In-law problems?

[auntieM]

I will be singing praises in all dialects known to mankind if my MIL had shown a little care.

Thanks to her, my own mum will always be 'laughed at' by our own relatives cause I have such PILs. My mum helped me loads, son was very sick in the early years and hubby travelled frequently .
My MIL has NEVER EVER lost 1 min of sleep for my boy. She the 'glam' granny with the carefree life, my mum the granny that's gets to do the job.

I will never be a butterfly MIL (to heavy to lift off anyway) for sure. I will respect DIL and be there for them when they need me.....genuinely

[Andaiz]

tree nymph:

CNY is coming soon, but i've no mood for it... have not started getting the festive goodies and not remotely interested to get the new notes and collecting different angbao from the diff banks...


something happened when i was 7 mths preg with #2. I stayed over at my mum's place on friday and went back on saturday. it was near to CNY and the maid has got the instructions to clean up the house. My MIL was saying that there's not enough hangers in the house and kept asking me to get it. only thing is i was quite busy and was also waiting for hb to go market to get it together. (actually, MIL has her own car and knows how to drive perfectly, but didn't want to get the hangers but wanted me to do it cos she doesn't want to waste her time getting them). that saturday, i came back to a very messy cupboard. my clothes were hang in the hangers but they looked very untidy. when i took one hanger out, i realized that there are at least 3-4 piece of blouses in one hanger and the blouses are facing different directions and some are crumpled. i was :!: ! one by one, i pulled out the hangers and some of the blouses on the hanger dropped and i was crying and getting angry at the same time.

maybe my hormones were acting up then too lah, but i cried and cried and asked the maid what have she done to my cupboard and my clothes. she told me that my MIL asked her to clear up my cupboard - just throw some clothes away since i can't use my normal clothes and am wearing preggy clothes hence can free up the hangers. i was like :x :x :x

i felt like packing everything into a suitcase, take my DS1 and leave. while i was still debating if its a case of miscommunication between the maid and MIL, my FIL sheepishly informed me that he heard the instructions given to the maid from MIL and it was waht the maid had done! :!:

MIL has one extra 3 door full size cupboard FILLED with her old working clothes which are more then 10 years old hanging. why didn't she clear some of it? why did she touch my stuff???

:nunchuk:

My gosh, don't MIL's know privacy? I've got gal friends who've had similar experiences and then keep their bedroom doors locked.

As for us, my MIL likes to snoop around my bookshelves when she was looking after DD.

My #2 helper had problems with her husband back in the PH who had an affair. We were counselling her and trying to help her through the dark patch. :love: Then some time later, I found one of my books entitled \"The Other Woman in your Marraige\" in the maid's room. I asked her how it got there...and her response was that MIL gave it to her and asked her to read :roll:

Without even consulting me?! And she knew my policy about maids taking things without permission....and worse still, that book isn't about how to handle EMA etc... it's about how to handle in-laws...the \"other woman\" referred to in the title is the MIL. :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

Me thinks till this day, she (MIL) still thinks she is very clever!

[tree nymph]

Andaiz:

My gosh, don't MIL's know privacy? I've got gal friends who've had similar experiences and then keep their bedroom doors locked.

As for us, my MIL likes to snoop around my bookshelves when she was looking after DD.

My #2 helper had problems with her husband back in the PH who had an affair. We were counselling her and trying to help her through the dark patch. :love: Then some time later, I found one of my books entitled \"The Other Woman in your Marraige\" in the maid's room. I asked her how it got there...and her response was that MIL gave it to her and asked her to read :roll:

Without even consulting me?! And she knew my policy about maids taking things without permission....and worse still, that book isn't about how to handle EMA etc... it's about how to handle in-laws...the \"other woman\" referred to in the title is the MIL. :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

Me thinks till this day, she (MIL) still thinks she is very clever!

Andaiz,
she knows about privacy, so she didn't come in herself and take out all the hangers, she asked the maid to do it!

that day i cried so much, my eyes were swollen. she didn't dare to make any noise or move, just hid in her room...

I went to the shop and bought the whole carton box of hangers back (i think it was 20 dozens?). The shop owner was so surprised and very worried about me cos my tears keep dropping... :roll: I packed all the clothes onto individual hangers properly, and gave the rest of the hangers to the maid - only to find out that they were later brought to MIL's maiden's house in malaysia a few weeks later... :stupid: :stupid:

[tree nymph]

Andaiz,

how’s the book? "The Other Woman in your Marriage"… does it offer any insights and useful tips?

[Andaiz]

tree nymph:

Andaiz,

how's the book? \"The Other Woman in your Marriage\"... does it offer any insights and useful tips?

It's quite good for a rookie DIL (bought it before marraige) and it talks about trying to understand MILs, how to maintain good relationship and since it is written for an ang mo audience, the \"festive minefields\" section needs to be applied everyday.

But one very important factor that they say (and I agree) is that the Spouse is a great support factor. And when all else fails, implore their sense of protection over their son(s) and tell them that the one who suffers is HIM!

Actually, the one I truly enjoyed is this book by a Malaysian author (I got directly through the internet so you can google) entitled MOTHER-IN-LAW, DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. It's very Asian in context so many things like \"face\", \"only one son\" etc are very relevant. Plus it ain't preachy - just very funny! :love:

[auntieM]

Hi all,

Seems that some MILs don’t have basic manners…wonder what will happen if their personal stuff gets meddled with, thrown or given to maid.

[Andaiz]

lovekidsverymuch:

..


When i told my DH bout it he says its ok she has not taken anything she is trying to tidy ur stuff i was like :x

wah, lovekidsverymuch, you're very patient leh... I'd have :rant: :nunchuk: I tidy MY stuff the way I like it done!

[winth]

tree nymph:

winth:

CNY coming.


SIL bec she is now married out so had to have CNY dinners with her own in-laws. So, now reunion dinner is changed to reunion lunch and I'm free from the reunion dinner with PIL.

After struggling for so many years on how we should arrange reunion dinners, finally, and thanks to SIL, now I get to have reunion dinner with my parents.

Last time, CNY was like dat:
- CNY eve, eat reunion dinner at MIL place as a family
- Day 1, eat dinner at MIL's elder sis place with her relatives*
- Day 2, eat dinner at MIL place together with her relatives* (she's ranked number 2 among the sisters)
- Day 3, eat dinner at MIL's younger sis place with her relatives*

*same batch of relatives

I'm no one's daughter and FIL doesn't get to eat dinner with his own relatives. Only first day of CNY, morning is allocated for him to visit his elder brother.

Last CNY, lagi worse, went for Malaysia trip with her side relatives to Cameron (nightmare trip), back home by Day 1 evening. Day 2 supposed to follow the above schedule, and was told that we just need to pay respects to my parents on Day 2 lunch hour.

winth,
you win liao! and you go with it?? :shock:

my MIL also treats me like I'm no one's daughter and we have to follow her's and her daughter's schedule. cos only her daugher and herself has a mother and no one else has a mother leh...

That was for the first few years.

And now every year (think since last 2 years), we go visit our parents on day 1 in the late afternoon right after the new year visits with FIL's relatives. Nowa'years', MIL told us that we don't have to go visit FIL's relatives too if we are tired. But MIL would tell us that we must go to her elder sis to pay respects (erm, i'm not the least related to her) and have dinner there. DH finally told her the big 'NO' few years back cos I would quarrel with DH all these years, how come I don't seem to be able to even visit my side's parents and relatives.

Now, we go for day 2 and day 3 schedule. I don't detest DH's third aunt cos she's a really sincere lady and I know that she doesn't gossip about me with MIL. She talks to me really nicely and I would like to go to her place to just sit around. So, that's not too much of obligation.

Now I'm just so happy that bec of MIL's daughter, she suggested reunion lunch. DH said he's fine with reunion dinner with my family or we just a cosy dinner as a family. I'm just so HAPPY!

[hquek]

hi winth,


congratulations on your 解脱. I’m lucky cos MIL’s DD married before us, so reunion makan prior to the actual day was set as such.

[3Boys]

Despite my misgivings, I must say some of you ladies really do crack me up with your posts :lol: .


buds, tree nymph, I don't doubt you have problems lah......read my post again, I think you'll understand what I am getting at.