In-law problems?

[ammonite]

popireis:

And, she doesn't want to have any social life, she just wants us....

I think they cannot take the empty nest syndrome and also have some obsessive traits. My mum does everything to the extreme.

Best part is my mum complains that my grandma is attention-seeking. (My grandma is like how you describe your mother.) Ocos my sibling and I go \"ah but then...??\" :rotflmao:

Because of my mum, when I date, I made it a point to check out potential MILs as well. End up with two times my mother I cannot survive arh! MIL is her direct opposite, totally hands-off with everything including son, grandchildren and house! :xedfingers: In fact MIL and SIL are probably a better deal than DH. :rotflmao:

[vinegar]

ammonite:

popireis:

And, she doesn't want to have any social life, she just wants us....

I think they cannot take the empty nest syndrome and also have some obsessive traits. My mum does everything to the extreme.

:goodpost:

Best part is my mum complains that my grandma is attention-seeking. (My grandma is like how you describe your mother.) Ocos my sibling and I go \"ah but then...??\" :rotflmao:

ur mum learnt that it doesn't do good to be attn seeking,that's explain why she is independent.

Because of my mum, when I date, I made it a point to check out potential MILs as well.End up with two times my mother I cannot survive arh! MIL is her direct opposite, totally hands-off with everything including son, grandchildren and house! :xedfingers: In fact MIL and SIL are probably a better deal than DH. :rotflmao:

[gancheongmum]

chance upon this thread. felt ‘console’ to know that i’m not alone facing monster mil! We have been staying with my mil since we got married a decade ago…

Relationship has always been quite cordial until recently. Mil seems to be poking her nose in the ways we disciplined our 2 girls, it does not help that she has a ‘san gu liu po’ sister who will pour fuel over the oil! Most recently, DH and her got into a heated argument over my lil girl. until today, they have not spoke to each other. sigh…Mil also black face me for god know what went wrong!
Anyway, she has been talking bad in front of my DD (who is 9yo) like your mum is irresponsible not taking leave to study with you for your exam, when i’m slogging like hell working until past midnight at work. Your mum is a lousy mum lah, always so lazy (not doing household chores) when I have a part-timer coming in every week to clean up the place! whenever, i reached home, she would show me her super black baogong face and openly comment certain things sarcastically at me. haiz… at work need to see boss’s colour, come home see her face colour. usually, i will cook dinner over the weekend, she ‘protest’ by only eating rice and a few strand of veg! childish?

Recently, we tried to coax my lil girl (4yo) to wean off her milk bottle. After much coaxing, she promised to drink her milk from her cup. Who know, when I came out from my shower, I saw her drinking from the milk bottle again! When prompted, she said that ‘ah ma says i drink too slowly from the cup and asked me to drink from the milk bottle’. Best, my mil can tell me in front of my girls that she so young ask her drink from cup! so and so son is 10yo and he is still drinking from milk bottle lor! I was like wth, here i am trying to teach my kid, there u r opposing what i am doing! Kids being kids, so these days whenever the lil one wants milk, she will look for MIL instead of me knowing that I will not back down into giving her her milk bottle. MIL usually sleep quite early, at times, my lil DD will wake her up from her sleep to make milk and of course, MIL was unhappy about it, which added to her ‘face colour’.

I really hated it when she starts talking bad behind my back especially openly in front of my girls. My elder girl has been telling me almost everyday that MIL has been talking bad things about me to her. Whereever i can, i will try to swallow and treat it like nothing happened. but recently, it has been kind of overbearing for me that at times i just feel like shouting at her and ask her to shut up! Oh yes, and whenever my DH has argument with her or she is unhappy with me, her favorite phrase ‘i dont want to look after the 2 kids, i move out, u all go handle them yourself’. I’m more than happy to put my 2 kids in study and childcare but that would leave her all alone in the house. MIL does not have friends/social life, i’m afraid if i do so, she may become senile. My 2 sils - 1 does not have extra room to put her up, another who always clashes with her will not want to have MIL in her house.

Anyone has such experience and how should I deal with it esp to stop her from talking bad in front of my DDs?

[vinegar]

drinking from milk bottle is bad for teeth development.


i shared the prob as u. When my MIL took care of my son,she allowed him to hv nap till he couldn’t sleep at night. Besides, she oso badmouth abt me,said,"ur mum ah,so lousy,don’t know this or that."

the worst is…my DH won’t support me,won’t believe me either. MIL can say any bad things abt me to my kids,while i can’t even grumble what i don’t like abt MIL.

DH n me hv been quarreling many times coz he wasn’t happy when he heard something unpleasant abt my MIL from the kiddo. He questioned why i badmouth his dear mum to my kids.I told him,pls lah,the kids got eyes to see,got ears to hear,they r big enuff to see n make judgment by themselves.

fed up,i quit my job n took care my own kids.I thought that will solve the prob…end up,she became too free,switched her target to my DH,yes,she calls him frequently.

For ur situation,it would be difficult to stop her to badmouth abt u…coz ur MIL stays wf u.Even she doesn’t take care ur kids,she hv plenty of chances to talk bad abt u coz u all stay under one roof.

Perhaps,u shld let ur girls know that u r not that kind of person as what ur grandma says.Build trust wf ur girls.

[ngl2010]

Can bring your girl to see dentist and make the dentist says that drinking from milk bottle is bad for teeth or not? After that, throw away the milk bottles with reason that the dentist said milk bottle is bad for teeth.


When my son was 3 years old, he got cavities on his teeth because he drank milk from milk bottle until he fell asleep. When we took him to dentist, the dentist told us that was what caused the cavities. Immediately after that, I threw away ALL his milk bottles. Problem solved

[gancheongmum]

problem is no matter what DH and I said, she dont believe. she only believes in what her san gu liu po sis says.


2 nites before, when my elder DD again told me my mil badmouth about me. I asked DD what she thinks about all that came out from her mouth and whether they are true or not. Luckily, DD replied those are not true. phew… i asked DD whether she has hear anything good coming out from her mouth, she says No. hahahaa… I told DD that no matter what I do, I only has the best interest in her and that i’m not interested in what ah ma has been saying in front of you. I cant stop her from saying anything bad about me, but do you ever hear me saying bad things about ah ma?

I also quoted an incident DD experienced herself from her classmate, who badmouth DD and left her quite upset. I asked DD whether what the classmate said was truthful? which of cos was no, so i said see, it is the same issue with ah ma.

ngl2010, I threw away the bottles, she will just go out and get new ones… haiz

she is now the opposition party in the house.

Really dread going back everyday after work if not for the sake of my 2 DDs…

[straffan23]

I have similar issues when it comes to teaching the children. In my case, it is for my DS since birth, being taken care of by my maid. My MIL comes over 5 times a day to play with him. So her role is as a playmate only - does not teach right or wrong. And of course the maid is too happy to follow. Now my son is 2+… used to hear them quote "your mommy say cannot", "your mommy say must do this/that"… I am naturally labelled the bad guy - to a stage my son come up to me and say "mommy bad guy!"


One day when I heard my MIL say that (and my DH was around), I just snapped and told my son - "mommy didn’t say anything, right?" If your grandma say can then can (e.g. goto playground without keeping toys, throw all the books around, jump on the sofa, eat snacks, etc etc). I told my DH, the next time my children call me "bad guy" I will stop being a parent and just be their playmate like my MIL. So DH got the message and try to talk to the mom (but of course got @#(*)!# from the mom, lah"

[vinegar]

gancheongmum:

problem is no matter what DH and I said, she dont believe. she only believes in what her san gu liu po sis says.


2 nites before, when my elder DD again told me my mil badmouth about me. I asked DD what she thinks about all that came out from her mouth and whether they are true or not. Luckily, DD replied those are not true. phew.. i asked DD whether she has hear anything good coming out from her mouth, she says No. hahahaa.. I told DD that no matter what I do, I only has the best interest in her and that i'm not interested in what ah ma has been saying in front of you. I cant stop her from saying anything bad about me, but do you ever hear me saying bad things about ah ma?

I also quoted an incident DD experienced herself from her classmate, who badmouth DD and left her quite upset. I asked DD whether what the classmate said was truthful? which of cos was no, so i said see, it is the same issue with ah ma.

ngl2010, I threw away the bottles, she will just go out and get new ones.. haiz

she is now the opposition party in the house.

Really dread going back everyday after work if not for the sake of my 2 DDs...

opposition party?? :rotflmao: VOTE her out for the next election!

[sleepy]

vinegar:

gancheongmum:

problem is no matter what DH and I said, she dont believe. she only believes in what her san gu liu po sis says.

she is now the opposition party in the house.

opposition party?? :rotflmao: VOTE her out for the next election!

Perhaps from her perspective, you are the opposition party instead and her 'san gu liu po sis' referring to grassroot leaders :rotflmao:

[gancheongmum]

hi straffan23, at least your mil says mummy say this cannot that cannot. but mine is openly criticizing me like (your mummy is lousy, i pity you have such mummy, your mummy is so irresponsible blah blah blah). she is outright putting me down in front of my DDs!


vinegar, how i wish i could vote her out right away!!