In-law problems?
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No worries, contentedSAHM.
I have an idiotic SIL too…so I understand completely where you are coming from. That sister of his literally climbs on top of his head. -
contentedSAHM:
Actually depends on how you look at it. One of my sils will bring my pils for holidays. DH will volunteer to pay for it. Sil's DH can well afford it and he will reject it but DH will always offer to pay since they are his parents. In addition, when we went on a family trip with sil, pils and my parents, sil's dh offered to pay for my pils to reduce my dh's load. But of course, DH declined. I feel that to me, he feel that it is his responsibility to do so as he is the only son.I told mil that for the hol she is gg with sil, all expenses will be paid by DH. FYI, I told her in a polite and respectable manner, you know what she replied me. 这是应该的! I was so boiling mad but kept it under control ! Not even a word of thanks or a smile to my DH or ask why is he paying when my sil can well afford it anyway ! Pissed me off really !
We manage our finances seperately and in our case, I don't really bother what he offers to pay for his parents. Eg. his sisters and him wanted to buy those special bed for mil for her birthday.... It cost $4k+. Subsequently, pil and dh felt that since the bed is at our house, it's not nice to ask sils to pay.... So he told them he will bear it. But they all felt that they all agreed that it's a present and they are all ready to offer their share. In the end, he accepted. I am the only child, similarly I have certain commitment to my parents that he will not bother as well. So this arrangement works well for us....
I think my point is that it really depends on your sil's family as in how generous they are with your mil. On the other hand, I personally don't think it's necessary to tell your mil that your dh is paying for it. Maybe it sounded like you are \"advertising\" for your DH's filial piety but seriously if she has been a good mum, she deserves such treatment. Should my ds pay for our holidays next time, I think we deserve it and he should do it. Maybe your mil thinks that way and hence the reaction.
No offence
cool it as I just want to offer a neutral view.
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contentedSAHM:
I am the one who has to remind dh to pay..cos PILs will always expect him to pay, and if he does not, mil will come after him and I hate the feeling of owing $$ esp when MIL has no EQ when come to asking $$hi, am new here, just wanted to air my frustrations too !
recently sil wanted to bring mil for holiday, DH (always being the best big bro) paid for mil's holiday expenses. I told mil that for the hol she is gg with sil, all expenses will be paid by DH. FYI, I told her in a polite and respectable manner, you know what she replied me. 这是应该的! I was so boiling mad but kept it under control ! Not even a word of thanks or a smile to my DH or ask why is he paying when my sil can well afford it anyway ! Pissed me off really !
I am sometimes so sick of DH being the kind one giving and giving and my in-laws just keep taking and taking. I am not asking for monetary returns, at least small kind gestures for my kids and at least my DH ? My best fren told me not to fret as long as DH doesnt stinge on my kids and I but I just feel very irritated sometimes... I cant tell DH cos he will think i am so petty....sorry just need to air my frustrations somewhere...thanks for bearing with me
anyway I learnt my lesson, I will not ask how much he give them..the lesser I know..the less heartpain I will get
I am SAHM, so I know every $$ counts in the family. And sometimes I do feel \"unbalanced\" as I hardly bring my kids or my own mum overseas..and PILs always \"conveniently\" tag along with SILs, and we do not even have a say in the budget cos the \"expectation\" to pay is already in their mind. Once I let it out to DH, and he said I shd not be complaining, instead I shd be grateful that SILs agreed to bring them..it will be more jialat for us to bring his folks with us..treat it as \"spend money to reduce stress\" -
janet_lee88:
My sil is not that bad, although she stay with me, but i do not see her everyday. She went to work early in the morning, my DH sent her to work, n fetch her back fm work every day (diff location) for the past 10 yrs.No worries, contentedSAHM.
I have an idiotic SIL too...so I understand completely where you are coming from. That sister of his literally climbs on top of his head.
The only thing is when we go out with PIL to restaurants, she will not offer to pay. So every restaurant trip per week, DH has to pay at least $150. n she will not share the cost too. I am a SAHM, n i find it so hard to manage the finance, squeezeing here n there :nailbite: n still hv to cater $600 per mth for PIL. Cant she share some of the cost? N for those bigger cost, eg, mosquito neting for the whole house, DH has to pay the cost of it too. When PIL go overseas, DH had to pay for their trip too....she did not contibute at all.
SIL can go oversea every yr... This yr, 2 weeks to china, last yr, 2 weeks to europe..... But DH n i cant afford to go on holiday... :mad: I am not trying to be difficult, but since she is working too, n not married, she can at least share the cost right?
How i envy those who dont live with their PIL, SIL.... I regret not buying my own hse 10 yrs ago, n can never buy another house until PIL are not around... :sad:
I am so streesful that PIL may outlived me :rotflmao: -
When it comes to money issues, the paying part is quite standard for us be it my own mom or my in-laws. We split the cost among all the siblings.
I have seen cases of siblings quarreling over whose is to pay for parents’ hefty medical bills. So i did one smart thing. I proposed buying health insurance for my in-laws to my DH’s siblings. I told my sil n bil to spilt the premium cost with DH using cash n medisave. I told them it’s only fair that they do their part as parents belong to them too. They agreed without qualms, so I think it is still quite okay when it comes to money issues like who’s paying. The health and medical insurance was bought for in-laws primarily to avoid future money issues among their children especially if medical bills are large. You never know how ugly people will turn into when it comes to pay big sums of money. If indeed anything happens, the insurance company will take over the cost, so DH and sil n bil won’t have a chance to quarrel over money issues. -
We did buy medical n accident policies for PIL, n the premiums are all paid by DH for the past 10 yrs. SIL did not even volunteer to pay n DH never wanted to ask as he was afraid to sour their relationship.
mommylow:
When it comes to money issues, the paying part is quite standard for us be it my own mom or my in-laws. We split the cost among all the siblings.
I have seen cases of siblings quarreling over whose is to pay for parents' hefty medical bills. So i did one smart thing. I proposed buying health insurance for my in-laws to my DH's siblings. I told my sil n bil to spilt the premium cost with DH using cash n medisave. I told them it's only fair that they do their part as parents belong to them too. They agreed without qualms, so I think it is still quite okay when it comes to money issues like who's paying. The health and medical insurance was bought for in-laws primarily to avoid future money issues among their children especially if medical bills are large. You never know how ugly people will turn into when it comes to pay big sums of money. If indeed anything happens, the insurance company will take over the cost, so DH and sil n bil won't have a chance to quarrel over money issues. -
SAHM Chew:
My sil is not that bad, although she stay with me, but i do not see her everyday. She went to work early in the morning, my DH sent her to work, n fetch her back fm work every day (diff location) for the past 10 yrs.janet_lee88:
No worries, contentedSAHM.
I have an idiotic SIL too...so I understand completely where you are coming from. That sister of his literally climbs on top of his head.
The only thing is when we go out with PIL to restaurants, she will not offer to pay. So every restaurant trip per week, DH has to pay at least $150. n she will not share the cost too. I am a SAHM, n i find it so hard to manage the finance, squeezeing here n there :nailbite: n still hv to cater $600 per mth for PIL. Cant she share some of the cost? N for those bigger cost, eg, mosquito neting for the whole house, DH has to pay the cost of it too. When PIL go overseas, DH had to pay for their trip too....she did not contibute at all.
SIL can go oversea every yr... This yr, 2 weeks to china, last yr, 2 weeks to europe..... But DH n i cant afford to go on holiday... :mad: I am not trying to be difficult, but since she is working too, n not married, she can at least share the cost right?
How i envy those who dont live with their PIL, SIL.... I regret not buying my own hse 10 yrs ago, n can never buy another house until PIL are not around... :sad:
I am so streesful that PIL may outlived me :rotflmao:
Your SIL is clearly the 拌猪吃老虎 type. She just acts blur and shirk responsibilities. Tell her in the face to be mature. She has to do her part too so long she is earning her own keep. Parents belong to her too. -
Mommylow,
If DH does not even want to say, what else can i say :sad: ... SIL is older than DH...... But still behave like that :roll:mommylow:
My sil is not that bad, although she stay with me, but i do not see her everyday. She went to work early in the morning, my DH sent her to work, n fetch her back fm work every day (diff location) for the past 10 yrs.SAHM Chew:
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]No worries, contentedSAHM.
I have an idiotic SIL too...so I understand completely where you are coming from. That sister of his literally climbs on top of his head.
The only thing is when we go out with PIL to restaurants, she will not offer to pay. So every restaurant trip per week, DH has to pay at least $150. n she will not share the cost too. I am a SAHM, n i find it so hard to manage the finance, squeezeing here n there :nailbite: n still hv to cater $600 per mth for PIL. Cant she share some of the cost? N for those bigger cost, eg, mosquito neting for the whole house, DH has to pay the cost of it too. When PIL go overseas, DH had to pay for their trip too....she did not contibute at all.
SIL can go oversea every yr... This yr, 2 weeks to china, last yr, 2 weeks to europe..... But DH n i cant afford to go on holiday... :mad: I am not trying to be difficult, but since she is working too, n not married, she can at least share the cost right?
How i envy those who dont live with their PIL, SIL.... I regret not buying my own hse 10 yrs ago, n can never buy another house until PIL are not around... :sad:
I am so streesful that PIL may outlived me :rotflmao:
Your SIL is clearly the 拌猪吃老虎 type. She just acts blur and shirk responsibilities. Tell her in the face to be mature. She has to do her part too so long she is earning her own keep. Parents belong to her too.[/quote] -
SAHM Chew, another way to deal with sil is to make her pay for other things instead. You can also squeeze DH to pay for more of you and your family's needs so he does not have extra spare cash to pay for In-laws's minor spendings and sil will have no choice but to take over.
Sometimes, I suspect that when our DH has excessive money on hand, (not forgetting the wives help to scrimp and save) they tend to be overly generous towards their family side, acting like Santa Claus giving and paying for everything. :roll:
Strangely, they don't give as much to wifey's parents and siblings. -
Hmm, my DH always pay the restaurants bills using credit card, n at the end of the mth, the bill will come to me as i am issueing cheque to pay for the cc bills. N where to get the money to pay? It come fm my monthly hsehold $ :sad: n DH still gives MIL $1k per mth for spending $....
SIL always complain she do not have spare $ , but goes for hotel stay in sg 3-4 times a yr... :rant:mommylow:
SAHM Chew, another way to deal with sil is to make her pay for other things instead. You can also squeeze DH to pay for more of you and your family's needs so he does not have extra spare cash to pay for In-laws's minor spendings and sil will have no choice but to take over.
Sometimes, I suspect that when our DH has excessive money on hand, (not forgetting the wives help to scrimp and save) they tend to be overly generous towards their family side, acting like Santa Claus giving and paying for everything. :roll:
Strangely, they don't give as much to wifey's parents and siblings.
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