In-law problems?

[Desserts]

My mil comes to my place unannounced many times too. She thought it was the right thing to do. I think she s being rude. First few times, I showed my displeasure, then she asked dh what's the problem with coming up unannounced, until it became a big fight between her and dh! I had to give in eventually,cause she thinks I m the instigator of all these since I m mostly at home.

I really buay tahan her attitude.
Whenever we go for holidays, she ll want to tag long.we ve brough her few times, but she s really a fussy person, difficult to please, shows black face when she s unhappy with anything. Once, we went on a short trip to Malaysia, without telling her, she called dh and scolded 'why, you scared i follow you is it?'
Her other sons have never brought her overseas, not even to jb before. I'm really scratching my head why she behaves like that to us and not to the other sons :?: :?

Sorry for ranting.

[vinegar]

yes…can understand.


There was once she came announced,and i was in mid of changing clothes,coz son vomited all over my clothes.

i think they might not do it in purpose.They might not know this could bring unconvenience to others…esp…when her relatives also came n stayed very late during my confinement.Instead of busy wf newborn,DH was busy entertaining her relatives.

[popireis]

Oh talking about "family" holidays, I have a few things to say too!


My MIL oso likes to tag along with us, that’s fine… the only prob is, whenever she goes with us, she will insist her fav eldest DIL (big BIL’s wife) and daughter (MIL grand-daughter, my DSs cousin) go with us too… and end up, many times we have to foot the bill for food, drinks etc for everyone…

If the DIL is not free, MIL will insist to bring the cousin along.
Years later, we found out that it is not bcos MIL loves to go travelling with us, it’s jus that she wans DSs’ cousin to have what my DSs have (eldest BIL do not bring them out at all), e.g. if my DSs go to "branded" school, cousin must go same school, DSs have computer games, cousin must oso have the same, even if it means MIL is the one who has to pay for it.

[Imami]

Sun_2010:

Canvas:

I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.

This is so true.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:

My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:

There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men

Haiz…. This is so true. But really, things will change.

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub. Despite the great discomfort, for once I was happily scrubbing. Because my hubby finally declared to his mum that it would be the last time I would be cleaning up at her place and from then on, they (in law) would have to manage (the cleaning) themselves. That was the first time “things change”, having been helping out at in law’s place (even though I didn’t stay there) for a long time. My so tong finally took a stand.

The second time came last year when my mil was very sick but all her children could not be there for her. No fish, prawn also good, she accepted some of my help. These days, she is much better to me. she would tell me to pop over her place for dinner if my hubby not in sg, so I don’t need to cook and would ask what I want to eat (never in the 17 years since I know her).

So things really may change (for the better)….

[Canvas]

Sun_2010:

Canvas:

I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.

This is so true.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:

My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:

There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men

Some men are very good at acting blur lor but by doing so, the wife has to kena all the arrows. When a man takes charge, he receives respect and MIL will not dare to bully the DIL and the DIL will also not dream of being disrespectful to the MIL. My 2cts worth.

[popireis]

About visiting unannounced, when I used to stay with them, my MIL will go into our room WITHOUT knocking... even when we are asleep. She will scold if we locked our rooms.


When we bought our first house, MIL oso asked for a set of keys. DH & me disagreed but we have to tactfully tell her some other reasons. Once, she came unannounced, and with her friends, and DS was having tuition half-way! I had to terminate the tuition session just to entertain her and her friends

[popireis]

About visiting unannounced, when I used to stay with them, my MIL will go into our room WITHOUT knocking... even when we are asleep. She will scold if we locked our rooms.


When we bought our first house, MIL oso asked for a set of keys. DH & me disagreed but we have to tactfully tell her some other reasons. Once, she came unannounced, and with her friends, and DS was having tuition half-way! I had to terminate the tuition session just to entertain her and her friends

[vinegar]

Some men are very good at acting blur lor but by doing so, the wife has to kena all the arrows. When a man takes charge, he receives respect and MIL will not dare to bully the DIL and the DIL will also not dream of being disrespectful to the MIL. My 2cts worth


:goodpost: :goodpost: :hi5:

Well said! MIL doesn't dare to lay a finger on eldest DIL, coz she is \"well-protected\" by her hubby(who is my DH's elder brother)

My DH falls under \"sotong\" category. :sad:

[vinegar]

Imami:

Sun_2010:

[quote=\"Canvas\"]

I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.

This is so true.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:

My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:

There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men

Haiz…. This is so true. But really, things will change.

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub. Despite the great discomfort, for once I was happily scrubbing. Because my hubby finally declared to his mum that it would be the last time I would be cleaning up at her place and from then on, they (in law) would have to manage (the cleaning) themselves. That was the first time “things change”, having been helping out at in law’s place (even though I didn’t stay there) for a long time. My so tong finally took a stand.

The second time came last year when my mil was very sick but all her children could not be there for her. No fish, prawn also good, she accepted some of my help. These days, she is much better to me. she would tell me to pop over her place for dinner if my hubby not in sg, so I don’t need to cook and would ask what I want to eat (never in the 17 years since I know her).

So things really may change (for the better)….[/quote]U changed my perspective on u....

[vinegar]

So lessons learnt:


1)nvr give keys to them.
2)get a house miles away fr. them