In-law problems?

[MMM]

Buds,


I am speechless. From your posting, can see that you are still very angry over something/ issues and that you feel that you’ve reached your ultimatum and you need to explode this time round.

No one knows your situation better than yourself as well as the next best step you should take.

But I hope that you will cool down and think about it rationally before doing anything drastic. It’s like the moment you start a "battle", there will be war and is that the outcome you want in the end?

I just had a conversation with my mum. She was complaining to me that my dad appeared to change. He has become defiant. My dad has been labelled as the hao hao xian sheng type and all along, he appeared to be the little sheep beside my mum. Due to his character, he is not the ambitious type who will bring "good life" for the family but he is definitely a good man. Due to that, my mum has been very sore about it for the last 38 years.

I am not trying to side my father but I told her my own observation. The way she speaks to my dad has been very bossy so maybe he has enough of it and turned defiant? My mum was like yah but we are family so don’t expect me to be very ke ke qi qi with him. I told her it’s not that but rather I am sure if I talk that way to my hubby everyday, he will be pissed with me too. Then she lamented that all their life, she was the one who helped him etc… what has he done,etc… I told her those are facts since years ago. He is in his mid 60’s, so what can be change now? There is no point bringing up the same issue to talk about it and why can’t she just accept the fact and move on. Iso looking back at past issues. I think it is not easy for her and it’s easy for me to say that.

But if we can’t change the fact, then we probably got to try to accept it and move on.

[tree nymph]

MMM,


I understand where you are coming from. But Bud’s situation is a little different. she has been the good DIL to his parents, good mother and lover to her hubby and their gals. But if her PIL does not appreciate it and try ways and means to drive them apart, she has to do something. And it didn;t help that her husband is indecisive and procrastinating!

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Buds, I don’t know what other comfort words to say to you. All I can give is a big warm hug and a little prayer.

[buds]

Dearest MMM, nice to hear a different perspective.


Rest assured i am not the least bit angry. What i
said in my first post today was recap… of what has
been said and done. I am calmer than i have been in
soooo many years. I may have exploded before during
the occasions where i was totally blindsided. However,
today typing that i am at peace.

It’s no longer just about the ILs now. Hubs has added
to the long standing issue. As for me being labelled as
pecking husband is totally untrue. This i got to stand up
for myself. I have been the sacrificial wife… giving up my
job so hubs can carve the career and climb the corporate
ladder without having to worry about how the children are
cared for. I’ve been a SAHM 7yrs now. Hubs has climbed his
ladder and achieved a good status in his company and also
well respected.

I am not the screaming at husband type. I’m the sarcastic
joker. I try to make light of things so there won’t be unnecessary
tension but jokers have bad days and on those days i reflect and
do not respond. Things happen for a reason sometimes ain’t it… i
am respectful of hubs just for the reason that he is my husband &
i try to be beyond my respectful self with his family. But his family
has taken advantage of this respect that i give and also given me
many many many problems emotional, spiritual and physical things
that can be seen. I cannot expect them to change but hell i did conform.
Even when i knew it would not necessarily make things better. Remember
being bullied and not responding in kind or firm enuf may make one appear
weak though they’re not.

It’s not a war i seek. It’s a peaceful amicable settlement where the
difference is this time after 10yrs, i want what i want and will strive
for it. To speak for myself. To stand up for myself. Both my girls have
also made their stand and spoken for themselves. I’m proud of my
girls and I now know i have done well as a mother.

As a wife, i have fulfilled beyond what i have ever imagined i was capable
of doing. Yes. No one can understand what i have endured being a loyal
and faithful wife for the last 10yrs.

I thank you once again for providing me with the avenue to once again
reflect on things and myself. I stand by my decision and let’s see how it
moves on from here.

I cannot keep giving chances and opportunities which do not bear any
significant result. Actions speak louder than words and all the many
empty promises.

[buds]

EN:

Buds, I don't know what other comfort words to say to you. All I can give is a big warm hug and a little prayer.

That prayer will go a long way, EN.

As they say the good and the bad comes from HIM
and it's how we make of it that counts.. :hugs:

Thanks, EN.

[MMM]

Hi Buds,


I believe your hub is also a KSP forumner and by reading your posting in this area. Unless he :siam: , he would know exactly how you feel about things.

Yes, the only thing we can do is to that you can find wisdom in whatever decision you will make. Good luck :hugs:

[auntieM]

Hi Buds,


:snuggles: ...

[hquek]

hey buds,


To all that insults etc that others heaped, to that I say please look at self first. A bit off topic, but what I want to say is, eg, I hear hubbies who complain wife don’t take care of self etc…but are their hubbies Mr Universe? Mr Richest Man in the World? pui pui pui.

You have done your part as a wife, a mother, a carer. Where pp would NEVER EVER think of living with ILs, you have been doing for so many years. For that, already I think you should have enough medals to adorn a wall.

Sorry, I dunno what to say or what to advise - but I hope you find your happiness near.

[autumnbronze]

Hey buds,


Listen to your gals and esp also to your inner voice.

Whatever your decision, if it will restore your peace of mind, balance of equilibrium and sanity ... then take the step and never look back.

As I have said this before, so shall I say it again:

Things ALWAYS have a way of working out ....

Take care, sista. All the best .... :hugs: :hugs:

[buds]

tree nymph:

....... indecisive and procrastinating!

This is truly one area where it reali matters.
You are spot on here, tree nymph. Again...
your quiet understanding means a lot to me.