In-law problems?
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vinegar:
Is your DH working or have his own business? If working for a company, how to answer his mother's call during a meeting? Isn't it very disruptive?atrecord:
my mother had never called me or talked to me much, so i'm actually really surprised to hear such things... But i guess the bond must be quite good to warrant such contacts, and sadly i'm maybe not so close to my mother...
Yes,their bonds r very closed....MIL treats him like daughter.He doesn't hv mind on his own....
if the mother has more things to do, maybe she will not have so much time to make such calls.
Yes,she is very free.......a tai tai.Another reason...she is control-freak
and if there are other siblings, can maybe ask them to help to tell the mother to cut down on such calls, and the duration of each call - if it is not so easy to tell her directly.
no use.....the more u ask her not to call,the more she would callif happened to me, i'll tell her straight too busy to talk... -
ngl2010:
yes,indeed.I think he'll still pick up her call. His mother is his priority..forever...
Is your DH working or have his own business? If working for a company, how to answer his mother's call during a meeting? Isn't it very disruptive? -
if i am busy attending my kiddo,i’ll ask caller that i’ll call bk later.
i told him why can’t u call her back when u r free? Coz we’ve hv very limited to run errands,sometx,the situation really doesn’t allow him to talk more,for e.g. when we r in the mid of medical chkup.
Last night,we’ve hv huge quarrels.I told him in this case,i’ll run errands myself n go for chkup myself. I’ve medical condition which nid regular chkup,most of the times i go myself,sometx,i nid him to be ard when doc explains.
i really half hearted.
He said he wanna quit his job but still holding on.We’ve plan to migrate so a lot of things to settle.I couldn’t help him coz i oredi overloaded wf hsehold chores,cooking n take care of kiddo.
i asked him to stay focus n prioritize.In order to gain something,he has to give up certain thing.His parents oso nid lots of attn.I asked him not to neglect his health.
I don’t know what his parents thinking…to me,what’s most impt r my children happiness n health.My PIL seem only tink abt themselves. -
I feel so neglected.....
....and I'm actually happy about it!!!
:imcool:
:rahrah: -
janet_lee88:
Hubby used to go for exercise on Sundays...not anymore bcos he has to buy breakfast for them. I can't say anything...and since I don't have to put up with them, I don't care.
maybe i shld adopt ur mentality.Let him continue to \"serve\" his parents till his health shows red light.Then don't expect me to take care of him,ask his mum to take care of him -
vinegar:
My MIL loves to come over early mornings in the weekends (has a key, walks straight in... go figure!). I am usually awake by 7 plus so end up entertaining her... :siao: :siao: I kept on telling hubby it is ridiculous (and I even latched my door!) but it doesn't bother hubby cos he sleeps till 10am! But last couple of years I got smart - the moment she walks in I would tell my kids to go tell papa grandma is here. And we do that again and again until he leaves the bed. So he finally started telling his mom that it is too early, too early... so now the timing is about 9am.janet_lee88:
Hubby used to go for exercise on Sundays...not anymore bcos he has to buy breakfast for them. I can't say anything...and since I don't have to put up with them, I don't care.
maybe i shld adopt ur mentality.Let him continue to \"serve\" his parents till his health shows red light.Then don't expect me to take care of him,ask his mum to take care of him
But still... we just kick him out of bed the moment MIL walks in. :boogie: :boogie: Anyway, that also prevents MIL from going to my room and sitting on my bed and having pillow talk with my hubby :mad: :mad:
Oh... and I am usually blessedly ignored by MIL (when she visits)... and when she calls she doesn't even address me \"XX at home?\". That gets a yes or a no and then end of my part. In the past she tried calling me at work but I would tell her to call DH. DH is very busy at work so .... -
Imami:
Yes, same as my mil, she will used the same phrases...sick.
:scared: :scared: xx= stupid?popireis:
Mine's fav phrase is 傻瓜 & 笨蛋 (meaning stupid, for the benefit of those who dun understand chinese).
She will go \"your XX son...\"
or say to DSs \"you are so XX...\"
or ask DSs \"are you XX?\" for nothing, or as start of conversation.
:mad: -
I’m also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I’m not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the ‘queen’. When she is in the kitchen I will ‘siam’ (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her…
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless ("bo be gao suo" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way "can eat, anything will do".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil ‘I was tired’ during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was "你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!". Her remark really "piss me off"…ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible. -
vinegar:
If they are really very close, then it shouldn't be too difficult for your DH to have a heart-to-heart talk with his mother to tell her that due to changing times and needs, she should be more understanding and will need to change her habit of calling him. He can of course try to dedicate some time to her but she must understand that while last time before had gf she can have lion's share of his time, now there is DW, kids, family, work, personal - all sorts of priorities so inevitably the time available will reduce.atrecord:
my mother had never called me or talked to me much, so i'm actually really surprised to hear such things... But i guess the bond must be quite good to warrant such contacts, and sadly i'm maybe not so close to my mother...
Yes,their bonds r very closed....MIL treats him like daughter.He doesn't hv mind on his own....
if the mother has more things to do, maybe she will not have so much time to make such calls.
Yes,she is very free.......a tai tai.Another reason...she is control-freak
and if there are other siblings, can maybe ask them to help to tell the mother to cut down on such calls, and the duration of each call - if it is not so easy to tell her directly.
no use.....the more u ask her not to call,the more she would callif happened to me, i'll tell her straight too busy to talk... -
oliveoil:
I sympathise with you.I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.
Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...
I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...
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