Throwing Tantrum
-
Hi san76,
yup, alone taking care of 2 kids. usually I dun cook, only cook for them. but even when I'm cooking, he will be up to something, like disturb didi. sometimes, when I'm not lookin, he will push didi to the wall, or hit him. or use something to throw at him. I dunno why he hate him so much.no idea why. :?
I think i try harder next time. thanks mummies for your advice. :thankyou:
usually when the heat is high, i come to this forum and write how I feel.hahah. after that, it's back to yet another battle! -
smurf:
Dearest Smurf,Hi san76,
yup, alone taking care of 2 kids. usually I dun cook, only cook for them. but even when I'm cooking, he will be up to something, like disturb didi. sometimes, when I'm not lookin, he will push didi to the wall, or hit him. or use something to throw at him. I dunno why he hate him so much.no idea why. :?
I think i try harder next time. thanks mummies for your advice. :thankyou:
usually when the heat is high, i come to this forum and write how I feel.hahah. after that, it's back to yet another battle!
Hardwork!!!!! Very loving mom. I dont have time for my kid. I am always out-station for long time. Me more stress. Cant get to see my big baby( my son)!!!!
Good luck to you. :love:
Warmest regards
San76 -
Heyya smurf!
smurf:
Guess yesterday was yet another battle ground for you ya... :shock:usually when the heat is high, i come to this forum and write how I feel.hahah. after that, it's back to yet another battle!
Alamak, what happened? Remember all the rally of support everyone
here was giving you... all the encouragement to push you to stay
positive.. what happened, girl? Yesterday you were back again to the
negative streak...smurf:
Children in general know no malice. And the above notion of your child,I dunno why he hate him so much.no idea why. :?
i deem it as a vent of frustration and not so much hate. It is up to us to
nurture our children to the BEST of their potential. After reading your
earlier postings, i have realised that you have already had the negative
energy in you from the start...smurf:
Here you wrote, you used the hate word again - hate people shouting atSometimes, when I'm busy, and he is talking and expecting me to listen and when I didn't answer him, he will be like shouting at me which I HATE. I hate people shouting at me. so when I'm angry, I refuse to answer him, just keep quiet. He refuses to stop his behaviour, expecting me to answer. and this goes on for some time. from shouting, to throwing tantrum and stomping feet, and throwing/banging things. sometimes shout to the top of his voice.
you... Again, this is negative energy translated into words. Strong words...
In all honesty, all we have heard about him has been all his weaknesses
and all his shortcomings... All the things that he CANNOT DO... But smurf,
how about the things he CAN do? Can there be none... is he not capable
of any good actions throughout the day... everyday? :shock: You are his
mom. Please... will you share with us some of his strengths as well... We
can then focus on helping you to mould him (to be a good boy) from his
strengths, that you, his mom... will know. Cos he is your son.smurf:
I care for my kids on my own too, smurf. I cook. Most days for just usyup, alone taking care of 2 kids. usually I dun cook, only cook for them. but even when I'm cooking, he will be up to something, like disturb didi. sometimes, when I'm not lookin, he will push didi to the wall, or hit him. or use something to throw at him. advice.
4 and the children's menu is different from us adults, cos me and hubs
enjoy only spicy stuff... and on occasions, i cook for all under one roof
which is 7 of us (including IL's) 10 if including visiting BIL's family... I
do the housework myself too- mountains of it that never ends... But I
take the trouble to take the children out to play (helps them run off steam)
and also in charge of their education basics, what with all the materials
to make too! On top of it all, I had major IL issues from my second
confinement onwards... It's overwhelming! But, staying positive helps
keep one sane.
Having said all that, i do understand not everyone can do major multi-
tasking nor have the same level of tolerance - to nonsensical family
politics or crying bb's. But we cannot allow ourselves to submit to the
fact that we ARE going to have a bad day... everyday! Work small...
Start by analysing the normal routines. Work out the little stuff and from
the trial and error, you can observe what little works for the approaches
that you have taken. First you gotta believe that everyday is a new day.
And today is going to be different!
All it should take is these steps. (1)BE POSITIVE! (2)PERSEVERE (3)STAY
CONSISTENT! Having a wee bit more patience would be a bonus... Knowin
yours is always up to the neck and can get to the stage of breathlessness.
When i mentioned work it small...
On those occasions you said you KNEW he will be up to something...
mebbe you can start with that. For example, when you're cooking the
two bb's are left alone and you KNOW when you're not looking, he will
push didi to the wall or hit didi with something (etc)... why not you start
to change that routine first for a start. Prepare the major cooking prepa-
rations the night before or before the boys wake up in the morning...
When he goes to school, you cook. You feed the bb before korkor comes
back. When he comes back, you only need to heat up the food and con-
centrate on him finishing his food... have a chat - what did he do in school
that was interesting? What did he and his good friends talk about?
Anything funny or silly he can share? Bb has had you the whole morning,
so take some time to spend with the korkor as well.
On those occasions you mention...smurf:
Went to fetch him from the school bus, he was napping in the bus, and refused to alight. Need to pull him down and he will be stomping and shouting and throwing tantrum..
My children used to have their 40 winks in the bus too. For your boy to
have slept in the bus, he must've been tired out during the time in school.
For me, i solve the problem (when seeing them eyes shut so tight in the
bus) i just carry and bring her up to the house and transfer her to the bed.
Sometimes she is able to resume sleep on her bed until time for hungry
tummy to cue for lunch...
Or if your boy is awake and from inside the bus, he sees you carrying bb
(again!), a boy his age may not understand the needs of a baby... must
carry all the time... need mummy's attention all the time and so on...
He must be super jealous seeing bb getting all the attention from you.
Include him in the love that he thinks he's having less of, eversince bb
arrived into your lives... mebbe you can offer him a piggy-back ride and
if he is heavy, mebbe just until you reach the void deck... He can sense
you are making conscientious effort to draw him into you and that love
circle, he seems to always be out of.smurf:
Even when there is a war, the war will stop.. for example... SaddamWhy does some kids just like to throw tantrum? My elder boy just like to throw tantrum, and he can make a big fuss out of anything. and I mean anything...
Hussein found, ok... No nuclear weapons found, ok... War over. Likewise
for tantrums. There can be a stop to tantrums. Find out the root... the
cause of the tantrum. And i don't mean cos he wants sweets or cos he
wanna go kaikai and stuff... i mean the main reason... why he's doing
all this tantrums on a daily basis it seems now..
The fact that he smiles cheekily when you get frustrated, irritated or lose
your patience... is the fact that he is no longer moved by that emotion...
he no longer feels anguish from having to do time-out and stuff... he is
already used to that. His angst (to me) belies in his actions of seemingly
wanting to hurt bb (most of the time) which gets you all riled up. He has
made you lose control when the control was supposed to be yours. He
knows that if he does anything to the object of your affection (the bb),
he will definitely see a reaction in you. And that reaction for now is what
he enjoys, cos that is the time when he is the object of your attention...
You CAN do it, smurf.. I'm not giving up on you, girl. You gotta try even
harder. Remember, it all starts with postivity. Positive energy will exude
the calmness in you. (1)BE POSITIVE (2)PERSEVERE (with tantrums &
cries for now) (3)BE CONSISTENT (with your rules and your affection).
And this should apply for both. Yes, bb included!
Share with you this card we received... likewise for you, lucky you got
kaki like us here at KSP. We'll let you vent your frustrations here but,
YOU, go back to your babies all calm after the venting, ok dear...
smurfy jia you... smurfy jia you...
http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gx1jD040 -
[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/making-behaving-well-fun.]
MAKE BEHAVING WELL FUN!
There are many ways we can trick our children into behaving well,
without them realizing that this is our intention. If we can make
behaving well seem like fun this will create a positive atmosphere
anywhere you are. Here are some ideas usually carried out in good
pre-schools, but i find can be carried out in the home as well, for
parents with young children.
>Turn control tasks into a game.
Think about the way that you present tasks and activities to your children.
Use language that suggests fun and challenge reather than boredom and
hard work. For instance, you might want your child(ren) to lie down and
be still for story time at the end of the day. Instead of telling the children
the required behaviour in a dull way, introduce the task as a game called
\"Sleeping Lions\"... in which they must pretend to be lions who are fast
asleep. What happens when lions wake up? This activity can also be used
when there is a sleeping baby in the house. The baby is the \"lion\" in the
game.. we are the prey (smaller animals lions love to eat). When baby
wakes up, baby will create an uproar... (with the crying!)... and we sure
don't want that, cause it will mean less time spent together doing fun stuff.
>Enter the world of make believe.
Young children respond to make-believe and to the chance to use their
imaginations. The opportunity to be someone, something or somewhere
they are not. For example, if you want them to tidy up the room very
quietly, you might tell them to imagine that beneath the floor is a sleeping
giant, and that they are walking across his back and must not wake him
up.
>[For older children] Treat them as adults sometimes...
One very useful fiction is that children gradually become more adult and
grown up. For instance, you might ask the child(ren) to play the role of
Science professors while working on an experiment. Taking on the role
of an expert in this way encourages child(ren) to take responsiblity for
their work and behaviour. Interact with them as though they are adults,
expressing surprise at any silliness. ie. \"I can hardly believe you are
doing that Professor Benny, seeing as you're a world-reknowned
scientist!\" -
Hi Buds,
thanks for the encouraging words. appreciate it.
will try harder…i think he is very jealous of didi…super jealous… -
[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/managing-tantrums.]
Hi smurf,
i'm joining in the conversation late, hope you don't mind.
I'm also a homemaker and I work PT from home as well. I understand it's a stretch, and it can get tiring, and tantrums feel like the last straw that breaks the camel's back. But it's important to put this part of the household in order first. Once this falls into place, everything else will go more smoothly.
You have already identify one root cause - jealousy - and for this, I recommend a book, Siblings without Rivalry. One particular tip I liked from that book was the idea of Fairness. Fairness is not always giving equal amounts, and this is not always possible. Instead, give according to needs, and explain so. Another is to give attention to the party that has been \"hurt\", instead of the one who you think is in the wrong. So whenever my younger one cries over a scuffle with gor gor, I would immediately pick him up and ask him if he's ok first before I ask what happened (half the time the younger one is at fault). The upside of this is that now when my elder one cries (punished by dad or a fall etc), my younger son would immediately go over and ask him, \"Okay?\", and give him a hug.
It's worth spending time cultivating a good sibling relationship as this has lifelong impact. And once the relationship is good, you don't have to spend so much time looking over your shoulders. At the same time, have realistic expectations. All siblings will have squabbles, and learning how to resolve them is part of growing up and EQ training at home. Plus the younger one is usually tougher than you think.
I've been inspired by experienced mums to learn the art of calm discipline - listen to both sides, state the rules calmly, if punishment is required, carry it out impartially WITHOUT SHOUTING OR GLARING, after that, require the offending party to apologise to the party that has been hurt. For some people, saying sorry is difficult. If so, suggest other ways that are easier - give a hug, offer a toy, share a biscuit etc. If my 20 month old is the one at fault, I will also state firmly that he's wrong and he has to apologise (via sign language when younger) and kiss/stroke gor gor or I give him a biscuit to give to gor gor.
Fit in one-to-one time with him, an activity that he can always look forward to doing with you at a fixed time EVERYDAY. Find out his \"love language\" and the things he misses most since the arrival of your younger child - obviously his life has been impacted upon. To share with you, one day I was breastfeeding my younger son in a nursing room, my elder one came in and started stroking didi's fingers gently. Then he said softly, \"I wish I'm a baby again so I can get all that love.\" I realised that I've stopped carrying him ever since no.2 came along. After that day, I would ask him, \"Have I hug you yet today?\" and then give him a bear hug. I also make time to play board games or do art and craft with him everyday, and I read to him every night.
Another consideration is looking through BOTH your days to see if you're both getting enough rest and downtime. A tired person will always be more easily upset, whether adult or child. Don't overschedule the family. If his classes involves too much travelling, consider cutting back. My elder one can be quite intense and needs a lot of freeplay and downtime, though he doesn't necessarily sleep a lot. -
I remember one of the parents had a calender (bought from Daiso!) where the kid would draw in smiley faces for good/ bad days.
smurf - do you think having the calender concept would help? And to also tell your son that if he has 3 - 4 smiling faces for the week, he could pick a sweet or chocolate at the next supermarket trip? (I guess if you wana go more advanced, you could have different tiers e.g. 3 smiley face - $1, 5 smiley face - $2) then son would have understand better the value behind money etc. Change from purchase could be saved into piggy bank! I think the process of helping him with his choices would help him feel the ‘closeness’ etc
Jia You! -
Hi Esthertan,
yup yup. Tamarind was the one who has the calendar idea. hmm, I tried using a slightly different method, by using a smiley chart, give 1 sticker when good behaviour, but hor, doean't work. the boy praqctically ignore the chart!hahha
He is very forgetful, 1 minute tell him something, another minute, he forgets it.:(
Hi deminc,
hmm, I guess different methods work for different child bah.
thanks for your advice. -
Hi smuf,
my neighbour told me that should i have a 2nd bb and if the older one is jealous, try to acknowledge the situation in the older sibling, such as instead of saying "didi / mei mei, is sleeping be quiet and go to sleep too" you can try saying "you (using your boy’s name" are tired after all the playing / swimming / outing etc, try to take a rest and nap for 30 mins / 1 hour etc" … she told me it works on her girl when she was throwing tantrums when the younger girl came along.
as for the supermarket outings, maybe you can get your boy involved in the "marketing list" , let him choose 1 or 2 items that he can buy be it sweets or cookies or cornflakes etc and only limit him to these items, the rest of his "wants" can wait till another outing.
just a thought, hope it helps. -
having said that, i am facing a situation at home too, hope mummies & daddies can help me through this.
21 months DS started throwing bad tantrums these few days. He started to beat us (DH, myself and pil) and refused to say sorry (we do not expect him to understand what does sorry mean yet). Last night he beat me as i wanted to shower him and he refused. Later that night, he beat DH (i forgot due to what reason) and refused to say sorry or hug or kiss DH. DH resort to keeping his favorite toy and DS went on a crying spree and beat DH again and again. DH went on to keep more of his toys and he continue to cry and beat DH again. DS then tried to beat me twice but back out as i warned him sternly. For the rest of the night he was angry with DH.
We did not beat him throughout the episode (on the whole we do not beat him unless he did things that we deemed dangerous like touching switches or climbing too high ir putting sharp things into mouth etc or bullying pil etc) Both of us agree that we should not resort to beating or caning as we noticed that DS is not afraid of being beaten, he seemed to be the stubborn sort. Also, a few days ago i got really angry with something DS did (i forgot what was the incident_ and i beat him on his hands, arms and legs) and during one of the showers, he refused to leave the bathroom as he wanted to play with more water, when i stopped him, he beat me on my legs too, immediately i recalled that i had beaten him on the legs before and the video "children see children do" came to mind.
Then today, he refused to get into his car seat and threw up his arms and kick his legs and tried to beat me again, i scolded him and he calmed down. He had refused to get into his car seat before but he has never tried to beat me before so this is the first time.
In the morning, he beat me again ( i forgot why) and i pretended to cry and said it was painful. He came to me and touch me. I dont want to use this trick all the time as I want him to know it is wrong to beat others.
Also, he has been switching off the TV if he does not want us to watch it. I have not decided how to deal with this yet.
Sorry for the long post, would really appreciate for some advise. Thank you very much in advance.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login