All About Bullying

[melodyrain2]

When DS was in K2, he has this good friend (I hear his name frequently and they play together after school sometimes since we are in the same neighbourhood) that tells him not to friend with so-and-so and so-and-so. This boy also has other behaviour that I feel is undesirable and that he is manipulating DS.


I told my DS that HE decides who he wants to friend with. If he follows this boy’s orders, he keeps one friend but will lose the other friends slowly because today this boy may tell him he cannot friend with A and maybe tomorrow cannot be friend with B. Is that what he (DS) wants? If he doesn’t follow this boy’s orders, he may lose a friend but he will get to keep the rest. I also told him, he goes school to make friends not enemies. DS is worried if he doesn’t follow, this boy will ask their other friends not to friend him. I told him not every children will listen to this boy.

I also told DS the next time this boy ask him not to friend so-and-so, just tell him "No". If the boy is ok, then they can continue as friends. If the boy is angry, it is ok to lose such a friend.

DS is in primary school now and he still remembers no one can decide his friends for him.

[snowbell]

This girl has kicked my girl yesterday. I told DD if this girl wants to hurt her again, report to the teacher immediately or run to the general office to inform the staff.

[melodyrain2]

Keep a record of the acts and dates. If things don’t change, show the teacher the record and let her know that she needs to do something. We don’t want a little gal to think it is right for others to kick her or bully her.

[12mum]

Each time such bullying act happens, just email the teacher. Verbal is not good enough. The email can be just to let the teacher know and not about asking for punishment.


I know after the third or fourth email, the teacher will probably treat it as just another complaint by an overly kiasuparent parent. but still have to send cos if don’t send, anything serious happens, teacher will say why never tell us?

This "why never tell us" is such a good excuse to throw the ball back to the parents when accidents happen.

[ammonite]

snowbell:

Ammonite, Thank you for your advice. I have told my girl that real friends doesn't treat her like dirt and will not hurt her. I have asked her to play with other friends. But she told me this girl has set a friend's rule. Whoever wants to play with my girl has to seek her permission. Only if she agrees, then they can play together. I'm getting my girl to ignore this friend's rule and go ahead to make friends. She doesn't need permission from anyone to be friends with others. I told her if this girl turns violence again, to report to us or teachers immediately.


I am also starting to track all the complaints my girl feedback on this girl. Hopfully with teacher's involvement, the bullying act can stop soon.

snowbell,
you are right. This is a very unhealthy relationship. School is one factor, shaping your daughter's standard is another.

I do suggest requesting the teacher to seat them separately so that the girl has less control over your dd. You can also talk to her about friendship. You can use the analogy of two plants, one blocking out the sunlight of another, and explain that friends allow each other to grow. There are also books in the children section of the library that talks about various issues, including friendship and bullying.

Your daughter is likely not confrontational, so it may be helpful to brainstorm with her on how to move away diplomatically. You can also name specific children who you think will make better friends and encourage her to spend more time with them. As other kids get to know your daughter, some will also call out on bullying behaviour and help curtail the influence.

good luck!

[zbear]

snowbell, I read abt what your girl is going through n I feel that you shld take action now n not wait anymore. The bully is getting out of control.


Go n see FT n put the message across that you are taking this very seriously n bullying has to stop. If you delay further, it will cause yr dd to be more traumised n the long term effects are very adverse towards your dd.

[snowbell]

Thank you for all your advices. I have feedback to the form teacher. Form teacher said she will get back to me on this.


The girl’s mother replied me claiming that her daughter accidentally kicked my girl.

I am leaving to the form teacher to investigate since this is not the first incident. In the meantime, I have requested the form teacher to monitor them.

[sembgal]

snowbell:

Thank you for all your advices. I have feedback to the form teacher. Form teacher said she will get back to me on this.


The girl's mother replied me claiming that her daughter accidentally kicked my girl.

I am leaving to the form teacher to investigate since this is not the first incident. In the meantime, I have requested the form teacher to monitor them.

All mothers will protect their own children. By highlighting the issue to the form teacher will alert her and let the bully knows that the teacher is watching over her actions now. Usually children who go to school and be bullies are lacking of parental attention and they need to seek attention from other sources. Parents are spending time ferrying their children to enrichment and not using time to have quality heart to heart talk with children. Mature thoughts and behaviour come from attention spent on children by parents.

[custard8010]

Hmm sometimes bullying can even start young from preschoolers… and at that impressionable age its quite worrying… especially if its in school and parents cant be there to supervise

[sembgal]

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum ... =1&t=82344