In-law problems?
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You gals are really very patient with your in-laws nonsense. If it is for me, i will cut all ties. When i mentioned cut, i really means cut.
Years ago, my mil used to make my life miserable before and during my wedding. She spoiled all my good memories of a wedding. She embarrassed me in front of my relatives and i hate to be embarrassed. I was so furious with her that i openly tell her don’t bother to drink the tea during the ceremony if she cannot accept me and i said it very sternly with my index finger pointing at her. And then i pour away the cup of tea. I have been tolerating her for so long and during that last moment, i just couldn’t take it anymore.
After that, i made my stand very clear to my hubby that i will never visit his family anymore. And don’t even bother to ask me otherwise he will regret opening his mouth. So i had peace for a complete 8 years.
I must said that those 8 years was a way long good period for me to "sort of forget" about it and move on. When i got pregnant, MIL made ammendment by apologising to me. I have to forget about the ugly incident since she has made the first move of apologising and since then we moved on as well. i must said that she is a now a much better person, perhaps afraid to lose her precious ist born.
Although i am not in your shoes but for those whose MIL abused you physically. Why don’t you cut off your ties with such abusive MILs? Why would any woman continue to take such treatment? This is not correct at all. If i have a daughter who has to suffer such treatment, i will slap my SIL for not being man enough to treat his wife well. Its a wake-up call man. A-tic-for-a-tac. -
I wish I can cut off ties with them, ESP the old ones. But blood is thicker than water. As long as I have minimal contact with them, I am relieved and happy.
Hi laughing cat,
You have absolute reason to cut off ties…and hubby has eyes to see for himself. For some of us, the old one has 2 faces…in front of son and behind son. So it’s hard for me to get it into hubby’s thick skull.
Every year CNY b4 going to his house, I will tell hubby to talk to his mother and not disappear into the room…this way, I don’t have to put up with her crap. -
Yup, not easy to cut ties esp if DH is a fillial one.
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laughingcat:
Wow! You r really one tough lady! I don't think I can do that if I m in your shoe. :faint:You gals are really very patient with your in-laws nonsense. If it is for me, i will cut all ties. When i mentioned cut, i really means cut.
Years ago, my mil used to make my life miserable before and during my wedding. She spoiled all my good memories of a wedding. She embarrassed me in front of my relatives and i hate to be embarrassed. I was so furious with her that i openly tell her don't bother to drink the tea during the ceremony if she cannot accept me and i said it very sternly with my index finger pointing at her. And then i pour away the cup of tea. I have been tolerating her for so long and during that last moment, i just couldn't take it anymore.
After that, i made my stand very clear to my hubby that i will never visit his family anymore. And don't even bother to ask me otherwise he will regret opening his mouth. So i had peace for a complete 8 years.
I must said that those 8 years was a way long good period for me to \"sort of forget\" about it and move on. When i got pregnant, MIL made ammendment by apologising to me. I have to forget about the ugly incident since she has made the first move of apologising and since then we moved on as well. i must said that she is a now a much better person, perhaps afraid to lose her precious ist born.
Although i am not in your shoes but for those whose MIL abused you physically. Why don't you cut off your ties with such abusive MILs? Why would any woman continue to take such treatment? This is not correct at all. If i have a daughter who has to suffer such treatment, i will slap my SIL for not being man enough to treat his wife well. Its a wake-up call man. A-tic-for-a-tac.
:udawoman: -
Flowermonaster:
Hi ningning, it's seem to be that you're not their ideal DIL that's why whatever you do, no matter how good, they will think otherwise. Just do whatever you think is right & don't get affected by their comments. It's our lifes, don't let others live our life! Jia you!
Yep, not long after i married into tat family, i knew i wasnt their ideal DIL. I have tried to be filial to the old and friendly to SIL. But i had enoughs of enough of how they treat me and their games of \"xiao dong zuo\" and words. I had purposely absent at CNY reunion dinner for a couple of years, and will continue to do so. Its meaningless to sit down and have reunion dinner with ppl that dun want to \"reunion\" with you in their heart. Its always a \"vomitting\" meal for me whenever i dine with them. Nowadays , i dun compel myself to do things to make them happy anymore.
Life has nvr been this sweet since i cut off all contact with them. MIL has called me many times since but i nvr once answer them, she stopped when she realised i was very very firm to continue do so . I dun need this kind of ILS in my life. I told my DH that i dun have any blood relation with them, i am not obligated to be filial if its not appreciate. Any big family occasion , he went attend alone, count me out. And that evil SIL , i have treated her like a \"Lu Ren Jia\" since.
MIL always cursed me openly to anyone she knows and even make trips to temple to do so that thunder will struck me for instigating her son to be \"unfilial\" . i dun care coz my conscience is clear. Coz many times, i have told DH not to quarrel with ILS over me. But what did i get in return? Really thoroughly \"xin han\" n \"xin si\" already..........once heart died cant be revive liao..........even revive later will died again and again......its a tiring cycle i went through countless times liao all these years.
To have Peaceful life and to protect my marriage this is what i had to do. Thanks everyone for lenting me ur ears, yes , I will Jia You!! :rahrah: -
No, no ,no, you don't marry into any family, you marry your husband, and together you two build a family.
ningning:
Yep, not long after i married into tat family, i knew i wasnt their ideal DIL. I have tried to be filial to the old and friendly to SIL. But i had enoughs of enough of how they treat me and their games of \"xiao dong zuo\" and words. I had purposely absent at CNY reunion dinner for a couple of years, and will continue to do so. Its meaningless to sit down and have reunion dinner with ppl that dun want to \"reunion\" with you in their heart. Its always a \"vomitting\" meal for me whenever i dine with them. Nowadays , i dun compel myself to do things to make them happy anymore.Flowermonaster:
Hi ningning, it's seem to be that you're not their ideal DIL that's why whatever you do, no matter how good, they will think otherwise. Just do whatever you think is right & don't get affected by their comments. It's our lifes, don't let others live our life! Jia you!
Life has nvr been this sweet since i cut off all contact with them. MIL has called me many times since but i nvr once answer them, she stopped when she realised i was very very firm to continue do so . I dun need this kind of ILS in my life. I told my DH that i dun have any blood relation with them, i am not obligated to be filial if its not appreciate. Any big family occasion , he went attend alone, count me out. And that evil SIL , i have treated her like a \"Lu Ren Jia\" since.
MIL always cursed me openly to anyone she knows and even make trips to temple to do so that thunder will struck me for instigating her son to be \"unfilial\" . i dun care coz my conscience is clear. Coz many times, i have told DH not to quarrel with ILS over me. But what did i get in return? Really thoroughly \"xin han\" n \"xin si\" already..........once heart died cant be revive liao..........even revive later will died again and again......its a tiring cycle i went through countless times liao all these years.
To have Peaceful life and to protect my marriage this is what i had to do. Thanks everyone for lenting me ur ears, yes , I will Jia You!! :rahrah: -
It is our Chinese or Asian thinking that woman marries into a family that is giving rise to this kind of in laws problems , I feel. Because the husband side thinks that the son is theirs, and the wife marries into the family, so the son’s family/house is also theirs, so they have every right to comment , involve, Kay poh.
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To all the pitiful women who are suffering, I really have to salute you for having the love and tolerance for your husbands to continue. If it’s not for them and the kids, I doubt there is any purpose to hold the peace.
Before marriage, shouldn’t it be trying to understand the men we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with ? That itself is not easy. Why are there other ‘baggages’ which are not mentioned before the wedding ?? It’s hard to understand why we have to put up with the rest of his family.
Some in-laws feel that their son is always theirs, as well as the offspring…but the wives are not part of the family. It’s not the Tang or Qing dynasty right ? What kind of society are we living in ? Why aren’t women given the chance to be happy even after marriage, without the old ones coming into the picture and creating trouble ? -
..and for those terror MILs who 'teach' their own daughters to do just the opposite..while expecting their DILs to 'kow taw' to them.. .. :mad: :mad:
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auntieM:
..and for those terror MILs who 'teach' their own daughters to do just the opposite..while expecting their DILs to 'kow taw' to them.. .. :mad: :mad:
Yeah...double standard. They terrorise other's daughters but teach their own daughters how to stand up for their rights :slapshead: What the hell man :mad:
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