In-law problems?
-
My sil (bro’s wife) stayed with us for 3 years before they finally moved out when their flat was ready. There were definitely a gap between her upbringing, lifestyle and beliefs. She could not speak any dialect and my mum could only speak hokkien then.
Looking back I could tell that my bro and sil had some rough patches when they first married. Was it my mother’s fault? I honestly dunno know. For I think that my mum must be one of the best mil to have in the world and my sil, also one of the best dil/sil to have in the world. What went wrong (to cause the rough patches)? Let’s just say when two tectonic plates come too close together, we get earthquakes. There were uneasiness/ awkwardness but never outright tension or unhappiness.
I was too young to help. Too young to mess up too (I hope) but anyway I adore this sil. She is like a sis I never have. These days, I thought I see a genuine love between my mum and my sil. In fact, she was more patient than me with my mum at times. My mum could drive us nuts by cooking A LOT and insist we eat them, if not ta bao the food back.
This sil dutifully washes the dishes after every family dinner. This has been the case for close to 20yrs. The few times she didn’t do it was when she hurt her wrist (my bro, the husband did it), my another bro insisted doing it and when I insisted doing it (a few times). Does she resent that( washing for years)? I dunno, I don’t think so. I knew some of my sil’s friends. One of them ever said sil had mentioned that my mum was a very good mil and she (sil) felt that she has two mums.
My take on mil-dil relationship is that even the best-est pair can set off earthquakes. It takes more than 2 persons (fil, mil, dil and son, sil, bil etc), big hearts and sincerity from all parties. Live and let live. -
Imami:
:goodpost: :thankyou:My sil (bro's wife) stayed with us for 3 years before they finally moved out when their flat was ready. There were definitely a gap between her upbringing, lifestyle and beliefs. She could not speak any dialect and my mum could only speak hokkien then.
Looking back I could tell that my bro and sil had some rough patches when they first married. Was it my mother's fault? I honestly dunno know. For I think that my mum must be one of the best mil to have in the world and my sil, also one of the best dil/sil to have in the world. What went wrong (to cause the rough patches)? Let's just say when two tectonic plates come too close together, we get earthquakes. There were uneasiness/ awkwardness but never outright tension or unhappiness..
I was too young to help. Too young to mess up too (I hope) but anyway I adore this sil. She is like a sis I never have. These days, I thought I see a genuine love between my mum and my sil. In fact, she was more patient than me with my mum at times. My mum could drive us nuts by cooking A LOT and insist we eat them, if not ta bao the food back.
This sil dutifully washes the dishes after every family dinner. This has been the case for close to 20yrs. The few times she didn't do it was when she hurt her wrist (my bro, the husband did it), my another bro insisted doing it and when I insisted doing it (a few times). Does she resent that( washing for years)? I dunno, I don't think so. I knew some of my sil's friends. One of them ever said sil had mentioned that my mum was a very good mil and she (sil) felt that she has two mums.
My take on mil-dil relationship is that even the best-est pair can set off earthquakes. It takes more than 2 persons (fil, mil, dil and son, sil, bil etc), big hearts and sincerity from all parties. Live and let live. -
vinegar:
I have no help from anyone too. And need to do the cooking,sending, fetching, teaching..... All by myself. Sometimes, I felt so tired, and no one could really understand.....i'm facing the same prob too..lots of ppl don't understand the life of SAHM.They thought it is pretty easy.
If i am out in the morning,I also hv to rush home by 11am to get the lunch done,b4 picking up kids.Frds said i've poor time mgmt,but they don't understand...coz they don't cook n they've maids/mother/MIL to help out. I am totally alone.
Tried hire PT maids few times,but they can't come early in morning n leave b4 i nid to be put to pick my kids.Nowadays,PT maid also give prob as FT maid.Encountered one China PRC PT maid who spit on basin after she has washed the basin.
On the other hand, my MIL is also a SAHM, but she did not need to look after her kids til they were 5 yrs old. Her kids stay with her nanny.... And she do not cook or fetch her kids. They travelled by sch bus... She do not need to teach her kids as she is literate..... We have the same post but our jobs are so different....
-
Yes, fresco, so true, we have to learn to give and take.
Sahm chew, me too, got no help. Also got to bao ga Liao from teaching to cooking, marketing , etc. So, will sometimes ask the husband to give me some time off, to relax.
Think we Sahm, really need time to chill out, for me, I take it as a time to reflect on myself, ESP when I had a crazy week, or shouting at the kids too much. I also don’t have a big heart to stay with my in laws long term, cause I ll end up having to serve them. Hahaha.
When mil came to stay over for 2 days sometimes, she practically treated herself as queen, and I had to serve her all 3 meals, she didn’t lift a finger to help, not even minor things like folding the clothes or clear up after meals. I even treated her to pedi and mani and foot reflex. Knowing she has no dds, i try my best to fill in as one. Hb also saw that his mother is calculative and petty and hard to please.
Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.
But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.
Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas. -
KSmom8:
If your MIL is unhappy with you, you are probably doing something right!
I :salute: you. Wish DH was as enlightened as you.3Boys:
DW was SAHM briefly, and one can get depressed in that role. The well-being of the family is very dependent on the well-being of the mum. Do take time off to recharge, buy some new clothes, feel good about yourself. As you love your family, you must do this for yourself, you must. It's more important than doing the dishes, more important than taking the kids to enrichment class.
I was so unhappy when I first stopped work for 1 year when DC1 was younger. Tried to do too much, I think.
When I became a SAHM for the 2nd time, I sometimes chill out in cafes whilst the children are in enrichment. I don't cook every dinner and lunch. Even though, I have a maid, I now do at least 50% of the chores (with each new maid, I end up doing more)....
Perhaps... That's why MIL is unhappy with this lazy DIL. SAHM is a 24 / 7 job and I'd rather keep my sanity.
To all SAHMs, do take time to love yourself. :grphug:
Look after yourself, and everything else will be easier. -
Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.
If DIL doesn’t do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life…should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can’t teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right. -
janet_lee88:
Do you mean yours?Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.
If DIL doesn't do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life...should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can't teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right.
While my mil is not very close to me, I have to say she has never said any of those before....the one on maid is not applicable, since I don't have one. But she has ever asked me to get her one though. -
Desserts:
My hb does give me time off.... But with all the tuitions and CCA on weekends, hard for me to take time off, as i need to make sure that they are at the correct time at the correct place.Yes, fresco, so true, we have to learn to give and take.
Sahm chew, me too, got no help. Also got to bao ga Liao from teaching to cooking, marketing , etc. So, will sometimes ask the husband to give me some time off, to relax.
Think we Sahm, really need time to chill out, for me, I take it as a time to reflect on myself, ESP when I had a crazy week, or shouting at the kids too much. I also don't have a big heart to stay with my in laws long term, cause I ll end up having to serve them. Hahaha.
When mil came to stay over for 2 days sometimes, she practically treated herself as queen, and I had to serve her all 3 meals, she didn't lift a finger to help, not even minor things like folding the clothes or clear up after meals. I even treated her to pedi and mani and foot reflex. Knowing she has no dds, i try my best to fill in as one. Hb also saw that his mother is calculative and petty and hard to please.
Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.
But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.
Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas.
I think I give myself too much stress, and takes everything upon myself. -
Desserts:
Forget about looking after the old one...I am really unable to bring myself to do it. The first day of CNY made hubby (especially) and I pissed with her ridiculous attitude. If she wants to be served and waited upon, ask her daughter to do it...since that daughter is eyeing her parents flat.
Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.
But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.
Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas.
With son in sec 1, I am still learning to adjust to his new schedule...can't let go completely but have to give him leeway to grow...finding that balance is hard :stupid: At 13 where he is not mature but yet no small boy, parents still have to be in some control before he goes haywire. Hubby worked from home for 2 days last week and he saw how restricted I am.
SAHMs need to stay sane or we will not be able to get things done. Men have to work...so it is not possible to expect them to run operation at home. -
sleepy:
this one i can Fully understand...DH,mil or frds don't understand....even my own mum also doesn't understand...very frustrating...Don't blame her,coz during her times,she didn't nid to ferry/teach the children.We all grew up 200% auto pilot.Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.
I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.
My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.
I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.
Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login