I'm back....wanted a relaxed trip, end up my dad fell sick and was vomitting on way back yesterday. But all is still well lah. Still a good break :dancing:

MIL obviously not happy, we still having very cold attitude towards each other. But think she is feeling it.....FIL seems to be losing control of his bladder (pee while eating and lying on bed) but still insisted on walking to toilets (so pampers was useless). During bad times, FIL visits toilet every 3-10 mins....so MIL feeling tired following around but scolding maid for not doing so. Damn glad MIL face it herself, shall see if she still dare to claim that I accused the FIL.
Terrible me....but yet, can't help it. :evil:

[janet88]

sall:

Hi cwc, your mil is a very selfish and self-centred woman. She is jealous when she sees you and your hubby on good terms. So she'll stir up whether trouble she can find , pick at you , cause the 2 of u to argue, and she expects your hubby to take her side. If not, then she applies emotional backmail. Most likely, she did not have a good relationship with her own hubby, so she hates to see any dil being happily married. There are really such vicious mil in this world.

It's a torture for you to stay at home. Guess your hubby must be very torn and sandwiched too. I've suffered this emotional blackmail when newly married. Each time after a visit to see them, hubby & I will argue and quarrel.

Have you thought of discussing with hubby to get them to move out and stay in their own place ? A home is supposed to be a place to relax and enjoy...home sweet home. With them out, your relationship with hubby will improve and you will enjoy more freedom at home too.

[BeContented]

janet_lee88:

It's a torture for you to stay at home. Guess your hubby must be very torn and sandwiched too. I've suffered this emotional blackmail when newly married. Each time after a visit to see them, hubby & I will argue and quarrel.


Have you thought of discussing with hubby to get them to move out and stay in their own place ? A home is supposed to be a place to relax and enjoy...home sweet home. With them out, your relationship with hubby will improve and you will enjoy more freedom at home too.

Torture....on bad days yes, on some other days, can tolerate lah. I'm normally easy come, easy go.....fickle-minded.....angry, over, angry again, over.....still cannot decide what I wanna do :roll: Getting them to move back into their own place will not be feasible and frankly, no longer an option. Once you invite them over, it's FOREVER :stupid: I'll bear with whatever I can....there are quiet times (like now :please: )
DH also knows, if staying here with maid still cannot work out, only left with nursing home next. Well, at least we tried.

[janet88]

cwc:

janet_lee88:

Have you thought of discussing with hubby to get them to move out and stay in their own place ? A home is supposed to be a place to relax and enjoy...home sweet home. With them out, your relationship with hubby will improve and you will enjoy more freedom at home too.

Torture....on bad days yes, on some other days, can tolerate lah. I'm normally easy come, easy go.....fickle-minded.....angry, over, angry again, over.....still cannot decide what I wanna do :roll: Getting them to move back into their own place will not be feasible and frankly, no longer an option. Once you invite them over, it's FOREVER :stupid: I'll bear with whatever I can....there are quiet times (like now :please: )
DH also knows, if staying here with maid still cannot work out, only left with nursing home next. Well, at least we tried.

Once invite in, there is no such thing as leaving anymore...'FREEHOLD'.
Hubby has 3 other sibings...one far far away. Even if there is one day need to take them in, they will still want to pick and choose who to stay with. So I really salute you for being able to 忍. :udawoman: Sorry for saying this, but I am not able to take them in at all.

[BeContented]

janet_lee88:

cwc:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Have you thought of discussing with hubby to get them to move out and stay in their own place ? A home is supposed to be a place to relax and enjoy...home sweet home. With them out, your relationship with hubby will improve and you will enjoy more freedom at home too.

Torture....on bad days yes, on some other days, can tolerate lah. I'm normally easy come, easy go.....fickle-minded.....angry, over, angry again, over.....still cannot decide what I wanna do :roll: Getting them to move back into their own place will not be feasible and frankly, no longer an option. Once you invite them over, it's FOREVER :stupid: I'll bear with whatever I can....there are quiet times (like now :please: )
DH also knows, if staying here with maid still cannot work out, only left with nursing home next. Well, at least we tried.

Once invite in, there is no such thing as leaving anymore...'FREEHOLD'.
Hubby has 3 other sibings...one far far away. Even if there is one day need to take them in, they will still want to pick and choose who to stay with. So I really salute you for being able to 忍. :udawoman: Sorry for saying this, but I am not able to take them in at all.[/quote]
Ha ha...the joke is, dun think the PIL actually pick or choose. Firstly, none of the other siblings wants them over.....so they can't choose. Next, MIL refused to go to one particular sibling cos' she dotes on him and does not want to give him any trouble. Even now, that fella gets off scott-free in EVERYTHING. :mad: Anyway, she has only herself to blame in future for his behaviour.

Besides thinking that the hubby are over-protective of maid, MIL also think that everyone more supportive of the maid. So MIL is also getting more pissed and would pass comments loudly purposely about the maid and also tekan her. Now, the Maid is getting pissed and bolder and is starting to openly oppose instruction. I ?? Call me lousy/coward/useless/whatever, I dun intend to be middle-man anymore cos' it won't work. Let them fight all they want, if the maid wants to get herself out of job and MIL wants to go maidless and end up taking care of FIL herself or send him to old folks home.....go ahead. Frankly, now that I try to wash my hands off, feels so much better.....they can fight all they want. Enough for me.
I will just retire into my room and step in when things gets really heaty :torchme: :torchme:

[janet88]

cwc:

janet_lee88:

Torture....on bad days yes, on some other days, can tolerate lah. I'm normally easy come, easy go.....fickle-minded.....angry, over, angry again, over.....still cannot decide what I wanna do :roll: Getting them to move back into their own place will not be feasible and frankly, no longer an option. Once you invite them over, it's FOREVER :stupid: I'll bear with whatever I can....there are quiet times (like now :please: )

DH also knows, if staying here with maid still cannot work out, only left with nursing home next. Well, at least we tried.

Once invite in, there is no such thing as leaving anymore...'FREEHOLD'.
Hubby has 3 other sibings...one far far away. Even if there is one day need to take them in, they will still want to pick and choose who to stay with.

Ha ha...the joke is, dun think the PIL actually pick or choose. Firstly, none of the other siblings wants them over.....so they can't choose. Next, MIL refused to go to one particular sibling cos' she dotes on him and does not want to give him any trouble. Even now, that fella gets off scott-free in EVERYTHING. :mad: Anyway, she has only herself to blame in future for his behaviour.
[/quote]
Hey, I have one similar case here with a spoilt rotten son. She dotes on him and never gave him trouble at all...from girlfriend to wife and wedding. Yes, agree with you. His sickening behaviour is due to her upbringing.

[sall]

There is another type of mil who loves the son so much, she also treats his wife like a queen. Reason is if she doesn’t treat his wife well, then the wife will make life difficult for her son, and her darling son will suffer. unfortunately, very few such mil.

My friend’s mum is like that. She treats the daughter-in-law better than her own daughter, so that the daughter-in-law will be happy and then treat her son very well. Likewise, the son’s children are treated better than the daughter’s children.