In-law problems?
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janet_lee88:
Have you ever considered a medical condition with this type of MIL?vinegar:
my MIL always likes to do the way she likes n force u to do her ways.When she wanna something to be done,she wanna u to do it right away.Pity my dh who suffered under her for past 30 over yrs.
Mine here called the shots all these years...FIL is extremely hen pecked.
Sons had to obey but she can't get daughter to do so. Daughter inherited her mother's love to issue commands.
Recently I communicated with a psychologist about some behaviours of my younger boy and her prelim diagnosis is Autism Asperger's Syndrome.
Reference from http://www.autism-society.org/about-autism/aspergers-syndrome/
\"Individuals with Asperger's Disorder usually want to fit in and have interaction with others; they simply don't know how to do it. They may be socially awkward, not understanding of conventional social rules, or show a lack of empathy\" -
Her mindset is she talks, nobody rebuts...case closed.
She is stubborn and naive. None of her children can get through to her.
She wanted to sell her fully paid 3 room for a brand new one in tiong bahru :slapshead: how is she going to pay for it? Sale from the present flat is definitely insufficient...must have listened to some crap.
She wants extra money but shot down all the ideas offered.
-sell the flat and buy senior citizen unit which has facilities...no way bcos she said no place for daughter and family to stay if they come back to visit.
-rent out master bed room...again, no.
-buy-back scheme...again, no.
-cut down on smoking and drinking...she almost killed hubby and blasted him...told hubby he will get retribution for saying that. -
I think the comment on retribution is probably due to your MIL’s possible addiction to smoking and drinking. Don’t think any mother would mean it.
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My mum once commented that a MIL will never be 100% happy with their DILs and still be able to find fault, no matter how good the DIL is. This was after her mother ( my maternal grandma ) complained to her about her DIL ( my aunt ). This aunt of mine lived with grandma after marriage, had a full time job and looked after her.
Sad to say, after so many years, I have the opinion that MILs are not the same as mothers, and DILs will not be treated as daughters. Hence, I have no expectations of MIL, and really do the minimal expected of a DIL. I’ve given up trying to be a good DIL so long ago. I think keeping a distance is good and a cordial relationship is better for both of us.
It still amazes and saddens me that she still complains about me to her relatives though, after so many years. This is judging from the comments and advice I received from certain relatives ( from DH side ). Same complaints - would have thought that after so many years, she would have given up and accepted me just as I am. -
Was wondering .... Are MILs nice because their DIL is fierce?
I once told my mum that my MIL came to my room after dinner at my place, whilst I was pregnant and resting ( had a complicated pregnancy and was advised to be on bed rest ), specifically to tell me that my floor was sticky. My mum said I should have got out of bed, fill the pail with water and drag it to the living room, and start mopping the floor in front of her, FIL and DH, in my pregnant state. I was like :scared: :yikes: then, but my mum said, wasn't that what MIL expected of me, to specifically make an effort to speak personally to me about it?
My mum always said that my paternal grandma was the nicest MIL. My paternal grandma was very nice though, to most people, especially the grandkids.
After that \"suggestion\" from my mum, I never mention any inappropriate and tactless comments from MIL to my mum. Afraid she will \"scold\" ( or do something ) when she meets MIL. -
I’m also fairly lucky. Apart from mil calling DH to ask if he has eaten dinner, she didn’t really do things to annoy me. I guess she is probably concerned as I’m usually busy.
Previously she asked if DH or I’m earning more but it was like donkey years ago already. Swept under the carpet already.
When my DS was born, mil was upset that I didn’t put DS under her care but she has since straighten things out. On usual days, mil is busy with 2 grandsons (sil’s sons). I allow DS to stay over during holidays also. DS can deal with my mil well. Words coated with honey. Sweetens my mil’s heart. In fact, mil sometimes takes my boy along when she goes on holidays. -
My MIL lives opposite my block and \"stalks\" us frequently. If we are playing downstairs she would usually happen to \"pass by\". If I am talking to neighbors at the coridor she will happen to \"drop by\". And she would pass by a few times a day and check whether our car is in our out at the routine hours. Anything out of routine, she will call and find out why?
Last weekend, a friend came to get something from me and wanted some plants from the coridor. So we stood there talking - and sure enough... MIL happen to \"drop by\". And of course she would make her appearance known. To my friend that she has not seen in her life... she just stood there between the 2 of us and started going \"What are you doing? Cut plants ah? For what ah? You also like plants ah? You stay nearby? You always come over? How many you take? Can grow ah? Got space? I am the husband's mother. I live opposite..... \" My friend was like :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: -
Maybe she longs to see you/her son/her grandchildren but ran out of \"acceptable\" excuses?
I know I would, I would missed my grown up children, no matter how far they will be and how their lives take them... but I would probably hone my EQ first, before I am being accused of stalking.... for whatever worth there maybe.
We are all parents.... the day will come
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Harlequin:
I know. I always try to remember that my MIL is a mother who loves her son as all mothers do. Fiercely. Just as I do. So I try not to sweat the small stuff...Maybe she longs to see you/her son/her grandchildren but ran out of \"acceptable\" excuses?
I know I would, I would missed my grown up children, no matter how far they will be and how their lives take them... but I would probably hone my EQ first, before I am being accused of stalking.... for whatever worth there maybe.
We are all parents.... the day will come
Hopefully I will be able to handle this better, without stepping on toes, when it is my turn :xedfingers: .
Afterall, now our life revolves around the kids/DH to a large extent, so one day if DIL or Son-in-law feels that the I, the MIL is an outsider who should just butt out and keep out of their family , it would hurt. And possible make my life seem not worth it . -
Urm… no leh… this stalking business is in addition to coming over to my place up to 5 times a day! She has the keys to my place and comes over anytime, never have a problem with running out of excuse!
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