In-law problems?
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Sun_2010:
Some men are very good at acting blur lor but by doing so, the wife has to kena all the arrows. When a man takes charge, he receives respect and MIL will not dare to bully the DIL and the DIL will also not dream of being disrespectful to the MIL. My 2cts worth.
This is so true.Canvas:
I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:
My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:
There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men
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About visiting unannounced, when I used to stay with them, my MIL will go into our room WITHOUT knocking... even when we are asleep. She will scold if we locked our rooms.
When we bought our first house, MIL oso asked for a set of keys. DH & me disagreed but we have to tactfully tell her some other reasons. Once, she came unannounced, and with her friends, and DS was having tuition half-way! I had to terminate the tuition session just to entertain her and her friends
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About visiting unannounced, when I used to stay with them, my MIL will go into our room WITHOUT knocking... even when we are asleep. She will scold if we locked our rooms.
When we bought our first house, MIL oso asked for a set of keys. DH & me disagreed but we have to tactfully tell her some other reasons. Once, she came unannounced, and with her friends, and DS was having tuition half-way! I had to terminate the tuition session just to entertain her and her friends -
Some men are very good at acting blur lor but by doing so, the wife has to kena all the arrows. When a man takes charge, he receives respect and MIL will not dare to bully the DIL and the DIL will also not dream of being disrespectful to the MIL. My 2cts worth
:goodpost: :goodpost: :hi5:
Well said! MIL doesn't dare to lay a finger on eldest DIL, coz she is \"well-protected\" by her hubby(who is my DH's elder brother)
My DH falls under \"sotong\" category. :sad: -
Imami:
Haiz…. This is so true. But really, things will change.
This is so true.Sun_2010:
[quote=\"Canvas\"]
I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:
My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:
There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men
3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub. Despite the great discomfort, for once I was happily scrubbing. Because my hubby finally declared to his mum that it would be the last time I would be cleaning up at her place and from then on, they (in law) would have to manage (the cleaning) themselves. That was the first time “things change”, having been helping out at in law’s place (even though I didn’t stay there) for a long time. My so tong finally took a stand.
The second time came last year when my mil was very sick but all her children could not be there for her. No fish, prawn also good, she accepted some of my help. These days, she is much better to me. she would tell me to pop over her place for dinner if my hubby not in sg, so I don’t need to cook and would ask what I want to eat (never in the 17 years since I know her).
So things really may change (for the better)….[/quote]U changed my perspective on u....
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So lessons learnt:
1)nvr give keys to them.
2)get a house miles away fr. them -
Prepare to hunt fr a hse at Pasir Ris/Tampines…
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Wow imami, :salute: you! When mil had a day op, nobody could take care of her, we asked her to stay over. But, I don't know why she s nasty to us.
Really? My bil is mummy s boy, my mil dared not touched sil. Bil is very 'obedient' to his mother. But I suspect it s dil s mother who is a tigress, that s why, sil is untouched. My dh is not very closed to mil, yet we get most nonsense.
Haha vinegar, I fully agree with your 2 points. When we first got married, we blur blur gave her the keys, end up my house Kena inspected when we were working. Now we are wiser. Hehe.
No one wants to sour a relationship with our own family members, if she s not so demanding and give us some respect, don't talk rubbish, like ' i m glad you are not my only son, or you are a useless son, you children will do that to you, etc' I m sure our relationship will still be cordial. -
Hahaha… staying miles away from them they oso have things to say wor…
Mine used to say we purposely move VERY far away (in actual fact we were only 5 MRT stations away) bcos we dun wan (scared) her to visit us… -
Desserts:
Kinda agree with u here. My own mum is like a mouse infront of MIL, thus I oso got the most nonsense from her. She will \"complain\" about me to my mum, and say insulting words about my mum in front of me. yes, my mum may have her own nonsense but she's older than MIL and shouldn't MIL be showing some respect to my mum too?Really? My bil is mummy s boy, my mil dared not touched sil. Bil is very 'obedient' to his mother. But I suspect it s dil s mother who is a tigress, that s why, sil is untouched. My dh is not very closed to mil, yet we get most nonsense.
2 other DILs' mums are either tigeress or highly educated so she dare not touch them.
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