Move in with MIL?
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Please take note that if you are going to hire a maid sometime down the road, you may encounter difficulties in your recruitment because they do not wish to work for families with old people. My ex-maid renegaded on her word to extend her contract till year end and left in August and I had difficulty in finding a replacement. DD’s PSLE was in September and I was spending time on housework every evening after work instead of supervising her and DS who is also in his streaming year.
There may also be clashes in terms of the lifestyle and habits. I only allow kids to watch documentaries and financial news but the old folks generally watch TV serials, some of which have no value add or worse, value reduction. -
Stay next door to her anytime better than under same roof.
You need the freedom and own space to stay sane…if there are arguments, you have a place to escape…ok, we all have our own ways of doing things even like hanging laundry, by having your own flat, you can do things your way. Most importantly, do not sandwich hubby. -
janet_lee88:
good advice !Stay next door to her anytime better than under same roof.
You need the freedom and own space to stay sane...if there are arguments, you have a place to escape...ok, we all have our own ways of doing things even like hanging laundry, by having your own flat, you can do things your way. Most importantly, do not sandwich hubby.
you also need your own privacy - and stand firm in your own conviction of how you want to raise your kids (esp. if MIL method of bringing up kids is different from your own parenting style). Your MIL can tell you that well, this is how she had raised her son - ie. yr husband, and you chose to marry her son. So what's wrong with her parenting style ? Hard to see eye to eye
If is MIL house, she can tell you during quarrel (when things turn ugly) that - this is her house, not your house. -
I do have the same concern as Jedamum and Mawar. mil was a little depress when we moved out 3yrs back. but i got preg in the 1st month at my new place, so she sees it as a blessing in disguise. On and off i kind of pity her living all by herself. especially when she have a short circuit or spoilt phone and she dont know what to do abt it and no one else at hm to help her.
so now i have my dd, my dh and my mil hoping for us to move in. and im like the bad guy preventing the family reunite. but of course dh is not putting any pressure on me. in fact he didnt mention it all since our last discussion.
of course it will be good if we can buy another place near my mil place. but me and hb wanted to get a place some time in future which is near to a good school. sad to say, mil neighbour has no primary school of our liking.
i rmb during my stay with her, i felt so foreign that i dont wash my clothes at her place. i will change, shower and prepare for work at my parent’s place. lucky for me my parents place is very near my mil. im like a traveller then. weird right. but we never have any major issue, we just keep to ourselves, kind of talk through dh. but somehow over the years she seem to be quite afraid of me. perhaps she’s worried that i will prevent her son and granddaughter to visit her? -
at least, your MIL is … afraid of you.
in contrast, there are some MIL like … tiger. -
Sounds like your mil can be quite dependent at times, but most elderly are like that, as age catching up, wanting more companion by her family esp her children. We all may be one day. But it sure doesnt sound pleasant if shes scared of her son at the same time (maybe) afraid of you.
I worried that under such situation, in order to have companionship she may give in (may not be always because no one will) on a general basis and i fear she may be even more depress in the long run. Imagine, everyone happy happy moved in to her place, she thought finally everyone’s "home". But if one day you guys found an ideal pri sch and say byebye to her - depression~
Unless you guys will be inviting her to the new place in the future, then yes, move in to her place now and starts to get use to each other’s habit and learn to live together as a family.
Else, moving real close to her is really better than moving in and then leave.
Just my 2 cents worth.
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My case is such…can bully, will bully…or else 乖乖listen to fierce DIL.
If move in and then unhappy desperately need to get out, things would be very unpleasant. Avoid that situation.
同住难. I admit I am fussy…so if I have to stay with his parents, I will go crazy. She will still think she is the boss in my house. -
I confirmed couldn't survive in the same household as my MIL. We have very different ways of running things in the house. Furthermore, I've a clear idea how I would like to raise my children, which rules and guidelines that they must adhered to. So clashes will be unavoidable because my MIL likes to impose her views on her grandchildren too. Yes, we're similar in that sense.
So who will be the boss? Definitely my MIL.
Yet, if I have all my rules and guideline being overwritten, I told my hubby I will have no choice but to kickbox him in order to retain my sanity :evil:
So there, mission impossible!
MIL is living alone. If needs arise in future, I told hubby he can move in with his mum to take care of her. It's really for hubby's own good if he doesn't want to get beaten up :rotflmao: -
sleepy:
Same here...children need rules. Like this holiday, I get them to do work (English, Chinese or math for younger one) in the morning before we go out...even if they play computer later part of the day.I confirmed couldn't survive in the same household as my MIL. We have very different ways of running things in the house. Furthermore, I've a clear idea how I would like to raise my children, which rules and guidelines that they must adhered to. So clashes will be unavoidable because my MIL likes to impose her views on her grandchildren too. Yes, we're similar in that sense.
So who will be the boss? Definitely my MIL.
Yet, if I have all my rules and guideline being overwritten, I told my hubby I will have no choice but to kickbox him in order to retain my sanity :evil:
So there, mission impossible!
I control children's intake of soft drinks, fried food or fast food...there is no nutrition...but since holiday, I let go a little. With HER, all hell with break loose bcos she doesn't believe in drinking water but Pepsi. Then all meals are eaten outside. Daughter told me she smells like cigarette. -
I stayed with my in-laws since our wedding 3 years ago. Waiting for our BTO flat to be ready and I tell you I can’t wait to move out.
Staying together before we had a baby was ok and peaceful. But after we had a baby, it’s difficult to see eye to eye on how to raise the baby. Often I complain to my husband but he gets sick of me complaining about his mother.
To me, it’s better not to stay with parents, no matter whose side, once you have children, conflicts are bound to surface.
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