In-law problems?
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jedamum:
suggest to stay nearby?
True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.janet_lee88:
[quote=\"Flowermonaster\"]In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:
1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:
I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.
on my floor, at one end live a family. the other end of the corridor live the grandparents. :D[/quote]Agreed with jedamum, can consider to stay near but definitely not together. -
If given a choice I don't think anyone want to stay with PIL, I do not fancy that too. But If we have no choice what will you do? :evil:
ectanz:
Agreed with jedamum, can consider to stay near but definitely not together.[/quote]
suggest to stay nearby?jedamum:
True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.
on my floor, at one end live a family. the other end of the corridor live the grandparents.
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Flowermonaster:
With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it's just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.
My mum too will say something bad behind my SIL's back but this is becos she did a lot things for her but not being appreciated. My mum did all this is due to my bro. My mum is typical 重男轻\"girl\". She treated my DIL better than her own daughter.
However for my MIL, she will badmouth anyone who against her. She can't tolerate any contradiction. Anything I don't agree, I will juz leave it to my hb to settle with her.
An example, we both hv different views in rearing of children. Although my MIL should be given credit for helping me of looking after my dd1 from young but her method really unacceptable.
She treated my dd1 was still a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by my herself. -
ectanz:
Flowermonaster:
With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it's just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.
My mum too will say something bad behind my SIL's back but this is becos she did a lot things for her but not being appreciated. My mum did all this is due to my bro. My mum is typical 重男轻\"girl\". She treated her DIL better than her own daughter.
However for my MIL, she will badmouth anyone who against her. She can't tolerate any contradiction. Anything I don't agree, I will juz leave it to my hb to settle with her.
An example, we both hv different views in rearing of children. Although my MIL should be given credit for helping me of looking after my dd1 from young but her method really unacceptable.
She treated my dd1 was still a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by my herself. -
ectanz:
[/quote]ectanz:
[quote=\"Flowermonaster\"]With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it's just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.
My mum too will say something bad behind my SIL's back but this is becos she did a lot things for her but not being appreciated. My mum did all this is due to my bro. My mum is typical 重男轻\"girl\". She treated her DIL better than her own daughter.
However for my MIL, she will badmouth anyone who against her. She can't tolerate any contradiction. Anything I don't agree, I will juz leave it to my hb to settle with her.
An example, we both hv different views in rearing of children. Although my MIL should be given credit for helping me to look after my dd1 from young but her method really unacceptable.
She treated my dd1 like a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by herself.
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ectanz:
my FIL feeds my 9yo when he couldn't finish his food! :faint:
She treated my dd1 was still a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by my herself.
and my 9yo likes all the attention. :faint:
at granny's house, the 2 kids behave like kings...served hand to feet.
at home, they do stuff themselves, else they'll never even get breakfast served during weekends. (mummy lazy :politebleah:) -
jedamum:
Mine too. Treated like princess... Will yr kids compare such difference in treatment between hm n IL place? My dd1 does.. She will ask why she has to do everything herself at hm but at granny hse, was being served. She in fact looking forward to go to their hm to stay on every weekend as she is freed fr doing anything.
my FIL feeds my 9yo when he couldn't finish his food! :faint:ectanz:
She treated my dd1 was still a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by my herself.
and my 9yo likes all the attention. :faint:
at granny's house, the 2 kids behave like kings...served hand to feet.
at home, they do stuff themselves, else they'll never even get breakfast served during weekends. (mummy lazy :politebleah:) -
ectanz:
my ds1 used to compare why granny can buy XXX brand(ed) ice-cream often while we cannot. i had to explain the whole concept about the grans having no more financial commitment and we have to save $$ for his education. then very funny, my ds2 when eating those brand(ed) foodstuff will go,'wah...my mother said very expensive leh!' :oops:
Mine too. Treated like princess... Will yr kids compare such difference in treatment between hm n IL place? My dd1 does.. She will ask why she has to do everything herself at hm but at granny hse, was being served. She in fact looking forward to go to their hm to stay on every weekend as she is freed fr doing anything.
my ds2 hardly compare. he is happy go lucky type.
my ds1 do compare, but he accept my reasoning.
they look forward to staying over, but most of their fav stuff (doodling, adhoc craft, toys, books) are at home, so they would feel bored unless the grans line up some programe for them. -
My DS don't compare in term of food and/or treatment. My MIL & my mum will offer him a lot of food when he is at their home but my DS has not much interest in food. He will be given toys too whenever we visit but DS never bring those toys home prefer to leave them there for other grandchildren to play too. He don't mind doing things on his own at home as it makes him feel independent.
He likes to stay at home more. He can relax at home with his books, toys & bed whereas my ILs and my parents place do not have those.jedamum:
my ds1 used to compare why granny can buy XXX brand(ed) ice-cream often while we cannot. i had to explain the whole concept about the grans having no more financial commitment and we have to save $$ for his education. then very funny, my ds2 when eating those brand(ed) foodstuff will go,'wah...my mother said very expensive leh!' :oops:ectanz:
Mine too. Treated like princess... Will yr kids compare such difference in treatment between hm n IL place? My dd1 does.. She will ask why she has to do everything herself at hm but at granny hse, was being served. She in fact looking forward to go to their hm to stay on every weekend as she is freed fr doing anything.
my ds2 hardly compare. he is happy go lucky type.
my ds1 do compare, but he accept my reasoning.
they look forward to staying over, but most of their fav stuff (doodling, adhoc craft, toys, books) are at home, so they would feel bored unless the grans line up some programe for them. -
Hi mummies, m new in this thread. Just read some and would like to comment too. My mil also does not boil ‘cooling water’ for me when she brought just a small bottle just to give to her son. I think mayb cantonese mil does tt. Mine also cantonese. And I don’t suggest staying too near too. They’ll just pop-in whenever they like. Sometimes Sunday we would like to snuggle on bed but fil will knock on the door at 6 plus early in the morning. I d mentioned to my mil and guess what my fil said " The sun already out" what? still early? Sometimes fil will pop in and sit at the living room watching TV without speaking. He’ll come anytime any day whenever he has no where to go. Oh my god! That’s my case when we stayed so near. At the end, I decided to sell our house! Mayb I m too much but I cld not tolerate anymore. When they learnt that I moved back to my parents’, can you imagine how they feel? HA HA!
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