Club FTWM

[vinegar]

Voice out ur opinion,give him some time to digest. He might not agree at the first place, but it’s ok, like what Insider said, we nid to agree to disagree.


When we voice out our opinion, we muz also make it that he owns the decision.

Normally,when i raise up my opinion to dh, i’ll let him know it is fine he goes ahead to make his own decision.But i’ll keep highlight to him the pros n cons,the impacts,consequences that he nid to responsible.

[Imami]

The answer,


Let me share my experience with you. When my husband first told me he wanted a career change, it was two months before our wedding. He told me he was tired of his job and thought of switching to a totally different field. I listened to him and when he was done, I told him go ahead and tender his resignation on Monday (that was a weekend when he told me). And he really tendered on Monday.

My husband is a quiet man. For him to voice out his grievances like that, was a big thing for me. Actually I was not entirely listening when he talked, I was more determining my next move. We were getting married soon. The wedding dinner would cost. The new home would need new furniture and that would cost. The honeymoon would cost. We bought our first flat years ago before the wedding plans so much of our savings were poured into the flat. The honeymoon would cost too. I reckoned I didn’t have much bandwidth to pay for everything (I was earning more than him back then) but I still tell him to tender. For this quiet man, it speaks volume when he says he is unhappy.

I don’t have much confidence in paying for everything, my honeymoon alone would cost $12k. Did some quick calculation and reckon I need some form of financial aid. I applied for about 6 credit cards and put many big ticket items on Installments. Liquidated some of my investments and requested for cash wedding gifts. My (bro’s wife) was concerned about us and told me to go to her shd I need money. Hubby’s sis and bil were shocked by his move but said nothing.

It was a bold move but I didn’t regret it. He got a job (in the field he wanted) three days before our wedding day and would start work 1 week after our honeymoon. But We took close to a year to pay off everything.

He was in this new job for close to 14months. The pay was low and the boss sucks but he said he was learning a lot. Ok fine, he happy I happy. The turning point came when I was pregnant. The morning peak hour train ride was horrible so he bought a car for us (baby and me). I was just almost finishing the honeymoon installment and then came this downpayment for the car.

While I was doing very well in my job, I was still worried becos the global economy was not doing well. He said we should get a car. Fine, I went cracking my head over the downpayment of $30k. We pulled thru the car downpayment.

Just when I was into the last term of my pregnancy, he said he wanted to resign again. This time he cited pay was the issue - he couldn’t afford to support me and baby with his current pay. He said he was going back to his old field but with a twist. He used to be a IT project manager before the career switch. During his short stint in the new career field, he learnt much and was able to think about his next move. Again, he tendered with my blessing and went without a job for a while. He found a new job when my baby was born and there was no turning back. Fast forward To this day, he was earning multiples of what he used to draw (both in his old field and after career switch) and was highly established in the industry.

Looking back, I wonder if I was truly wise and brave for letting him do what he wanted. But it certainly paid off. I am not asking u to follow my footsteps though. Based on what you hv shared, I would not agree if I were u.

[Kissgurami]

Dekora:

Yes, it is definately terrible juggling work with family and without support. Now need to manage the depressed emotions on a Sunday after spending meaningful times with our family and going back to work tml.

Does any of your superiors hinted at although u have family commitments they would still expect u to put in the effort to move up the corporate ladder?

yes, and I took it. I kept holding back as I was worried it will take over my time but at the same time I can sense being consumed that I don't have the empowerment which I would like to have.

the only thing which gets sacrificed is sleep. sometimes I run on 4 - 5 hours sleep daily and grab naps here and there.

Can make my life a little simpler by getting a maid/helper but I dislike having to share my space with a stranger and feel that my kids and I are blessed with healthy bodies so we can learn to manage our time and do the housework as a family. Kind of bonds us together. I dont have cleanliness OCD issues so that helps :siam:

maybe I am overly optimistic but I just see it as play hard over weekends and work hard over weekdays. DDs are in BASC so after school i just focus on them until my work call kicks in around 8pm onwards and it is also their bed time.

I work weekends, can't help it. DDs know it and I explain to them that food nor the stuff they wants do not come free. Someone has to earn it, there are trade offs but ultimately, it also gives me the off days which I want so I can take them whenever DDs have their school holidays.

[TheAnswer]

Thanks for all the advice. I will ponder over it. :thankyou: Ammonite, Vinegar, Sembgal and Imami.

[sembgal]

I on the other hand is so stressed up being a FTWM. Tomorrow is my dd’s spelling and I only just remembered it during dinner time. See how busy FTWM is. Getting my child to learn is easy. I just wonder if I quit my job and spend more time with dd, will it be for her benefit more than my benefit of having money to spend on enrichments and toys?

[Kissgurami]

sembgal:

I on the other hand is so stressed up being a FTWM. Tomorrow is my dd's spelling and I only just remembered it during dinner time. See how busy FTWM is. Getting my child to learn is easy. I just wonder if I quit my job and spend more time with dd, will it be for her benefit more than my benefit of having money to spend on enrichments and toys?

hahahaha :hi5:

You can set a time table for your DD, like do it on a white board and flower it. Have her practice her spelling every 2 days and come to you to give her spelling. Keep stickers and it will help ease spelling load off you.

[Dekora]

I’m also getting overwhelmed by work and family-and it doesn’t help with superiors hinting that the I should be keeping up with my work quality as well. Sometimes, we keep rushing around- at work and at home, we become very reactive and can’t keep cool. And the one that rcvd this end is my poor husband. I can’t wait for the next public holiday already!

[vinegar]

Dekora:

I'm also getting overwhelmed by work and family-and it doesn't help with superiors hinting that the I should be keeping up with my work quality as well. Sometimes, we keep rushing around- at work and at home, we become very reactive and can't keep cool. And the one that rcvd this end is my poor husband. I can't wait for the next public holiday already!

i am SAHM, no nid to work.But daily rushing,buy ingredients,ferry kiddo,hsework,coaching the kiddo,oredi very tired.

Lucky my dh is very understanding.He helps to ferry the kiddo during lunch time if he could afford the time.So i could stay at home to do hsework n cooking.
My ds has very short attn span,very difficult to get him to concentrate...esp when teaching him Science,whereby i try hard to get him to understand n memorize the key phrases.

[TheAnswer]

Any FTWM ever consider working flexible hours?

[Imami]

TheAnswer:

Any FTWM ever consider working flexible hours?

Ever.... I have a colleague who is doing work in office in the morning and from home in the afternoon. Heard that her reason is her son (specifics I donno). Her work load was not lessened and her pay was not reduced. While it seems to work in her favor, she said it's eating her up.

Another one converted to part time work. Pay is part time pay, benefits also become part time. But hor, funny - the job is still the same. Imagine her mad rush.

I am also thinking of converting to 50% work from home. But no Valide reason at the moment.