In-law problems?
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Funz:
i was used to be like u...insisted my DH goes home for dinner during wkdays,run errands for his parents,buy birthday presents for them,volunteer to do things...Don't expect them to appreciate what i did....but somehow,DH took me granted,when i stopped doing all these for them(due to my kids started primary schooling),DH started to be calculative,unhappy when i asked him to go bk my parents home to bai nei(once per yr thingie).This CNY, I insisted that DH take the lead to arrange the reunion with MIL and SIL now that FIL is no longer with us. We had a cosy dinner at home. MIL said this was the first reunion without FIL and she was dreading it. SIL said she was so busy she did not want to come. DH was upset with both MIL and SIL's attitude and DD's untimely chicken pox and wanted to call the whole thing off but I persisted. Though it took a bit of pushing from me, after dinner, MIL, SIL and DH all showed their appreciation for my effort and pushiness. My kids got to spend time with MIL.
Since DD is down with chicken pox, we were unable to go about out usual visitations. DH wanted us all to just stay home. I told him no way. At the very least, we still have to go bai nian with his mum and my parents. However, as it turned out, MIL opted to work through the CNY, maybe cos she wanted to keep busy to avoid feeling the absence of FIL. I told DH to pin down a day and time, even if it is in the evening of a week day, we go bai nian with her. I brought DS to bai nian with my mum and my uncle on chu yi while DH stayed home with DD. On the 3rd day of CNY, all my relatives who were not at risk of chicken pox infection came to our place and that made DD's day.
I pestered DH about going to bai nian with his mum. He was puzzled about my insistance. I told him I am surprised myself but I just feel that it is not right for him not to bai nian with his mum. Told him he was filled with regrets about the things that he did not do for and with his dad when FIL passed away, so do not let the same thing happen with his mum.
now i've more chores to do(no more FT or PT maid),buy ingredient+cooking+ferry+coaching my kids....Oredi no time for myself....MIL complains i wanna severe r/s coz i no longer hv time to chit chat wf her.
It is true that we shld spend more time with elderly or we might regret.But it is tough to find a balance. I myself take care almost everything,including fixing lightbulb,clear choked pipe.coz DH works late all the times.We hardly hv time to talk coz by the time he reaches home,finishes his dinner,bath(while I clear the dishes & bath after that), checking my kids homework...i oredi half dead n knock out. -
Funz:
Same le.My MIL also creates lots of funny excuses to get my DH goes home such as borrow screwdriver,ask my DH to buy ice cubes,etc....And she wanna it,my DH has to do it NOW. :imdrowning:MIL called DH a few times daily when we were first married. She kept getting DH to go back to her home using excuses like she packed a box of his stuff, or she cooked smthg for him, ask him to pick up on his way back from work. And when he was there, she would ask him to run some errands with her and since need to run errand, might as well have dinner since it is already dinner time. And DH kept getting sucked into this trap time and again cos if he were to tell her cannot make it, she would start laying the guilt trip on him.
All these really got to me especially after a bad wedding experience where relatives of his wanted to make sure that I know my 'place'.
Over the years, I 'opened my eyes' and kinda realise why MIL behaves the way she does. And when that happened, I was less agitated when stuff happen and DH was happier and eventually, MIL's 'eyes opened' too and she realised that I am not exactly the overbearing tyrannical DIL that she made me out to be.
how u made ur MIL eyes opened? :lightrod: -
Think the mothers refused to let go when sons get married.
My hubby was often asked to go back to drink 凉茶…when I gave birth to kids, she visited, bringing along a bottle of it for hubby. -
janet_lee88:
Haiz. Till now my kids are so big, my mil still call us at least twice a day and when never ans her call, she asked my hubby if i refrain him from answering. =(Think the mothers refused to let go when sons get married.
My hubby was often asked to go back to drink 凉茶...when I gave birth to kids, she visited, bringing along a bottle of it for hubby. -
SaltySalt:
when we don't hv time to ans MIL's calls(driving,cooking,etc)...She'll call \"until\" u pick up the call. :frustrated:
Haiz. Till now my kids are so big, my mil still call us at least twice a day and when never ans her call, she asked my hubby if i refrain him from answering. =(janet_lee88:
Think the mothers refused to let go when sons get married.
My hubby was often asked to go back to drink 凉茶...when I gave birth to kids, she visited, bringing along a bottle of it for hubby. -
one time nearly drove into the drain coz hv to keep answering her calls
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I never stopped hubby from visiting them. But hubby will just buy breakfast on Sunday, ask his father to come downstairs and he passes to him. I cannot stop. My duty call done on CNY first day…with the unhappiness over the flat, I will not get involved. I never wanted to…but hubby kinda asked me to ‘support’ him by saying renting out master bedroom to supplement. That’s how the shit came.
Enough on my plate…don’t want to get myself upset by her. -
told myself hv to tak it easy…now, i jokingly told my DH that he beta put ONE hour coupon coz every time when we run errands,he has to allocate half an hour to talk to his mum.
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janet_lee88:
Janet, I can imagine you doing that to your son next time.. :evil: :siam: :siam:Think the mothers refused to let go when sons get married.
My hubby was often asked to go back to drink 凉茶...when I gave birth to kids, she visited, bringing along a bottle of it for hubby. -
firefly38:
I do not drink Liang teh. Maybe I will have problem letting go when daughter gets married.
Janet, I can imagine you doing that to your son next time.. :evil: :siam: :siam:janet_lee88:
Think the mothers refused to let go when sons get married.
My hubby was often asked to go back to drink 凉茶...when I gave birth to kids, she visited, bringing along a bottle of it for hubby.
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