In-law problems?

[vinegar]

Imami:

Sun_2010:

[quote=\"Canvas\"]

I wish all of you the best in your relationship with your in laws. :snuggles: I used to think that the son/husband would be in a spot being in the middle but the fact is, he can change the situation by making a stand if things turn ugly.

This is so true.
The son is usually the crux . He is the one who should set expectations and limits, most likely women will listen to him. If he lets himself get manipulated, he is going to miserable and make everyone miserable. :gloomy:

My take is most women are reasonable ( both DILs and MILs ) Its our insecurities and craving for love and a tinge(!) of possessiveness that makes us act irrational. If a man can convince the women that his love and care for them is secure, there would be far less heartache. Unfortunately few attempt this before it is too late. Nurturing relationships is not one of their strenghts :roll:

There are no evil MILs or DILs , but plenty of sotong men

Haiz…. This is so true. But really, things will change.

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub. Despite the great discomfort, for once I was happily scrubbing. Because my hubby finally declared to his mum that it would be the last time I would be cleaning up at her place and from then on, they (in law) would have to manage (the cleaning) themselves. That was the first time “things change”, having been helping out at in law’s place (even though I didn’t stay there) for a long time. My so tong finally took a stand.

The second time came last year when my mil was very sick but all her children could not be there for her. No fish, prawn also good, she accepted some of my help. These days, she is much better to me. she would tell me to pop over her place for dinner if my hubby not in sg, so I don’t need to cook and would ask what I want to eat (never in the 17 years since I know her).

So things really may change (for the better)….[/quote]U changed my perspective on u....

[vinegar]

So lessons learnt:


1)nvr give keys to them.
2)get a house miles away fr. them

[vinegar]

Prepare to hunt fr a hse at Pasir Ris/Tampines…

[Desserts]

Wow imami, :salute: you! When mil had a day op, nobody could take care of her, we asked her to stay over. But, I don't know why she s nasty to us.


Really? My bil is mummy s boy, my mil dared not touched sil. Bil is very 'obedient' to his mother. But I suspect it s dil s mother who is a tigress, that s why, sil is untouched. My dh is not very closed to mil, yet we get most nonsense.

Haha vinegar, I fully agree with your 2 points. When we first got married, we blur blur gave her the keys, end up my house Kena inspected when we were working. Now we are wiser. Hehe.

No one wants to sour a relationship with our own family members, if she s not so demanding and give us some respect, don't talk rubbish, like ' i m glad you are not my only son, or you are a useless son, you children will do that to you, etc' I m sure our relationship will still be cordial.

[popireis]

Hahaha… staying miles away from them they oso have things to say wor…


Mine used to say we purposely move VERY far away (in actual fact we were only 5 MRT stations away) bcos we dun wan (scared) her to visit us…

[popireis]

Desserts:

Really? My bil is mummy s boy, my mil dared not touched sil. Bil is very 'obedient' to his mother. But I suspect it s dil s mother who is a tigress, that s why, sil is untouched. My dh is not very closed to mil, yet we get most nonsense.

Kinda agree with u here. My own mum is like a mouse infront of MIL, thus I oso got the most nonsense from her. She will \"complain\" about me to my mum, and say insulting words about my mum in front of me. yes, my mum may have her own nonsense but she's older than MIL and shouldn't MIL be showing some respect to my mum too?

2 other DILs' mums are either tigeress or highly educated so she dare not touch them.

[Imami]

Actually I have not done a lot (to better the relationship between my in laws and myself) so no need to think highly for me. I just hope a lot (that things would change) hahahah. My purpose of voicing out is to plant some hope in the dils who have problem with their mils that things may change. I just want to provide myself as an example that such things DO happen. If there is no such case, most people wont believe that things will change.


You have to believe that you (the dil) will change too. I have never thought I would fork out my own money to give my in laws ang bao (becos we practise “your parents you settle”) and that I would drive them to visit my bil (hubby’s younger bro). But I did all these.

When I gave my in laws the ang bao, I could always feel the guilt in my fil. I think he feels apologetic. The first year when I gave my mil the ang bao, she no feel. But subsequently. She always hold my hand and say thank you. This speaks a lot, as I always feel that she thinks her son deserves someone better.

don’t belittle such simple gestures (in law expressing simple appreciation), they don’t always come naturally.

Now getting ready to leave office. Got time then I share with you all my story with my in laws. But please, take it positively – things may change, for the better, one day.

[sleepy]

popireis:

My own mum is like a mouse infront of MIL, thus I oso got the most nonsense from her. She will \"complain\" about me to my mum, and say insulting words about my mum in front of me. yes, my mum may have her own nonsense but she's older than MIL and shouldn't MIL be showing some respect to my mum too?


2 other DILs' mums are either tigeress or highly educated so she dare not touch them.

Oh, I didn't realise parents in law will chit chat often :scratchhead:

My mum & MIL don't talk to each other le. Not that they're not on good terms, just don't have the habit to chit chat with each other on a social basis. When they do meet up (the last time was my bro's wedding few years ago) they would chat.

I noticed my mum doesn't talk over the phone to SIL's folks either. And I also notice my MIL doesn't chit chat with her other DIL's mum.

Basically no exchange of info :evil:

[sleepy]

Imami:

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub.

:yikes:
:salute: your tolerance.

I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.
I never once scrub toilet at my own parents' house. My mum would be so heartpained if I'm forced to scrub IL's.

And I imagine I would be super pissed if my daughters have to scrub toilets at their future ILs house and I would think they're being ill-treated by their ILs. My daughters are so precious to me so I expect their future spouse to take equally good care of them. If really have to scrub toilets, ask their own sons to scrub! Guess I will be a tigress MIL next time :evil:

[vinegar]

I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.


:hi5: share the same sentiments as u