All About Selective Mutism

[Chenonceau]

smurf:

Wah Chenonceau, you win Oredi lor! Haha.

No lah... not win lah... just trying to smoothen things a bit for my son and also encourage a nice teacher.

[alng]

Hi Chenonceau,


Thanks for the sharing. I totally agree with changing the environment instead the child and to give the child time to grow. I have been adopting the same strategy since my son started schooling at 2.5 years old. I have been patience but I am panic now as he is going P1 next year. I even think of quitting my job to homeschool him if he is not ready for school. I have an elder girl at P5 now but my boy is very different from his jie jie.

Please allow me to ask more questions and learn from you:

1. Is your son in a boys’ school or co-ed school?

2. In a co-ed school, it is common for girls to do better than boys. Does your son feel demoralised when he does not do so well in school? My son is going to a co-ed school and I hate to see that his little confidence being destroyed over and over again.

3. How does your son fare in oral? Is he prepared to talk during oral?

4. My son gives up easily. He wants to give up on his hanyupinyin and phonics classes recently without telling me the reason. After some observations, questioning him and talking to the teachers, my conclusion is that the classes are getting more and more difficult. So when I asked him gently if he wanted to quit due to the difficulty, he said yes. He is going to face difficult topics and topics he does not know when he goes to P1. I have been thinking what should I do to help him cope and build up his confidence. I am even thinking of teaching him in advance of the teachers.

Whether my child has problems or not, I feel that all parents should keep close communications with the teachers. Afterall, the responsibility to educate a child is shared between the parents and teachers.

Thanks very much!

[Chenonceau]

Confidence comes with success, exposure and familiarity. If you homeschool at P1, you may just postpone the problem and it'll get more difficult to resolve later. Do you think?


My son was exactly like yours in P1. He gave up easily, and was very shy. This was because I was negligent and failed to recognise the effects of sibling rivalry on him. Between his sister and him, there is a 7 year gap. He always lost to his sister as a baby and toddler. She ran faster, talked better, built nicer, jumped higher, ate faster. He gave up easily because he knew he could never win. Soon, he believed that when things get too difficult, it's no point.

I had to check the sibling rivalry and force family members to let him win at games and such... and then in school, I had to encourage a lot, cane a little, and generally push him towards experiences of success where he could tell himself \"Hey! It wasn't easy but I did it\". He is in P5 now and does not give up in the face of difficulty anymore because I have engineered his environment to give him some hard victories. Victories he had to woro for. Things he didn't believe he could do but with my encouragement, he persisted and did it.

See these links for my experiences with my children...
(1) http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/adapt-your-parenting-style-your-childs-growing-needs

(2) http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=326567#p326567

Hope it helps.

[alng]

Hi chenonceau, thanks very much for your sharing!

[pingsped]

Well, my take is shy kids have sensory processing difficulties or mild developmental issues. Possible causes are sheltered or sedentary lifestyles in early childhood (0-3yrs).


Most kids can outgrow shyness without occupational therapy. Some take abt 6 yrs without parent support; most will come out of their shells by their teens. I work with kids who are overly loud or quiet. I usually advise parents to enrol their kids in non-competitive sports or dance to help their kids get used to "high-arousal" states which makes shy kids "defensive".

Perhaps u can google the terms. Some of the recommended exercises will work for your kids too.

PM me if you want more info. I work with kids who have language and reading difficulties but a lot of them also have sensory processing issues which compound learning problems. Kids with selective mutism are very different from shy kids. There are some kids who fall in the gray areas.

[rivervalley]

Hi,


My girl is in P1 this year. We suspected since N2 that she was not behaving normally in school as her teachers reported she wouldn’t talk. But she is perfectly normal and very chatty at home. It is like she has 2 different personalities in and outside of home. Finally last year in K2 she was diagnosed with selective mutism by the psychologist at Institute of Mental Health. She has been seeing the psychologist for 9 months and there has been improvement during her last year of kindergarten. She progressed from being completely mute in school, then mouthing words (without sound), then whispering, and finally talking softly to teachers and a few friends in school. But still considered a very very shy kid by normal standards. The root cause of SM is extreme anxiety which we need to address and remove that anxiety. Early detection and intervention of SM is key.

Now my girl has moved on to primary school and she has to start from scratch in a new environment which is more initimidating than kindergarten. She is struggling a little so far, she did not manage to do her first Show-and-tell despite 4 attempts, which is completely understandable, as I believe even a normal kid would find Show-and-tell scary in front of 30 classmates. I believe she is also too afraid to buy food from the canteen vendors during recess, so I pack food for her. These are all areas I have to work with her to improve.

Hope to share with other mummies with similar experience especially in primary school. I realise primary school is very different from our time when we just sit and listen to teachers. These days kids have presentations, show-and-tell and group work which involves TALKING which pose a challenge to SM kids.

[smartmummy]

When my son was in kindergarten,he was very quite.he easily can cry.if his friend talking with him he will cry. Stil I remember, his T said she asked him softly, if she asked him in a rough tone he would cry.that time I was not aware of SM. He quite by nature and we also quite.I thought may be genetics, I didn’t worry much.

In p1, he was complaining other people like very noisy, all the kids talking like kindergarten kids.he is quite good academically so I didn’t worry about social moving in kindy. After joining P1 I realized that social moving very important as same as academically.one day he brought a paper that informed me to prepare show and tell,I just got shocked. I just prepared him and suspected hhow he will do cos he never tried infront of a small group. But he did well, he got full marks for his show and tell. One day in the hall T asked qns and he got a price from principal for answering an. The principal told to him that he raised his hand as much he can. My point is I talked to him a lot.explain in details.i always listen to him and wanted to know.why he did that. Then I explained why he can’t do something. As a SAHM I had lot of time. So I brought him out often. Visit library often. Read story books for him. He attended storytimes. When we out I took pictures. That time I learnt I need to be happy then only I can tolerate his misbehaviors. So I went out often with him. So it helped to me.

I just remember in k2 my son got active and a bold boy as a friend.They always play in the playground.I think my son learnt from him how to be more brave.

[smartmummy]

Now my dd in k2. When she started nursery, t suspect SM.cos when she entered into the room she just freezed.She didn’t attend playgroup.that time I was suffering by stress. So I didn’t talk or play with her.when I teach her so

Ethnic she said no it is ‘something else’. From baby to 3 years my mother took care of her.after 3 years my mother went back. So that also affected her.Some more we change house. After t suspect I read the cautions similar to us. So I worried.she likes to play outside and running. Very active child before join kindy. After joined in the playground she refused to play.I told to my family members and friends.I got some tips and ideas. She always played or went with her brother. Now is the first time she had to do alone by herself cannot follow brother. Mummy didn’t talk at all as mentioned above reasons.after that I brought her alone and let her to play in the playground. First she didn’t play just watch other kids play. Then she started to play in the playground. Then I tried to make friends for her. So after school her school kids played in the playground. First she refused. So I talked my friend there and she watching her classmates playing there. Then slowly she started to play in the playground, but alone then after one or two months she started to play with classmates. It’s took fourmonths in total.
That time t asked me remind her something she didn’t do at school. But it made worse. One of my friends advices me don’t do like that. Don’t mind her just let her freely. I brought her story times everyweeks. I read in a book make people to open up. Iread some story books there. T had no patience and panic. Luckily after four months she left the school.I asked the new t about my dd she said she is ok.after that we went for holiday in the June. Tried to visit different places. In k1, she always crying. T said that she didn’t initiate to do. Always said that’ I don’t know’. T said actually she knew. Now in k2, she said very easy. One of her friends don’t know how to do. Her friends help to her. In k1, her friends helped her.

[rivervalley]

Hi all,


I came across what I think is a good article on SM and the treatment approach.

http://www.asha.org/Publications/leader/2002/020924/020924ftr.htm

[yeo88]

I have been reading the thread and feeling a bit nervous as some of the symptoms appear familiar. My boy is 2.5 year old and he just started Nursery this year. Just talked to the teacher who mentioned that my son is very quiet in class and only talks to her. He does not talk to the other children. It also seems that there are days where he will refuse to talk and just observe the class.I was really surprised as he is very cheerful and talkative at home. Is 2.5 year too young to determine whether he has some anxiety issues? Any advice would be appreciated.


Chenonceau,
Thanks for sharing and telling us about your boy. My kids also have a very big age gap and I wonder whether this could be the reason of his behavior too. Although they love each other, he is very jealous of his sister and always wants to gain my attention at all times. Appreciate if you could share some of tips on how you manage to build his confidence. Thanks