In-law problems?
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SAHM Chew:
SAHM Chew, not too sure if my FIL will let the maid do that cos' sometimes even a simple task of asking her to bring down the kids to my PIL void deck also my FIL dont allow...rojakz:
Need some advise here. Currently my maid stays with my PIL not too far from our house. They take care of my kids during the day, fetch them from kindy /childcare. Now the headache part comes because my DS1 is gg to P1 next year. We opted to send him to a school nearer to our hse because the school (there's only 1) near my PILs hse is really really bad.
But we recently found out from the school bus operator that they may not be able to send DS1 back to my PIL hse cos they dont have a route there. MY PIL dont really want to stay with us and even when we suggested that we bring the maid home MOn-Fri to help us look after DS, they got upset with us.
Initially, we hired the maid was to look after my MIL who had a stroke 3yr ago. She is mobile now and a bit coherent although not fully recovered but can still manage on her own. Initially, the cost of the maid was supposed to be co-shared with my SIL but she has defaulted on so many payments for the 1st maid that we totally borne the cost of this 2nd maid on our own.
Our finances definitely dont allow us to hire a 2nd maid or to even send DS1 to an after school care. An after school care cost about $400/month near my hse. Should I just heck it and bring the maid home? Really headache now... i know if I do that my FIL will just hate us and we'll be branded as unfillial among relatives.
We even suggested for my SIL to share the cost of the maid but my FIL refuses to ask her, saying stuff about daughters being married out etc... Any ideas to share??
Since the pri sch is not far from your in laws place, can the maid fetch your DS1 after sch n bring over to your PIL's place? -
Coolkidsrock2:
If they should charge you an exorbitant rate, you can escalate to MOE, LTA as well as some anti-competition or anti-monopoly regulatory body. My problems with the school bus happened about 5 years back so I can only remember the guise of it. Cannot really remember the details.
Hi Coolkidsrock2, thanks for the advice. Think that's what I will do. Will email the principal about this. May I check with you, school bus operators are under MOE's purview or LTA? Worried that even if I escalate the issue, they will give nonsense like how the operator has the discretion to decide on the routes etc... -
There is a reason why students need school bus service and since the award for school bus contracts are decided by the school, why is this simple consideration not included in their contract. How can the school operating framework be so flawed? It is different if the bus is sending your kid free, but the bus has to operate the route if there is a need. This should be the minimum requirement in their terms and conditions. If it is not, the principal should re-look at the contract as well as the calibre of people implementing things.
At that time, my friend’s friend school bus is able to send her 1 kid home from Bukit Timah to Yishun, so if another school can achieve this service standard with the operator, it means that the person there is more deserving of the job?
All my communication is in writing, any verbal will be summarised and send back to the school documentating the contents. The onus is on them to revert if there is any miscommunication by a deadline included in the communication, otherwise it will be deemed good.
I normally work at school level first with Reminder 1 and Reminder 2 all in the same e-mail chain for easy forwarding to MOE for their attention if necessary. Once it gets to MOE, the school will revert very fast.
LTA is more for regulatory related matter, eg insufficient seat belts or squeezing more kids into the bus than the legal limit. Again, goint to the authorities should be when the school is unable to resolve it satisfactorily. -
I have a friend who married an only son…no kids for several years.
Her in-laws can’t do anything because it’s THEIR son who doesn’t want kids. -
rojakz:
From what i understand from my DS1's sch, there are almost 5 bus operators running diff route. In order to get the correct bus operator, we will need to check with the office and the office will ask the bus operator to contact us. Mayb you can call up the office again and check is there any bus operator that is operating your area.Coolkidsrock2:
Rojakz, perhaps you can speak to the school or the bus operator with regard to the school route to your house. Sometimes, the bus operator can do it for an extra charge and you can then decide it it is worth it. It happened to me some years back - DD only student needing school transport for the location. Some schools have a very strong admin/infrastructure framework.
we actually spoke to the bus operator abt it during the p1 orientation but they sounded so cocky cos they were saying that there was a previous case where 5 students lived in the same area but the bus didn't go the route. the guy told me that all the 5 parents spoke to the principle for help but also no use. never go means never go. that's why now I have headache. thought I dont mind paying extra as long as they can send... -
SAHM Chew:
I have the same problem too. but not just PIL but also my parents...how do we ever get the problem across to them? SIGH.
My PIL gives sweets, chocolates and ice cream behind my back too.... Even after i have told them not to give it so often as the kids get sick easily. So since they cannot give in front of us, they just do behind my back :mad:. When the kids get sick, they did not even offered to look after the kids, n i hv to look after 3 sick boys. -
janet_lee88:
ya old ones tend to sayang the young ones...we the middle aged ones cant do much but be bad guy..SAHM Chew,
The old ones always want to play the good guys...so that grand kids like them and be angels in front of their children. But when their grand kids fall sick or kids have to go for operation or need their help after giving birth for eg, these 'angels' either go MIA or come up with excuses like don't know how to go to children's place, or where hospitals are.
Sick of their nonsense.
i already told my parents that if they continue to be like this angelic, then i will always be the devil...then my kids will hate me...then how? lol -
SBKS:
The old ones always thought that since they raised their kids, they know better than us. But they have forgetten that they are the grandparents n not the parents. My dad know my temper n will ask my permission before offering. N my kids do not see my dad often. But my PIL will offered treats to my kids daily, especially, if i asked them to look after for a while. Since my kids are bigger now, i do not ask my PIL to look after them. Not even for 5 mins, as i know, within these 5 mins, anything can happen.
ya old ones tend to sayang the young ones...we the middle aged ones cant do much but be bad guy..janet_lee88:
SAHM Chew,
The old ones always want to play the good guys...so that grand kids like them and be angels in front of their children. But when their grand kids fall sick or kids have to go for operation or need their help after giving birth for eg, these 'angels' either go MIA or come up with excuses like don't know how to go to children's place, or where hospitals are.
Sick of their nonsense.
i already told my parents that if they continue to be like this angelic, then i will always be the devil...then my kids will hate me...then how? lol -
We had a rule with the kids that they will always have to call us if PILs, the maids or any other relatives were taking them out. But my PILs were not happy and refused to let them call us before going out (outings that we are unaware of). Even cover up when maids or other relatives take them out. I’ve caught the maids simply taking the keys and leaving my house with my kid without even telling me to go to the supermarket!!! When we express our unhappiness over this issue, PILs argued that they are the elders so why must they follow our "rules". They say can means can, no need to call means no need to call.
So my ex-maids used to answer us "You go ask your PILs lah!" -
I really have great dislike towards my PILs. They have never failed to make me feel like an outsider. Always never failing to remind me that this is "their" family and I’m an invader.
Anyway I’ve always told DH that they are his parents and I will never stop him from visiting or taking care of them. But don’t ever expect much out of me. DH has never been on very good terms with them. I used to try to bridge the gaps but after being blamed and accused of this and that, forget it liao. None of my business!
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