Club SAHM

[ngl2010]

janet_lee88:

SAHM Chew:

Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

My darkest moment was when I had depression. Hubby retrenched then, he joined one stat board in the East. Worked till 10pm everyday...sat and sun, sales rep called whole day. He was unreachable.

Depression hit me badly...hubby thinks I was faking to get attention. Told me to snap out of it. Though I wasn't suicidal, I cried all day...mornings were the worst bcos I just couldn't start the day. I hid in the room and refused to see anyone.
Saw psychiatrist. She started me on antidepressant. It took me LONG 2 months before I started to feel better. She also counseled hubby that depression isn't a snap-and-get out of it thing. I was concerned with costs of medication and wanted to avoid but could not...knowing the pay then was lower.

If you get referral letter from polyclinic, you can see a psychiatrist at IMH or IMH branches at Queenstown or Geylang at a subsidized rate. My relative paid $64 for 4 months of anti-depressant, which I think very reasonable.

[janet88]

I still remember that case…the man was working in LtA. He was very stressed and asked to be taken off some projects but his superior ignored him. He committed suicide after killing his son. Wife was badly hit.

Also know of this man who held senior position in MNC…literally worked to his death. So what? Management still doesn’t care about employees…no change. Reminds me of Foxconn.

Always remind hubby…he is replaceable in the office…but not at home.

[janet88]

Knowing the expensive psychiatrist fees cost even in hospitals, I saw doctor at polyclinic. Was referred to this very patient doc at AH…under subsidized rate. Though my anxiety is controlled, it can still go haywire sometimes. Unfortunately, I am allergic to the generic medication.

[SAHM Chew]

TheAnswer:

SAHM Chew:

Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Why does he need to quit immediately? Can you talk him out of it?

It is not immediately. It had been an issue for the past 6 Mths, n he could not take it anymore, despite working for the same boss for over 10yrs. The problems arises a year ago, n he could not tolerate the boss, morale is very low, staffs morales are low too.

[SAHM Chew]

ngl2010:

SAHM Chew:

Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.

[SAHM Chew]

ammonite:

Good point. SIL is teacher. One of her students' father was found in the river. Officially it was misadventure, but another colleague who knew the father said he had depression.


SAHM Chew,
I have seen relatives family going through financial difficulties, from very rich to bankruptcy, family abandoned by father/husband, husband lose respectable in and go to prison, dying child.

The worst, the absolute worst, is having to nurse a dying child. Money can be earned back, broken families can heal, prison can come out and start again. Dying child is a forever pain.

The best is to provide your husband with a listening ear, tell him The family can make adjustments and pull through together. Your sons may surprise you with their grit and tenacity and whatever happens now, may be the event that turned them into strong men in future.

Look through your finances and see how long they can last. Then you can have a better idea how to move forward.

I am trying to be supportive, but deep down, I know that savings tap into are unable to save back. Since he is highly paid, when he quit and even if he manage to get another job, the new pay will be much lesser and may not even covered our daily expenses. Even if it does, there is no way we can save back what we have used.
I did look through our finances and I do know how long they can last. But I am more worried if the finances run out before he can find a job.

[ngl2010]

SAHM Chew:

ngl2010:

[quote=\"SAHM Chew\"]Ladies, what is your darkest moment as a SAHM?


I am facing my darkest moment now. My DH had decided to quit his high paying job and soon we will be unemployed with 3 young boys. And high expenses to maintain.

No new job at the moment and we have to tap into our savings.

Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.[/quote]If the boss knows, what can the boss do? Your husband had made up his mind, right? If the boss wants to fire him, at least your husband will get 1 month salary as compensation, right?

[metz]

Hi SAHM Chew,


Is it possible for your husband to hang on a little longer while you assess how you can help in the interim?

My hubby might be facing a career change in 2+ years’ time, which will lead to a drastic change in our monthly financial situation too. It’s a change that he has been holding off for the longest time. So, when the time comes, we’ll have to bit the bullet. But in the meantime, I am also actively keeping a lookout for future possibilities that will help supplement income.

If my memory serves me well, you were a former teacher, right? How about giving group lessons to help tide over the financial situation for the time being?

[sleepy]

ngl2010:

SAHM Chew:

[quote=\"ngl2010\"]
Can he find a job first before he quit? I know of somebody that quit his high paying job and could not find job until now. Already more than 6 months. He is above 40 so it is difficult to find a job although he is willing to receive lower salary.

My hb is 41 too. But as his industry is very small, and he is in a high position, a rank lower than his boss, I am also worried that he over qualified for most of the other jobs. But he complain that if he do not quit, he will not be able to look for a new job as news will travel to his boss.

If the boss knows, what can the boss do? Your husband had made up his mind, right? If the boss wants to fire him, at least your husband will get 1 month salary as compensation, right?[/quote]

Maybe he is worried existing boss will sabotage his attempt to look for new job if news travelled back to his boss? And make things more difficult for himwhile he's still on lookout?

Actually if boss is so mean can still sabo after he quit without job. for senior position , hirer typically will ask for reference from previous employer

[ammonite]

SAHM Chew:

ammonite:

Good point. SIL is teacher. One of her students' father was found in the river. Officially it was misadventure, but another colleague who knew the father said he had depression.


SAHM Chew,
I have seen relatives family going through financial difficulties, from very rich to bankruptcy, family abandoned by father/husband, husband lose respectable in and go to prison, dying child.

The worst, the absolute worst, is having to nurse a dying child. Money can be earned back, broken families can heal, prison can come out and start again. Dying child is a forever pain.

The best is to provide your husband with a listening ear, tell him The family can make adjustments and pull through together. Your sons may surprise you with their grit and tenacity and whatever happens now, may be the event that turned them into strong men in future.

Look through your finances and see how long they can last. Then you can have a better idea how to move forward.

I am trying to be supportive, but deep down, I know that savings tap into are unable to save back. Since he is highly paid, when he quit and even if he manage to get another job, the new pay will be much lesser and may not even covered our daily expenses. Even if it does, there is no way we can save back what we have used.
I did look through our finances and I do know how long they can last. But I am more worried if the finances run out before he can find a job.

No way to cut back on expenses? Or change field? I know a guy out of job for three years, also over forty and over qualified. But track record also not very good. If your hubby has a good track record, his chances could be quite good.