In-law problems?
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repeat post - deleted
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Hi northernstar
I know what you mean. No matter what they do now is not appreciated already coz the damage has been done. She never sayang my gal when she was born and only sayang that other baby. After she knew we were not happy, she suddenly kept saying how cute my gal was in front of us. Not the same any more. In fact, that grated on my ears.
She also tried to interfere with how I cook and cleanโฆ what car I drive, what house I buyโฆ
I managed to get DH to see my concerns (not just those I mentioned, there were more serious ones). I had to read between the lines for him coz men are very duhโฆ my points were very sound and totally reasonable so DH sided with me. -
cherrygal:
I managed to get DH to see my concerns (not just those I mentioned, there were more serious ones). I had to read between the lines for him coz men are very duh... my points were very sound and totally reasonable so DH sided with me.
I think this is very very important. No matter what, get the support of your DH first or else it will always constantly be a struggle. When i talk to DH about his mom, i also try to be as objective and reasonable as possible.. but i also admit to him that sometimes my emotions do get in the way and i may not always be right. Still, it is important for me to have him on my side because in the dynamics of him and his family, when i cant have his support, i feel very isolated and alone. So i seek his understanding about that first....
And i explain to him, since he married me and we created our family together, naturally i will feel that his 'allegience' should be with THIS family even if his instinct is to be \"Fair\". But he should also believe me that i do not go out of my way to make things difficult for his mom (family) and go on the defensive for the sake of his parents before hearing what i have to say. So far, that has worked well... he fulfil my emotional needs when i need to vent (so he does the pat pat, sayang, its okie type of thing) and then we get down to serious discussion what the issue is and what WE can do about it. And if it involves going to talk to his parents, that's what he will do. I try not to make it seem like it is HIS problem to talk to his parents by constantly reinforcing the fact that it's OUR family that is being affected.
Vice versa for my family. Bottom line, me and DH always stand on the same line even if behind closed doors, we need to hammer things out first. -
LOLMum:
no lah i won't :nunchuk: u... i just wonder why you dun support me
northern star,you are :imcool: . I was expecting a :nunchuk: from you 
.
Keep up your :imcool: when dealing with your in laws. Most times if one party (best is both parties) is :imcool: , things like arguments, difference won't get out of hands.
it's hard to keep a calm mind if they keep crossing the boundary which i already set haiz... -
znzyzyzx:
did u try ask your DH to go ask her not to buy too many? cos e clothes mess up the whole place. if not, u need to slowly fold or hang them in your wardrobe to tidy the place yourself...Eh, sorry ah, just want to say that I hated it that my mil likes to buy so many clothes for my kids. When i see so many clothes piling in their wardrobe and no chance to be worn, and make the whole place so messy and end up kids wear those few that are always on top of the pile, I get boiling mad , and ended up quarreling with my husband.
So you see, different people , different preference, so , very difficult for mil leh.
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cherrygal:
Hi northernstar
I know what you mean. No matter what they do now is not appreciated already coz the damage has been done. She never sayang my gal when she was born and only sayang that other baby. After she knew we were not happy, she suddenly kept saying how cute my gal was in front of us. Not the same any more. In fact, that grated on my ears.
:goodpost: i like this : No matter what they do now is not appreciated already coz the damage has been done :rahrah:
She also tried to interfere with how I cook and clean... what car I drive, what house I buy...
last time mine also will interfere with the clothes i let my DD wear and where my DH and i go. she even wanted to bother when we ordered buffet for DD's baby shower.
I managed to get DH to see my concerns (not just those I mentioned, there were more serious ones). I had to read between the lines for him coz men are very duh... my points were very sound and totally reasonable so DH sided with me. -
northernstar:
no lah i won't :nunchuk: u... i just wonder why you dun support meLOLMum:
northern star,you are :imcool: . I was expecting a :nunchuk: from you .
Keep up your :imcool: when dealing with your in laws. Most times if one party (best is both parties) is :imcool: , things like arguments, difference won't get out of hands.
it's hard to keep a calm mind if they keep crossing the boundary which i already set haiz...
Haha, I sure do sound unsupportive. Your info also come in separate Posts leh.
Yes, I am not your mil and didn't do things that irritate you, but you didn't go into the attack mode after reading my post. You still kept your :imcool: which is great. :rubhands: or was my tone to mild?
Anyway, just take it easy when dealing with them. Don't dampen your day. :please: -
aurorin:
i do not understand why i can stop my own parents when they interfere too much and he cannot do it. is it cos he is too filial? :stupid:cherrygal:
I managed to get DH to see my concerns (not just those I mentioned, there were more serious ones). I had to read between the lines for him coz men are very duh... my points were very sound and totally reasonable so DH sided with me.
I think this is very very important. No matter what, get the support of your DH first or else it will always constantly be a struggle. When i talk to DH about his mom, i also try to be as objective and reasonable as possible.. but i also admit to him that sometimes my emotions do get in the way and i may not always be right. Still, it is important for me to have him on my side because in the dynamics of him and his family, when i cant have his support, i feel very isolated and alone. So i seek his understanding about that first....
yes, at least you can see my point and understand how i feel. maybe, cos u are also a woman. i'm an emotional person so i cannot be objective and reasonable. i last time had told him the same thing as you did. then, i also got own family problems, already feel very vexed. but now whenever i complaint, he seemed to forget haiz...
And i explain to him, since he married me and we created our family together, naturally i will feel that his 'allegience' should be with THIS family even if his instinct is to be \"Fair\". But he should also believe me that i do not go out of my way to make things difficult for his mom (family) and go on the defensive for the sake of his parents before hearing what i have to say. So far, that has worked well... he fulfil my emotional needs when i need to vent (so he does the pat pat, sayang, its okie type of thing) and then we get down to serious discussion what the issue is and what WE can do about it. And if it involves going to talk to his parents, that's what he will do. I try not to make it seem like it is HIS problem to talk to his parents by constantly reinforcing the fact that it's OUR family that is being affected.
as i had complaint too many times, he thinks talking to his parents himself is not effective anymore. he suggested thrashin things out but i dun wan as it will cause awkwardness... that's why i'm very fedup and sad that he ended up defending his mom without making me his priority.
Vice versa for my family. Bottom line, me and DH always stand on the same line even if behind closed doors, we need to hammer things out first. -
LOLMum:
i dun want to make enemies here :rotflmao: somemore, u seem so encouraging which is great too! it's hard not to deal with them since i have to see them every weekend
Haha, I sure do sound unsupportive. Your info also come in separate Posts leh.
Yes, I am not your mil and didn't do things that irritate you, but you didn't go into the attack mode after reading my post. You still kept your :imcool: which is great. :rubhands: or was my tone to mild?
Anyway, just take it easy when dealing with them. Don't dampen your day. :please:
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northernstar:
Always ask my husband to tell her not to buy. But my husband worried ไผคๅฎณhis mother ็ป็ๅฟ.
did u try ask your DH to go ask her not to buy too many? cos e clothes mess up the whole place. if not, u need to slowly fold or hang them in your wardrobe to tidy the place yourself...znzyzyzx:
Eh, sorry ah, just want to say that I hated it that my mil likes to buy so many clothes for my kids. When i see so many clothes piling in their wardrobe and no chance to be worn, and make the whole place so messy and end up kids wear those few that are always on top of the pile, I get boiling mad , and ended up quarreling with my husband.
So you see, different people , different preference, so , very difficult for mil leh.
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