In-law problems?

[cherrygal]

phtthp:

what is \"无明\" in English ?

解释：不能见到世间实相的根本力量，也是我们执取和贪嗔的根源。

The inability to see the truth... Source of our wants and desires...

[vinegar]

cherrygal:

yes, being married to a mama's boy is no bed of roses... hang in there


But sometimes when I am in a generous mood, I will thank her in my heart for producing such a nice boy that takes good care of me... we just can't get past the \"self\" at times, like what ImMeemee mentioned.

thanks for ur encouragement

[ImMeeMee]

cherrygal:

phtthp:

what is \"无明\" in English ?

解释：不能见到世间实相的根本力量，也是我们执取和贪嗔的根源。

The inability to see the truth... Source of our wants and desires...

I tend to think of it as blind spots in layman terms.

[ImMeeMee]

cherrygal:

phtthp:

what is \"无明\" in English ?

解释：不能见到世间实相的根本力量，也是我们执取和贪嗔的根源。

The inability to see the truth... Source of our wants and desires...

I tend to think of it as blind spots in layman terms.

[Funz]

This CNY, I insisted that DH take the lead to arrange the reunion with MIL and SIL now that FIL is no longer with us. We had a cosy dinner at home. MIL said this was the first reunion without FIL and she was dreading it. SIL said she was so busy she did not want to come. DH was upset with both MIL and SIL’s attitude and DD’s untimely chicken pox and wanted to call the whole thing off but I persisted. Though it took a bit of pushing from me, after dinner, MIL, SIL and DH all showed their appreciation for my effort and pushiness. My kids got to spend time with MIL.


Since DD is down with chicken pox, we were unable to go about out usual visitations. DH wanted us all to just stay home. I told him no way. At the very least, we still have to go bai nian with his mum and my parents. However, as it turned out, MIL opted to work through the CNY, maybe cos she wanted to keep busy to avoid feeling the absence of FIL. I told DH to pin down a day and time, even if it is in the evening of a week day, we go bai nian with her. I brought DS to bai nian with my mum and my uncle on chu yi while DH stayed home with DD. On the 3rd day of CNY, all my relatives who were not at risk of chicken pox infection came to our place and that made DD’s day.

I pestered DH about going to bai nian with his mum. He was puzzled about my insistance. I told him I am surprised myself but I just feel that it is not right for him not to bai nian with his mum. Told him he was filled with regrets about the things that he did not do for and with his dad when FIL passed away, so do not let the same thing happen with his mum.

[ImMeeMee]

cherrygal:

phtthp:

what is \"无明\" in English ?

解释：不能见到世间实相的根本力量，也是我们执取和贪嗔的根源。

The inability to see the truth... Source of our wants and desires...

I tend to think of it as blind spots in layman terms.

[Imami]

ImMeeMee:

cherrygal:

[quote=\"phtthp\"]what is \"无明\" in English ?

解释：不能见到世间实相的根本力量，也是我们执取和贪嗔的根源。

The inability to see the truth... Source of our wants and desires...

I tend to think of it as blind spots in layman terms.[/quote] It can also be termed ignorance.

[Imami]

When we were looking for our first home, we decided we would get a flat in hubby’s neighbourhood (instead of mine, he lived in t payoh and I lived in the west). We got a flat a distance away (short walk 5min) but pil’s unit can see our unit. During the first few years after I shifted in for good, within 5min the lights went up in my unit, hubby’s phone will ring. It will be mil most of the time - asking want to go dinner outside, or "I cook xxx, u want to come and eat?" or we are watching movie aaa now, you want to come and join us?" when I purposely left the toilet light on because I was all alone at home, sil would SMS and remind me that I had forgotten to off the light.


It was very irritating. It came a point when it strained our relationship because I would insist that hubby’s folks were watching us. Haiz…

I only have one son. I hope I don’t become like that next time (but my hubby is not the only child la)…

[Funz]

MIL called DH a few times daily when we were first married. She kept getting DH to go back to her home using excuses like she packed a box of his stuff, or she cooked smthg for him, ask him to pick up on his way back from work. And when he was there, she would ask him to run some errands with her and since need to run errand, might as well have dinner since it is already dinner time. And DH kept getting sucked into this trap time and again cos if he were to tell her cannot make it, she would start laying the guilt trip on him.


All these really got to me especially after a bad wedding experience where relatives of his wanted to make sure that I know my ‘place’.

Over the years, I ‘opened my eyes’ and kinda realise why MIL behaves the way she does. And when that happened, I was less agitated when stuff happen and DH was happier and eventually, MIL’s ‘eyes opened’ too and she realised that I am not exactly the overbearing tyrannical DIL that she made me out to be.

[vinegar]

Funz:

This CNY, I insisted that DH take the lead to arrange the reunion with MIL and SIL now that FIL is no longer with us. We had a cosy dinner at home. MIL said this was the first reunion without FIL and she was dreading it. SIL said she was so busy she did not want to come. DH was upset with both MIL and SIL's attitude and DD's untimely chicken pox and wanted to call the whole thing off but I persisted. Though it took a bit of pushing from me, after dinner, MIL, SIL and DH all showed their appreciation for my effort and pushiness. My kids got to spend time with MIL.


Since DD is down with chicken pox, we were unable to go about out usual visitations. DH wanted us all to just stay home. I told him no way. At the very least, we still have to go bai nian with his mum and my parents. However, as it turned out, MIL opted to work through the CNY, maybe cos she wanted to keep busy to avoid feeling the absence of FIL. I told DH to pin down a day and time, even if it is in the evening of a week day, we go bai nian with her. I brought DS to bai nian with my mum and my uncle on chu yi while DH stayed home with DD. On the 3rd day of CNY, all my relatives who were not at risk of chicken pox infection came to our place and that made DD's day.

I pestered DH about going to bai nian with his mum. He was puzzled about my insistance. I told him I am surprised myself but I just feel that it is not right for him not to bai nian with his mum. Told him he was filled with regrets about the things that he did not do for and with his dad when FIL passed away, so do not let the same thing happen with his mum.

i was used to be like u...insisted my DH goes home for dinner during wkdays,run errands for his parents,buy birthday presents for them,volunteer to do things...Don't expect them to appreciate what i did....but somehow,DH took me granted,when i stopped doing all these for them(due to my kids started primary schooling),DH started to be calculative,unhappy when i asked him to go bk my parents home to bai nei(once per yr thingie).

now i've more chores to do(no more FT or PT maid),buy ingredient+cooking+ferry+coaching my kids....Oredi no time for myself....MIL complains i wanna severe r/s coz i no longer hv time to chit chat wf her.

It is true that we shld spend more time with elderly or we might regret.But it is tough to find a balance. I myself take care almost everything,including fixing lightbulb,clear choked pipe.coz DH works late all the times.We hardly hv time to talk coz by the time he reaches home,finishes his dinner,bath(while I clear the dishes & bath after that), checking my kids homework...i oredi half dead n knock out.