Club SAHM

[metz]

sleepy:

slmkhoo:

If you had asked me then, I would have said I was the last person to want to be a SAHM. Not that I was very ambitious, but I did want a career and I've never really liked kids. But once I had a baby, I couldn't bear the thought of handing it over to someone else for hours a day, and thankfully, my husband preferred to entrust babycare to me than to someone else, even at the cost of my income. But I still don't see my whole future tied up in my kids and their kids!

My exact sentiments! :hi5:

Life is really unpredictable. At that time, it was just a dream, an impossible dream. But I guess I was never an academic or career-minded person. Otherwise, I would not have given up a fully sponsored PHD programme with a guaranteed career.

Being a SAHM is just part of my dream. That's why I included the part about working. My mom has been a SAHM all her life since her marriage. My father is a MCP and wouldn't agree to her working despite her wish. So, it is crucial that I have that freedom to choose. In fact, I am already considering various alternatives to utilise my mornings in a more $productive way.

[sleepy]

metz:

A JC friend posed me this question about my ambition when we were 18. My answer must have startled him, haha. Told him it was my dream to have a family with 2 kids and be a housewife. My husband must love me enough to allow me to make choices about working. So yes, I am really glad that I am living my dream now

I was big fan of 亦舒, started reading her novels since I was 11 years old. She influenced me greatly during my growing years. So I actually have this vivid image in my mind that I want to be the character commonly depicted in her books - An intelligent, well educated, witty, humourous, attractive yet 大女人主义 kind of career woman who excels in her area of expertise.
I even have an image of my apartment - must be 独居 because all the characters in her books are so independent.
When I was in secondary 3, I made it my goal to obtain a Masters degree because I have to be well educated in order to fit the image in her books.

Reality is of course very different. I am not indepedent at all and in fact quite 小女人 (although I'm 大女人 in my heart). I'm quite happy to being taken care of. Best is don't have to do anything, just idle. Really 没出息 I know

[metz]

sleepy:

metz:

A JC friend posed me this question about my ambition when we were 18. My answer must have startled him, haha. Told him it was my dream to have a family with 2 kids and be a housewife. My husband must love me enough to allow me to make choices about working. So yes, I am really glad that I am living my dream now

I was big fan of 亦舒, started reading her novels since I was 11 years old. She influenced me greatly during my growing years. So I actually have this vivid image in my mind that I want to be the character commonly depicted in her books - An intelligent, well educated, witty, humourous, attractive yet 大女人主义 kind of career woman who excels in her area of expertise.
I even have an image of my apartment - must be 独居 because all the characters in her books are so independent.
When I was in secondary 3, I made it my goal to obtain a Masters degree because I have to be well educated in order to fit the image in her books.

Wow, you can still remember when you started on romance stories! For moi, I can't remember when I started on romance storybooks but Sweet Valley High was definitely my first contact with BGR. I think I started on 亦舒 and the likes much latter.

sleepy:

Reality is of course very different. I am not indepedent at all and in fact quite 小女人 (although I'm 大女人 in my heart). I'm quite happy to being taken care of. Best is don't have to do anything, just idle. Really 没出息 I know

不是没出息， 是幸福的小女人啦! 不过不干点活儿，很容易发福喔。

[janet88]

I grew up reading Sweet Valley High and Nancy Drew books.


SAHMs are fortunate to have husbands who give us an option whether to work or not. When hubby and I were shopping for our first flat, we decided on a 4 room, so that if I choose to stay at home to be with the kids, he can finance our flat without having to top up cash.

[KSmom8]

DH didn’t really agree willingly when I became a SAHM the 2nd time round, when DS2 came along. We discussed about it. To me, there was no choice cos I didn’t want a maid to care for the baby and our parents had health issues. So when I resigned, he was still not prepared for it. It was supposed to be temporary but with time spent coaching DS1 n caring for DS2, the time flew and it’s been 5 years. DH has grown to accept my SAHM status, though he’d be happy if i return to work. When DS2 goes to primary school and I have more free time, I suspect I’d feel bored and would probably reconsider my options. However, I think it’ll be tough to return to the workforce, especially as part-timer.

[ammonite]

Best to discuss it beforehand. My husband met this guy who was still bitter that his wife "unilaterally" decided to quit her job when baby came along. She was making a bit more than him, but he was also making over 10k. The wife later tried to start a business but only broke even after many years and soon shut it down. Mind you, the kid was already 13 yrs old when this conversation took place! he was surprised that we had discussed it beforehand.

[buds]

ammonite:

The last time I felt upset and burnt out, I didn't talk much to anyone. I decided I am going to please myself because it is a thankless task trying to please the three of them. I just stopped trying to do everything, left the kids with dh when we went out and went shopping. Stopped rushing through my shower even if the sky is falling down. Stopped getting the kids ready while dh has his nice showers (instead I used it first).


I also bought skinny jeans, make up, flowers for the house, new duvet covers for the bed etc, whatever I fancied.

One day I was talking with dh (feeling better after damaging the bank), he suddenly blinked and said, \"Your eyes are so smoky I didn't hear what u r saying.\" I suddenly understood the old advertisement - make up is arsenal.

Everything else same with me, ammonite... from the slooooooowww showers and the leave-kids-with-hubs-while-i-shop... :evil: ... cept for smokey eyes, cos i'm not good with eye make-up. :oops:

[buds]

vinegar:

I don't nid their sympathy.But sometx,i hope my DH,mother or MIL could show some understandings,being sahm is not easy le.

The way I see the above somehow kinda works leh, vinegar.. They can't show some understanding and you don't need their sympathy.. so quite win-win, right? Something like no one bothers anybody liddat. :idea:

Being SAHM is not easy. Likewise not easy to be FTWM or PTWM either. :hugs: Being a wife means we have someone else to think about (vice versa) and being a mom means yet another extra (or extras depending on how many children you have) to think about as well.. including physical care, emotional well-being and the what have you nots. But everyone should have a basic happiness index.

vinegar:

Everyday is like a race for me.After they go school,i've to start prepare lunch n dinner(washing vege,etc),do hsework,etc.Then do marketing,unload n load the groceries,prepare meals.Rush to pick kiddo fr. school,wash soaks,serve lunch,chg clothes,send tuition/cca,etc.

I recall reading from another thread where you have shared that you had a friend who mentioned you can be successful sahm-ing if you can manage your time better or something. Personally, i have to agree with your friend. She is right.

There's only 24hrs in a day. Your time is what you make of it.

I bf two boys (Read : intermittent sleep EVERYDAY) and after my girls are off to school, I can go back to sleep. :xedfingers: If they don't wake up again that is. Sometimes it's hubs... who uhmmm... keeps me awake... :roll: He says mornings are nice for :censored:.. :faint:

If I have not already swept or vacuumed and mopped the floors the night before, I will do it first thing i wake up so the boys can have clean floors to crawl and play on. Especially with dragon_boi who is at the stage where he is sensitive to tiny things on the floor and experimenting with his fine motor skills, it can be a :shock: to suddenly not hear him playing or gurgling his baby sounds and find him chewing on something. :faint:

Likewise for laundry, if settled night before then following day senang liao. If not settled then before sweeping and mopping, just hang up the laundry first.

Today, the babies woke up fairly early... Early to me is anytime before OKTO channel officially starts (9am). So, instead of being moody since my new dream was just about to start... i brought the boys for a jog/walk for a short while plus some playground time and after airing our bodies... showered the boys up and got us all ready to head out to the mall for kai-kai. I felt good after the morning exercise so i dressed up a wee bit plus make up.

We headed to a cafe for sandwiches and tutti-frutti waffles with ice-cream while waiting for Mothercare to open and the rest of the stores as well. We were one of the first few customers around. Food served fresh and pretty quickly since there was no waiting time.

We shopped for a bit to get their baby stuff and a couple of new clothes then headed to the toy store for awhile. Next was to get some stationery for dd followed by a quick dash to the supermarket. A friend shared a simple no-mess recipe ideal for quick fixes so i bought the ingredients i didn't have at home and by then the kiddies were already dozing in the buggy... air-con.. full tums.. moving buggy = shiok to sleep.

I had time to browse at some bags (which i don't need at this moment) just to update myself of the latest designs and pick up a lipstick plus a blusher. On our way back i bought iced chocolate and took the train home after like 3hrs out with the boys. As i walked, i prepped the stuff i was going to do at home in my mind.

The boys continued to sleep once we reached home and i quickly prepared the butter rice i was going to cook for lunch today. Chubs woke up with a short cry and i quickly carried him out of the room and played with his chef toys - chopping board with wooden knife and fruits/veg, did a couple of Montessori work, read a few books he requested and sat with him playing trains after which i told him i needed to cook lunch for his sisters and promised to come back after i pop the fish into the oven. Yup, i managed to marinate the fish before i played with him. So it's just to pop it into the oven. I chose fillet fish today since after a whole morning out i was not interested to battle with fishy stuff to do in the kitchen and not to mention the cleaning up after.. :roll:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=966043#p966043

While the fish baked, chubs and i talked for a bit while re-watching our videos at the beach while i fed him the rice that was already cooked.. After his early lunch (usually we eat together with the girls after they return home from school) when he asked to be bf-ed... i did and he went back to sleep again.

So here i am in front of the pc surfing KSP. My iPhone is dead and no :moneyflies: to get a new one yet, so use spare phone for calls and sms-es till then. I don't like to sit long on the chair cos i have back ache but no choice since all surfing from now on have to be on the iMac.

vinegar:

told DH the most i've 15mins break n hv a cup of coffee/tea at Ya Kun.

I have successfully brought out many sahm friends out from their pigeon holes to have lunch, tea or even just ice-cream with me (with or without the kiddies)... If we want time for ourselves, then make effort to make time... work around things and routine.

The other thing i am :frustrated: with is also with sahm friends who complain got no social life but when comes to getting them out of the house their reason is.. lazy. :skeptical:

Review your daily chores and or weekly chores at a stretch. See where you have spent a lot of time on and work on that first. Or see if you can plan menus in advance, not too many heavy cooking on back to back days for example.

All my four children are napping now.. dried laundry all folded.. amd the curry on my stove is almost fully cooked for tonight's dinner. I managed to set aside some fun stuff for revision later with the girls. Hopefully like most days, they have managed to get all or most of their homework done in school.

Looking forward to the evening for some tv and cuddling time with my family today.. :love:

You can do it, vinegar. Stay positive. :please:

[SAHM Chew]

KSmom8:

DH didn't really agree willingly when I became a SAHM the 2nd time round, when DS2 came along. We discussed about it. To me, there was no choice cos I didn't want a maid to care for the baby and our parents had health issues. So when I resigned, he was still not prepared for it. It was supposed to be temporary but with time spent coaching DS1 n caring for DS2, the time flew and it's been 5 years. DH has grown to accept my SAHM status, though he'd be happy if i return to work. When DS2 goes to primary school and I have more free time, I suspect I'd feel bored and would probably reconsider my options. However, I think it'll be tough to return to the workforce, especially as part-timer.

I become a SAHM at the end of 2009 to prepare my DS1 for pri sch in 2010. Hubby supported my decision in becoming SAHM as he knew that DS1 was weak academically.

Hubby do not mind if I return to the work force, but I am the one who is nervous about it. Since I have left the work force for 3yrs +, was wondering what can I do. And back in my mind, if the family do not need my salary to survive, ( just spend less, since we have survive on 1 income for the past 3 yrs), I should just stay at home and focus on coaching my kids. :rotflmao:

[sleepy]

bud, you seems to thrive even more when you're busy :boogie:


Me, on the other hand, only get overwhelmed if I have too many things on my plate :faint:

Like this morning, I went gym for a quick 30 mins kickboxing, cycle a little then go bank follow by ntuc to quickly grab a few items. Come home cook lunch speedily because dd2 happens to be coming home on time today. Then rush out to fetch her. Come home with her, finally got chance to drink my morning coffee although it's already in the afternoon. Sort out my stack of mails and then went out to fetch dd1 again. This kind of schedule once a week is still alright but I cannot do it everyday.

I don't enjoy keeping to a tight or fixed schedule. I prefer to be 优哉游哉 and spontaneous le