In-law problems?
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buds:
Yes, that's why we don't talk anymore, not even on the phone. No point making each other unhappy. Life is too short to waste on such kind of people.
Me too, minnie. She was fantastic b4 hubs and i tied the knot. Totally cool.
But alas it was all a facade.
It's true... tho beyond hope now that she'll
treat me like her own, i now dun care anymore. After her last ill actions
i have just minded my own business. You go about your day, and i will
go about mine albeit in the same house. No fuel no fire mah. So no talking
equals no arguing. Correct?
The only good MIL I know is my friend's. She told me her MIL was treated badly by her own MIL that's why she doesn't want to do the same to her own DIL. But my friend is also an articulate and laid-back person, unlike me who's more straight forward and doesn't know how to act. On the other hand, my MIL is one of those bitter, untrusting, cynical and suspicious type who can never be pleased. She even suspects her own niece of stealing her things. :roll: -
I’ve had enuf of the shit oredi. I’m up to my neck full.
I just mind my business and my distance with them.
Dowan to quarrel anymore. I’m reali worn out by
these freaking politics. It is supposed to be a home
for God’s sake. Not a battle ground. No one’s a winner
in a family argument. Each episode just fuels up more
animosity amongst everyone in da house making it
uncomfortable a place to stay.
So i back down. Just guai guai shut my mouth up.
That’s unlike me so hubs gets worried. Cos i am
not the type who is quiet. When i’m quiet, something
is not right… I dun even care now when she thinks i
am being awfully rude not responding. Just stoic and
zombie-like around her. No expression. No life kinda
persona… well there is no life to begin with when one
is out to destroy another’s happiness and sanity at all
cost.
I’m already unhappy with my life… thanks to her i
became unhappy with my marriage and my husband
too at times. I told him to divorce me b4 we had kids
so to spare me of all the crap. She doesn’t like me…
I’m fine with it. And i can get out of the marriage… we
were already arguing so much then anyway. So fed up.
So very unhappy. She was a real pain…:x
The cost part i tell next time. That was one of the last
straws i cud take. Beyond my wildest imagination…
G’nite now… somebody tossing and turning liao. -
buds:
That's difficult then as your hubby's $$ is locked-in to the house. Anyway to convince her to buyout your hubby's share so you can buy another of your own? It's good for both parties. But it looks like you're lessor of an evil to her compared to your SILShared by them. They got the house months before we got married.
Being her equal property, she will say she doesn't want to sell her
asset. In other words, she doesn't want us to get our own place.
She says it's better for families to stay together. :roll: That's not
what she said when hubs and i stayed at my parents' place.
Double standards. And she told me straight in the face she cannot
figure how it'll be like staying with SIL whom she says is quite the
ice queen. She doesn't like it that SIL can be forthright to her and
may seem mean at times that she gets frustrated enuf to tell me..
and still despite that she doesn't appreciate me who treats her well.
I just dun get it lar.. do you? Kicked out of the house.. ya, she says
it is her house (hubs holds main share) and that i better know my
place. She will not bat an eyelid lah i tell you, if i leave but she wun
let my kids and hubs leave with me. As usual, wants control over
everything, so that she has upper hand over me. Thats why it upsets
her and FIL when it seems to them hubs leaves certain matters up to
my decision. Not man enuf. Hen-pecked. No b***s. Scared of a woman.
Blah blah blah... she says the same thing about BIL too. But dun dare
mention it when he comes over. Back talking as usual. I heck care liao.
My MIL also has big problems with my SIL, or ex-SIL as she and my BIL are getting a divorce. I believe she plays a major role in destroying their marriage.
Anyway v tired and going to bed too. Goodnite! -
Wah...didn't log on for a day and this thread has blossomed :!: :!:
minnie2004:
minnie2004, I'm beginning to think that MILs on this post have a secret manual. My MIL is suspicious of EVERYONE - her maids for stealing food, her SIL's maid for stealing her clothes (apparently saw HER blouse on teh helper), my 1st maid for stealing her diamonds and insisted that she checked her room in our absence but I told DH and HE insisted that there be a third party and this is done in the maid's presence - and it was :sick: on her part, no mention of it liao....and her classic ME of stealing her precious son!... my MIL is one of those bitter, untrusting, cynical and suspicious type who can never be pleased. She even suspects her own niece of stealing her things. :roll:
Of course, I'd not measure up (in her eyes) to SIL who comes from a \"good\" family. She used to tell DH that I am a HDB dweller, I work in Finance so very :evil: and street smart...but HE knows I'm not that and is as straightforward as it can get! So that's why I don't know how to \"zuo hao ren\" in front of his parents, which SIL can.
Now, MIL likes to complain about SIL and her spoilt nature etc etc to us till DH told her to not bother telling tales about her but rather concentrate on praying for her! :celebrate:
I call that: The Emperor Strikes Back :laugh: -
tree nymph:
\\rugrats_pat,
how are you now? Have you thought about moving out?
Yes
They were very upset but I had a good talk to MIL and promised will come back often.
Which we did cause dd id parked there before going to school. -
minnie2004:
I know what you mean. I would love to have a vacation with them actually BUT I guess I hve thrown out that idea long ago....hi rugrats_pat, I totally understand how you feel. Don't think I can live a single day like that (a 10-day vacation with my MIL was enough to put me into depression for a whole year).
I heard that in China, the most sought after spouse canditates are those \"you lou you che, fu mo shuang wang\" (have property and car, both parents dead). I was shocked at first but I think there's a lot of truth to it.
I have to admit there is some truth in this \"fu mu shuang wang\" but that too late for it right hahahha -
buds:
Anyway I told HB that if they ever grow too old and we need to stay together again I said it has to be at MY house. HB said no way!! Who's house also NO WAY!!!
On one hand want hubs to be filial to his parents.
Take care of them in their golden years but who
will take care of me, if my marriage fails then.. -
Still remember the first job that I had, my direct manager wanted to do a house visit, I couldnt say no.
-
buds:
hi buds,I've had enuf of the shit oredi. I'm up to my neck full.
I just mind my business and my distance with them.
Easy for me to say, but I do mean it in all sincerity. Please jia you and cling on - if only for your kids. So easy to throw in the towel, but it's just not worth it.
Everyone's tolerance got limit. Since yours seemed to have been breached, maintain your silence. When she speaks, think of her as singing karaoke.
I really hope things do get better for you.
After my brush with MIL, things have gotten better. But I'm the meanie. I'm the one practicing the quiet stance....so tiam tiam in front of her face, don't talk too much - and even avoid talk to her.
Jia you. Jia you. Jia you. -
After close to 2 decades of nonsense, I have learnt to just ignore whatever my MIL and SIL say. It's so easy for them to swing from one truth to another. Don't know if it is the culture or something.
So Buds, my sympathy, and I honestly don't know what is the best solution given you are living under the same roof, I got out 14 years ago. Perhaps plan frequent holidays out of the country, or even to Sentosa over the weekends just to avoid the contact.
My experience tells me that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it is really difficult to turn the situation around. So, I resort to avoiding. I found that it is really not worth quarreling over people who really didn't matter in the relationship, it's just between the 2 married people, right? And if hubby is a great guy, then it won't be fair to him if we act irrationally.
These days, I don't have any contact with my ILs until absolutely necessary. One time, my MIL wanted to come over and visit, and I knew it was because she wanted to know my daughter's PSLE score and I was defiant, didn't want to tell her. I basically got out of the house with the whole family so that she could not come. She was disappointed, but I was determined not to let her intrude into my family life. She will go around spreading all my kids' results which I do not like, whether it is good or bad. Don't like to compare here, compare there among the relatives.
When my son went to the uni at 14, she said it will spoil the brain going to uni so early. When my son got into GEP, she said people who got in didn't even want to go, so what's the big deal. So will compare her daughter with my daughters :siao:, she will compare my kids with all her relatives' kids.
If I cook something nice, she said I am a lousy cook because a good cook must be like her, cook from memory and not use a cookbook. My SIL and MIL spread this 'gospel truth' to my children and told them that \"Ah mah's cooking is the best\". My kids fortunately still enjoy my cooking. She told me very early in the marriage that it is unfortunate to have a smart DIL. She was comparing me with her other 'O' levels DIL. And, I am the only DIL who gave her 5 grandchildren. The rest of the 2 DIL got nothing.
When I bought her something nice to wear (like jewelry and bags), it ended up in SIL's cupboards. When I bought her nice things to eat, she said she had eaten much better food than that. When I offered to bring her to tailor her new MIL clothes, she said no need, her daughter would do it.
When my SIL gave birth and my FIL passed on, she basically gave me 0 days' notice and dumped my family, forcing me to be AWOL from my job as the head of the company, and I subsequently had to quit my job paying all the salary in-lieu of notice period (which was 60 days). I had warned her not to do it 5 months in advance, but she did it anyway. I told her to give me notice so that I could give my employers notice. That has cost me a career upset and a bad reputation. This is one of the reasons why I am in semi-retirement now.
When she promised me to do my confinement, she came for a week (no night duties), and then cried to FIL that she lost 3 kg and left. She left me with no help during confinement. When I learnt that lesson and got a confinement lady the next round, she was upset because she felt I wasted her son's money. When I had the next child, I made sure DH didn't inform her anymore.
Heh heh.. CNY is coming. We'll spend 3 hours there and I'll be off. Less contact, less conflict. Afterall, I am the useless DIL. Let others who have no kids bond with her.
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