Middle Child
-
Funz:
So my point is most parent will not intentionally and blatantly give less attention to one child or another but it will still happen. And what is more important is how things are perceived by the child, not, whether or not that is the intention of the adult.
Agree with you, Funz. As a middle-child ourselves, we learn to live with it, watching the world revolving around us (by-passing I mean, hee....hee...). I am grateful to my mother for being very conscious about it, that neither one of us would feel that she is being unfair. She would take pains to explain the rationale behind and make sure we understand her action so that none of us would feel bad about it. For eg. in my teens, she would cook chicken soup for me after my period and my elder brother felt she was being unfairly good to me. He thought my mother preferred me because I was much better in studies. But she took pains to explain to my brother that the soup is only for women and he cannot eat, not that she is slighting him. So he understood and did not hold the grudge inside him.
As for me, in order not to have the middle-child syndrome, I am prepared to stop at two, although I much wanted to have 3 kids! -
Does it mean when you have four kids, the middle two will be prone to middle child syndrome?
As I thought about this MCS thing, it is not whether spending equal time with all children that will contribute to it. But children can sense favoritism. Am I right to say that?
Then of course a catalyst to cause MCS might also be order of gender in the home. -
I think its depend on their nature.My nephew,he is in the middle,he likes to organise and cleaning the house.They all are boys.Other two doesn’t like to do.My sister knows he is pity but get help from them is very difficult.Do u know my sis likes his middle son very much.He is not a trouble maker.First one is the trouble maker.
In my own family,My elder sister is very patient and do everything at home.Second one very demanding and third one is pity. -
I'd like to share that I do find that my ds2 does have middle child syndrome. As much as we tried to juggle around, I guess he still feels left out at times. I find that he's trying hard to please and if I give him my full attention, he's very well behaved but when I'm busy attending to the other 2, he'll try to get attention by misbehaving.
It's tough but I guess I'm still juggling.
-
good luck heyhoe! :hugs: :snuggles:
Its very difficult to make them understand us.Once they grow as parents then only they will understand. -
sorry if i took it the wrong way, but from here, it sounds like MCS is inevitable. Its like you all make it sound like it will definitely happen no matter what you try. Feels just the same like what my father said to me.
"I know we are neglecting you but it can’t be helped. it just happens."
Or something along this line. I seriously hated that line. What does he mean by it just happens? Does it mean its a curse or something that i just have to suck it up and live with it? And ultimately, isn’t prevention better than cure? -
my bil is a middle child. he is very clever and independent hence, the parents dun really worry and focus on him much. my hb is the less intelligent 1 , hence more focus is on him. then thats where the resentment came in and Till now and he is already 28 yrs old. his younger bro is 7 yrs younger than him.
now im expecting my 3rd boy. and im afraid that my #2 will have such feelings. As much as we parents try to prevent this, we wouldnt know hw the kids feel. dilemma. -
notakidnoraparent:
Well in a way your father is right. The way I see it now anyway. Parents can minimise the negative effects but don't forget that some of the cause of MCS are also a result of how the siblings are and what the character and temperament of the middle child is like. And since the siblings are also kids they will not know to say 'oh middle child have certain sensitivities so we better downplay certain stuff in case it affects him or her'.sorry if i took it the wrong way, but from here, it sounds like MCS is inevitable. Its like you all make it sound like it will definitely happen no matter what you try. Feels just the same like what my father said to me.
\"I know we are neglecting you but it can't be helped. it just happens.\"
Or something along this line. I seriously hated that line. What does he mean by it just happens? Does it mean its a curse or something that i just have to suck it up and live with it? And ultimately, isn't prevention better than cure?
At the end of the day, look back and think, was it all bad? Don't get too hung up about all the MCS thing. Being first born isn't all that fun either, cos must be the responsible one, being last born also no fun cos nobody ever take you seriously enough as you are the youngest. Even at age 50 you are still the youngest so what do you know. :razz: -
viviling:
now im expecting my 3rd boy. and im afraid that my #2 will have such feelings. As much as we parents try to prevent this, we wouldnt know hw the kids feel. dilemma.
Hi viviling,
The fact that you are aware there is such a syndrome is already half the battle won! Now it is for you to prepare yourself & spouse how to handle it right from the start hopefully can avoid all the heartaches we have read here when all these feelings came surfacing up only in the twenties.
For eg. when expecting the 2nd kid, there was a thread sharing about how we can prevent the 1st kid from feeling neglected. Suggestions like ensuring the 1st kid went to fetch the BB at the hospital nursery lah, buying gifts for the 1st kid from the BB lah etc...
Same as for the 2nd kid now that you are having the 3rd kid. Do have the same type of consideration as well. Also take time to spend alone time with the middle kid. I remembered when young my father would take me out for lunch when I visited him at his office after sec-school. Two of us would have western set lunch where I first learnt how to use the fork and knife and having soup & bread before the main-course plus desert was so refreshingly new. The memory still warms my heart very much!
There are parenting books out there which mentioned about the Middle Child Syndrome. You can also read up those on how to handle. At least for me were I to have a 3rd kid, that would be the prep. I would want to do for my 2nd kid!
And to address my childhood grievance, since hoping that one chicken has 3 drumsticks is NOT possible, I resolve to CHOP UP all the drumsticks into pieces so that everybody can share! :rotflmao: -
I am also a middle child but I don’t think there’s any of the biasness in my family. Although sometimes we concur that my dad dotes on my elder bro most and my mum spoils my younger sis, enough love and attention was given to me during my growing up years so that I’ve never quite felt too neglected nor left out. But I AM the errand girl in the house, I manage all the admin matters for the entire family even though my bro n me are now married with our own families.
Conversely I am having a lot of problems with my middle child now. He’s 2 and he a boy, no.3 is 6 months now and a boy too. No. 2 has a v explosive temper and wants me to sayang him all the time. Am trying to be v patient with him…
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login