In-law problems?
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Speaking of the nearing CNY, i frankly do not mind festivities and
gatherings. I excel in it just because my conscience is crystal clear.
I make effort to acknowledge everyone in the family and make effort
to call everyone by the name that they're called within the family. This
is one time MIL will pretend that everything's almost fine especially in the
presence of the men... cousins, uncles, her ILs' side... I find that i thrive in
a big group setting being simply put - that i am a very people person.
I take pride in knowing what each aunt likes to do in her free time, which
uncle likes which TV programme, which grandpa likes which kind of food
(i'll cook it) and which cousins like what, so i can mingle fairly with each
and every one of them (be it sports, BGRs, school, (etc) within one short
gathering.
I enjoy being around people. I enjoy being around family. Even if it's just
during that one gathering... I get to be myself. We will all catch up, enjoy
good makan and everything's nice and well with everybody. I don't even
care anymore that MIL has to bitch about her issues with me (as if really
have... :roll:) cause i know it is during these kinda family reunions
everyone else gets to see me for who i am. I don't pretend to be
someone i'm not and i never do.
I engage everyone in conversation with my silly banter or talk politics
and heavy stuff with those who like it that way... I make the guests
laugh... remember the names of their children and grandchildren... where
they stay and what they still do. The educator side of me handles most of
the children well and at times i have a group of children automatically
sitting around me listening to me casually talking about something which
is actually nothing but is interesting to the small children... I help out with
the serving of the feast and also with cleaning up the table. I am involved.
I am part of this family and i want to be remembered as family... while i
still can at least.
For me, i look forward to festivities and any form of family gatherings...
unlike hubs. :politebleah: He will try to wriggle his way out of even any
mention of one. :siam: Truth be told, i have the list of addresses for all
the family members and their contact numbers. Aunties have asked that
i call them or visit them once in awhile, don't hafta wait for gatherings or
festivities to meet up. I told hubs if he always tai-chi his way out of these
meet ups, next time no one will remember him esp the older ones.
Or worse no one might turn up for his funeral! :!:
Even sometimes when he has to work, my girls and i will join MIL with her
rounds. This SIL wud never even think of doing... SIL asked how i managed
and i truthfully told her, i don't mind as i am usually the one who initiates
that we check on the old folks once a while. SIL does get irritated at times
when the relatives dun even remember her name, while i get big hugs at
the door and called by name or nicknames. She'll ask, \"Wah, you all seem
to know each other very well hor..\" At that, i usually just tell her, \"They're
all family, sis.\" Now smile... :hugs: -
tree nymph:
Wah, pei-fu! :udawoman:3boys,
Respect is earned, not given. when we meet any elders, we will respect them, no matter who they are and what they do. that includes my MIL. But when they start to be unreasonable, bitchy, undependable, doesn't show respect to others and even mocking their own DILs infront of others... then the ''respect account'' in the 'bank' will be withdrawn bit by bit. sooner and later, this account will have to be closed due to deficit balance!
generation gap, there sure is one. but give some benefits to the younger generation that they may do a good job although its via a different way. have to give space and time to the younger generation too. Respect the younger generation too!
Can even explain in banking terms leh.. :salute: -
CNY is coming soon, but i've no mood for it... have not started getting the festive goodies and not remotely interested to get the new notes and collecting different angbao from the diff banks...
something happened when i was 7 mths preg with #2. I stayed over at my mum's place on friday and went back on saturday. it was near to CNY and the maid has got the instructions to clean up the house. My MIL was saying that there's not enough hangers in the house and kept asking me to get it. only thing is i was quite busy and was also waiting for hb to go market to get it together. (actually, MIL has her own car and knows how to drive perfectly, but didn't want to get the hangers but wanted me to do it cos she doesn't want to waste her time getting them). that saturday, i came back to a very messy cupboard. my clothes were hang in the hangers but they looked very untidy. when i took one hanger out, i realized that there are at least 3-4 piece of blouses in one hanger and the blouses are facing different directions and some are crumpled. i was :!: ! one by one, i pulled out the hangers and some of the blouses on the hanger dropped and i was crying and getting angry at the same time.
maybe my hormones were acting up then too lah, but i cried and cried and asked the maid what have she done to my cupboard and my clothes. she told me that my MIL asked her to clear up my cupboard - just throw some clothes away since i can't use my normal clothes and am wearing preggy clothes hence can free up the hangers. i was like :x :x :x
i felt like packing everything into a suitcase, take my DS1 and leave. while i was still debating if its a case of miscommunication between the maid and MIL, my FIL sheepishly informed me that he heard the instructions given to the maid from MIL and it was waht the maid had done! :!:
MIL has one extra 3 door full size cupboard FILLED with her old working clothes which are more then 10 years old hanging. why didn't she clear some of it? why did she touch my stuff???
:nunchuk: -
buds:
hemmhemm...
Wah, pei-fu! :udawoman:tree nymph:
3boys,
Respect is earned, not given. when we meet any elders, we will respect them, no matter who they are and what they do. that includes my MIL. But when they start to be unreasonable, bitchy, undependable, doesn't show respect to others and even mocking their own DILs infront of others... then the ''respect account'' in the 'bank' will be withdrawn bit by bit. sooner and later, this account will have to be closed due to deficit balance!
generation gap, there sure is one. but give some benefits to the younger generation that they may do a good job although its via a different way. have to give space and time to the younger generation too. Respect the younger generation too!
Can even explain in banking terms leh.. :salute:
:evil:
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I will be singing praises in all dialects known to mankind if my MIL had shown a little care.
Thanks to her, my own mum will always be 'laughed at' by our own relatives cause I have such PILs. My mum helped me loads, son was very sick in the early years and hubby travelled frequently
.
My MIL has NEVER EVER lost 1 min of sleep for my boy. She the 'glam' granny with the carefree life, my mum the granny that's gets to do the job.
I will never be a butterfly MIL (to heavy to lift off anyway) for sure. I will respect DIL and be there for them when they need me.....genuinely -
tree nymph:
My gosh, don't MIL's know privacy? I've got gal friends who've had similar experiences and then keep their bedroom doors locked.CNY is coming soon, but i've no mood for it... have not started getting the festive goodies and not remotely interested to get the new notes and collecting different angbao from the diff banks...
something happened when i was 7 mths preg with #2. I stayed over at my mum's place on friday and went back on saturday. it was near to CNY and the maid has got the instructions to clean up the house. My MIL was saying that there's not enough hangers in the house and kept asking me to get it. only thing is i was quite busy and was also waiting for hb to go market to get it together. (actually, MIL has her own car and knows how to drive perfectly, but didn't want to get the hangers but wanted me to do it cos she doesn't want to waste her time getting them). that saturday, i came back to a very messy cupboard. my clothes were hang in the hangers but they looked very untidy. when i took one hanger out, i realized that there are at least 3-4 piece of blouses in one hanger and the blouses are facing different directions and some are crumpled. i was :!: ! one by one, i pulled out the hangers and some of the blouses on the hanger dropped and i was crying and getting angry at the same time.
maybe my hormones were acting up then too lah, but i cried and cried and asked the maid what have she done to my cupboard and my clothes. she told me that my MIL asked her to clear up my cupboard - just throw some clothes away since i can't use my normal clothes and am wearing preggy clothes hence can free up the hangers. i was like :x :x :x
i felt like packing everything into a suitcase, take my DS1 and leave. while i was still debating if its a case of miscommunication between the maid and MIL, my FIL sheepishly informed me that he heard the instructions given to the maid from MIL and it was waht the maid had done! :!:
MIL has one extra 3 door full size cupboard FILLED with her old working clothes which are more then 10 years old hanging. why didn't she clear some of it? why did she touch my stuff???
:nunchuk:
As for us, my MIL likes to snoop around my bookshelves when she was looking after DD.
My #2 helper had problems with her husband back in the PH who had an affair. We were counselling her and trying to help her through the dark patch. :love: Then some time later, I found one of my books entitled \"The Other Woman in your Marraige\" in the maid's room. I asked her how it got there...and her response was that MIL gave it to her and asked her to read :roll:
Without even consulting me?!
And she knew my policy about maids taking things without permission....and worse still, that book isn't about how to handle EMA etc... it's about how to handle in-laws...the \"other woman\" referred to in the title is the MIL. :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
Me thinks till this day, she (MIL) still thinks she is very clever! -
Andaiz:
Andaiz,
My gosh, don't MIL's know privacy? I've got gal friends who've had similar experiences and then keep their bedroom doors locked.
As for us, my MIL likes to snoop around my bookshelves when she was looking after DD.
My #2 helper had problems with her husband back in the PH who had an affair. We were counselling her and trying to help her through the dark patch. :love: Then some time later, I found one of my books entitled \"The Other Woman in your Marraige\" in the maid's room. I asked her how it got there...and her response was that MIL gave it to her and asked her to read :roll:
Without even consulting me?! And she knew my policy about maids taking things without permission....and worse still, that book isn't about how to handle EMA etc... it's about how to handle in-laws...the \"other woman\" referred to in the title is the MIL. :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
Me thinks till this day, she (MIL) still thinks she is very clever!
she knows about privacy, so she didn't come in herself and take out all the hangers, she asked the maid to do it!
that day i cried so much, my eyes were swollen. she didn't dare to make any noise or move, just hid in her room...
I went to the shop and bought the whole carton box of hangers back (i think it was 20 dozens?). The shop owner was so surprised and very worried about me cos my tears keep dropping... :roll: I packed all the clothes onto individual hangers properly, and gave the rest of the hangers to the maid - only to find out that they were later brought to MIL's maiden's house in malaysia a few weeks later... :stupid: :stupid:
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Andaiz,
how’s the book? "The Other Woman in your Marriage"… does it offer any insights and useful tips? -
tree nymph:
It's quite good for a rookie DIL (bought it before marraige) and it talks about trying to understand MILs, how to maintain good relationship and since it is written for an ang mo audience, the \"festive minefields\" section needs to be applied everyday.Andaiz,
how's the book? \"The Other Woman in your Marriage\"... does it offer any insights and useful tips?
But one very important factor that they say (and I agree) is that the Spouse is a great support factor. And when all else fails, implore their sense of protection over their son(s) and tell them that the one who suffers is HIM!
Actually, the one I truly enjoyed is this book by a Malaysian author (I got directly through the internet so you can google) entitled MOTHER-IN-LAW, DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. It's very Asian in context so many things like \"face\", \"only one son\" etc are very relevant. Plus it ain't preachy - just very funny! :love: -
Hi all,
Seems that some MILs don’t have basic manners…wonder what will happen if their personal stuff gets meddled with, thrown or given to maid.
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