In-law problems?

[janet88]

fifiyeo:

Mine here remembers to give the angpows but the birthday angpows......mine is just a fraction of DH and DSs. So what do you think they are trying to say??? Some more can tell me, they \"love\" me like one of their own!! You think so?

Look on the bright side...mine here only expects her big day to be remembered but not for her daughter-in-laws. She doesn't remember my kids birthdays either...so fine, we don't bother with hers.

[yanyan]

Hi, juz wanna ask the Podders here…any of ur dh are super close to their sis? My ils are ok but during early stage of our marriage life, my sil sometimes wouls sow discord between my ils and me… End up whenever i visited them with dd, i am like being treated transparent… Fine, i accepted tat & i work hard to improve our r/s so as not to mk my hb wei nan…


Now is slightly better… But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa…but whenever i ask wat they chat abt…my hb would refuse to tell me anything… I feel uncomfortable lo… But wat else can i do?

Am i being over sensitive?

[janet88]

yanyan:

Now is slightly better.. But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa..but whenever i ask wat they chat abt..my hb would refuse to tell me anything.. I feel uncomfortable lo.. But wat else can i do?


Am i being over sensitive?

My hubby is close to his sister...even accepting her damn rudeness :mad:
If your hubby doesn't want to tell you anything regarding their chat, then don't ask...ignorance is bliss.

[buds]

janet_lee88:

fifiyeo:

Mine here remembers to give the angpows but the birthday angpows......mine is just a fraction of DH and DSs. So what do you think they are trying to say??? Some more can tell me, they \"love\" me like one of their own!! You think so?

Look on the bright side...mine here only expects her big day to be remembered but not for her daughter-in-laws. She doesn't remember my kids birthdays either...so fine, we don't bother with hers.

Love like own flesh n blood or not, I seriously am nvr hard up for any of their hong bao or gifts. Don't give a hoot. I hv also stopped giving my ILs bday gifts. Hubs oso say nvr mind, no need. He brings everyone out for nice bday makan with his whole family.

My ILs remember my kiddies' bday n makes effort to give them something be it $.. toys.. card or cake or even snacks. They say just for happy happy nia cos kids like it. My kiddies like most others are simple minded and appreciate little things in life and don't measure the exquisite-ness of gifts by value or size or whether it's something they fancy n will use. We've taught them to accept gifts gracefully no matter who the giver is or what is given. Mil passed some belated bday gifts for my girls and lo n behold she bought something for me as well! It was nice too! My girls knowing the kind of relationship I hv with them looked at me anticipating my response. I said it's a really nice gift and especially since I nvr expected one in the first plc, I said it's very nice of grandma to give me one. My girls smiled n agreed. Kids observe our body language n responses all the time n while we may not be on fantastic best-pals terms... I maintain cordiality out of respect for an elder n indirectly in respect for my hubs who maintains similar relationship with my folks.

All tt said n done however... I draw the line at the point she or they would say they treat me like their own. My skin will crawl! Eeeeks! :yikes:

I'm used to a variety of drama scripts and scenes with ILs throughout my yeaaarrrssss of marriage life lar hor but I seriously cannot take that bit!
:dowan:

[tutormum]

yanyan:

Hi, juz wanna ask the Podders here..any of ur dh are super close to their sis? My ils are ok but during early stage of our marriage life, my sil sometimes wouls sow discord between my ils and me.. End up whenever i visited them with dd, i am like being treated transparent.. Fine, i accepted tat & i work hard to improve our r/s so as not to mk my hb wei nan..


Now is slightly better.. But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa..but whenever i ask wat they chat abt..my hb would refuse to tell me anything.. I feel uncomfortable lo.. But wat else can i do?

Am i being over sensitive?

No matter what, as DIL we are always the outcast unless can manage to get into PIL 'good shoes'. I expected that from day one but the surprise was from my SIL (DH eldest sis) and SIL3 (DH bro's wife) and not MIL. The rest of SIL still reasonable. MIL tried to be fair to all though could see that somehow somewhere that couldn't be done. SIL3 was the favourite DIL cos of her tongue - very sweet and knows how to innocently back stab you to PIL. Her DH felt bad and apologized to my DH when he realised that his DW was very mean with her remarks. He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her 'low education' tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. DH was very close with his family and never seems to listen between the words so I was always the one :mad: :mad: :mad: He always said that I was too sensitive so much so that there's nothing for me to say. :faint: Our agreement was if there's any celebrations etc in his family, the gifts, ang pows etc would be from him. Same applies to me for my family side. Only CNY ang pows are from me cos incoming ones will be kept by me unless those given specifically for DH. Of course if I wanted to give any gifts to any members of his family, that will be entirely up to me.

[yanyan]

tutormum:

No matter what, as DIL we are always the outcast unless can manage to get into PIL 'good shoes'. I expected that from day one but the surprise was from my SIL (DH eldest sis) and SIL3 (DH bro's wife) and not MIL. The rest of SIL still reasonable. MIL tried to be fair to all though could see that somehow somewhere that couldn't be done. SIL3 was the favourite DIL cos of her tongue - very sweet and knows how to innocently back stab you to PIL. Her DH felt bad and apologized to my DH when he realised that his DW was very mean with her remarks. He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her 'low education' tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. DH was very close with his family and never seems to listen between the words so I was always the one :mad: :mad: :mad: He always said that I was too sensitive so much so that there's nothing for me to say. :faint: Our agreement was if there's any celebrations etc in his family, the gifts, ang pows etc would be from him. Same applies to me for my family side. Only CNY ang pows are from me cos incoming ones will be kept by me unless those given specifically for DH. Of course if I wanted to give any gifts to any members of his family, that will be entirely up to me.

I only need to handle 1 sil and i am already learning to breath very deeply..i cant imagine if i have to deal with more sils...my IL only have 2 children..1 is DH and the other is his sis.. and i have to admit that my ILs are pretty ok with me IF the sil didnt inject any poisonous injections of me...

But same practice applies to me as well... Any stuff/pressie/ang pao for DH's side of family is entertained by him...any for my side is i will handle.. BUT ang paos to my dd given by his side are kept by me and to be deposited into dd's bank account..

[racoon12]

He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character. Her children now very paiseh about her ‘low education’ tongue and I thinks she somehow realised it already. In the end, actions speak louder than words. Over the years so many things happened that SIL3 had bitten her own tongue. [/quote]



Hey… that is the reason i got from my DH and other SIL when we had an argument but until today my that ‘problematic’ SIL still unable to keep her mouth zipped… haiz… still thinking that her way of doing thing is superior than others.

[janet88]

racoon12:

He attributed that to her low education which was obviously more to her character.

Hey... that is the reason i got from my DH and other SIL when we had an argument but until today my that 'problematic' SIL still unable to keep her mouth zipped... haiz.... still thinking that her way of doing thing is superior than others.[/quote]

SIL can't clam up and acts filial...couldn't resist saying something scarcastic to hubby :evil: . Fly 20+ hours back to 'REMIND' her mother not to leave her out of the share of the flat. Cheapskate angmoh husband of hers...supposedly a dentist with many patients.
I feel that it has nothing to do with her low education but more like poor upbringing.

[buds]

janet_lee88:

yanyan:

Now is slightly better.. But sometimes when we back home, my hb would call his sis to check on someting or vice versa..but whenever i ask wat they chat abt..my hb would refuse to tell me anything.. I feel uncomfortable lo.. But wat else can i do?


Am i being over sensitive?

My hubby is close to his sister...even accepting her damn rudeness :mad:
If your hubby doesn't want to tell you anything regarding their chat, then don't ask...ignorance is bliss.

Yanyan, your hubs is close with his sis still not too bad when they whisper whisper in your presence.. mine close to his mommy leh. I have loooonngg ignored the uncomfortable emotion just like janet_lee88 says.. ignorance is bliss.
They say... Say no evil... See no evil... Hear no evil...http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/facebook-smileys.html

Most of the time, even if you do get to know (what the whispers were abt) it either affects your mood through the day or week... or it may inflict feelings that may not be so healthy towards hubby. At first the sensitivity will be brushed often but after a while of training, hope you won't fret your pretty self over it. :hugs: It won't be worth it.

Janet_lee88.. i agree that they can be soo close that they ignore and give in to bloody nonsense attitude. I find because they don't make a stand and condone, they will show some more. :roll:

[jessrav]

Mine is a nightmare.it will take pages for me to pen it down.In short, a totally nightmarish experience.and I have to "report" to her house every once a week just for kids to play.if not hubby will have a war with me as he values close family ties. Yep,we are oth very different with our values…not that I am not close to my family.we have different styles in bringing up the kids, which is very stressful.