In-law problems?

[SAHM Chew]

Seriously, I am keen to meet up with the ladies here.... Are we really that bad???!!!! :rotflmao:

[Mawar]

Hugs to you ladies!!


Many of us have walked in your shoes. I have but I am happy to share that we have finally the whole place to ourselves. Well almost because I still need to maintain a room and mattresses for my in laws.

My house was like a hotel or halfway house. We had so many boarders until we had to sign in blood who did laundry on what days. I didn’t have the right to use my kitchen during the early days, and for years I never touched the TV remote control.

Don’t know how we did it but my relationship with DH suffered. We tried to accommodate so many until we had nothing to give each other. We hardly talked because every conversation led to a quarrel. So many little things were so petty. Eg SIL had the habit of using up all cups, we had designated cups and about half a dozen generic ones, and never wash up. Couldn’t even drink water because we had to find and wash them.

But we kept most of the unhappiness between us. I believe the rest appreciated the room & board until they had places of their own. We even helped financially so they could start out. The returns was our own space and freedom.

I can only say, it makes all the difference to have your own place. A place that we can be a family, where we can talk and quarrel freely, and a place we can bring up our kids our own way.

Hang in there, ladies! Your freedom will come.

[janet88]

:snuggles:

Reading all your posts made me feel for you.
How to stay together under one roof?
If I have to stay with that sickening SIL, I would see her undies in the laundry and hang them as well :mad:
Not only that, the house will also look like garung kuni bcos the old one loves clutter and she refuses to throw.

Hang on, I wish you all the best and your own space soon.

[Coolkidsrock2]

I have my problems with in-laws too. Keeping house small so that there is no space for extra persons. There will not be any extra room and TV serials are bad influence and not allowed in my house. Friend’s wife also does the same to ensure his parents are kept from moving in with them.


I always bring something during our visits to keep relationship at a distance, maid goes back into her room if they visit so that cannot kay poh about my family matters and think they now get the message and now seldom visit us unless they need help from hubby on weekday. Usually hubby meets them outside home. Even when hubby or kids are sick, I do not allow visits giving excuse that it may spread to the other kids in the family as PILs helping look after them.

Have managed to draw the lines quite clear over the last 12 years and as kids grow older, we meet less. More tuition = less time.

[janet88]

Coolkidsrock2:

I have my problems with in-laws too. Keeping house small so that there is no space for extra persons. There will not be any extra room and TV serials are bad influence and not allowed in my house. Friend's wife also does the same to ensure his parents are kept from moving in with them.


I always bring something during our visits to keep relationship at a distance, maid goes back into her room if they visit so that cannot kay poh about my family matters and think they now get the message and now seldom visit us unless they need help from hubby on weekday. Usually hubby meets them outside home. Even when hubby or kids are sick, I do not allow visits giving excuse that it may spread to the other kids in the family as PILs helping look after them.

When I had maid back then, I told my maid if old one ever asks her about my family, TELL HER that I do not like her to talk. Other than answering maid's own name and age...do not ask anything else.

[SAHM Chew]

I always envy those who can own their own hse. Not because we cannot afford too, but we are restricted by the rules by hdb. I did not own any property b4 n just because PIL wanted to buy pte property n could not take loans as they had retire, they just simply use DH n SIL name to buy the pte property. N DH n SIL had to service the loan monthly.

Now, DH n me could not buy any hdb, as DH name is in the pte property, n we r not rich enough to get another pte property :sad:. PIL refuse to sell the house n release my DH's name fm the pte property, n PIL refused to move back to HDB.
:sad: :sad: :sad:
We r not able to remove DH name fm the pte property as the $250k from cpf need to be pay back into cpf. PIL n SIL will not be able to pay the $ back to cpf, even though the shares will be transfer to their name. Then DH says that if i wanted to move, we will pay back to cpf ourselves.
:yikes: $250k leh, even i have the $, i will not be so stupid... Am i the seller or the buyer? $250k leh, pay to cpf so that PIL n SIL own the pte hse completely without any effort?

[janet88]

SAHM Chew:

I always envy those who can own their own hse. Not because we cannot afford too, but we are restricted by the rules by hdb. I did not own any property b4 n just because PIL wanted to buy pte property n could not take loans as they had retire, they just simply use DH n SIL name to buy the pte property. N DH n SIL had to service the loan monthly.

Now, DH n me could not buy any hdb, as DH name is in the pte property, n we r not rich enough to get another pte property :sad:. PIL refuse to sell the house n release my DH's name fm the pte property, n PIL refused to move back to HDB.
:sad: :sad: :sad:

So now you are staying private property but unhappy...I would be unhappy too if I had to stay with THEM...own roof and freedom beats this anytime.
I hope you get your freedom and own place soon.

[SAHM Chew]

I dont mind to stay in own hdb even if it is smaller. As long as it is my HOME with my kids. And i can do whatever i like. Eg, inviting my friends to my place, nobody to disturb my kids, nobody interfere in whatever i do. I hate to stay in pte property, cos it is like a prison to me.... Even though current hse is bigger than hdb, but we do not utilise the whole place, so it is wasted too.

I do not feel i am fortunate to stay in pte property. I prefer the down to earth HDB :rotflmao:

janet_lee88:

SAHM Chew:

I always envy those who can own their own hse. Not because we cannot afford too, but we are restricted by the rules by hdb. I did not own any property b4 n just because PIL wanted to buy pte property n could not take loans as they had retire, they just simply use DH n SIL name to buy the pte property. N DH n SIL had to service the loan monthly.
Now, DH n me could not buy any hdb, as DH name is in the pte property, n we r not rich enough to get another pte property :sad:. PIL refuse to sell the house n release my DH's name fm the pte property, n PIL refused to move back to HDB.
:sad: :sad: :sad:

So now you are staying private property but unhappy...I would be unhappy too if I had to stay with THEM...own roof and freedom beats this anytime.
I hope you get your freedom and own place soon.

[buds]

It never really matters what size a house is… as long as it is one we can call HOME.

[Coolkidsrock2]

SAHM Chew:

We r not able to remove DH name fm the pte property as the $250k from cpf need to be pay back into cpf. PIL n SIL will not be able to pay the $ back to cpf, even though the shares will be transfer to their name. Then DH says that if i wanted to move, we will pay back to cpf ourselves.

:yikes: $250k leh, even i have the $, i will not be so stupid... Am i the seller or the buyer? $250k leh, pay to cpf so that PIL n SIL own the pte hse completely without any effort?

Unless your PIL and SIL buy out your hubby's share at market price, you may still be short-changed if DH agrees to transfer out the name for the return of $250k. Real estate prices have gone up so much, am assuming this is a historical purchase, the person whose name is on the title deed will reap the capital gain. From historical data, the low of a cycle is normally higher than the peak of previous cycle, so no matter how unhappy you are, try 不要跟钱过不去.

If you cannot buy a large unit, perhaps can consider a smaller investment unit which can self-finance. Hopefully, it will make you feel better in the times when you feel low.

Someday, my DH will have to buy a car for my BIL. :stompfeet: :frustrated: :mad: In the meantime, I will continue to spend his money on myself and the kids, no point saving too much only to have it suandered away. Decided after so many years of unhappiness that since I cannot change certain things, then I will change my approach. I am very 现实, no matter how unhappy I am, I can put up with it in so far as mine and kids' interest are protected.