Middle Child
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sleepy:
My brother is the middle child but elder son. Super bao bei yeh. Where got middle child syndrome
Hi sleepy,
You are right, this \"middle-child syndrome\" is not totally the same and I believe is much dependent on the order of the siblings!
For eg. although I am a middle-child, I am the only GIRL in-between 2 brothers. So no matter what, I cannot be ignored much because the clothes I wear are different, when puberty came I got period lah etc...( you get my drift?
). So I have never felt neglected. Can also attribute to the fact that I am much better in my studies compared to my bros hence I was hardly called upon to do housework or wash the dishes! 
BUT, if the order is such that first 2 kids are boys and last one a girl, or all 3 kids are boys, or all 3 kids are girls, or first 2 kids are girls last one boy. Wah lau, the middle one I tell you SURE kerna neglected one way or the other and that is when parents must be aware and make conscious effort to engage the middle child!
Common sense and also as a parent myself will tell that the middle kid will almost always get hand-me-downs from the elder sibling. And focus of parent will always be on the eldest (where everything to the parent will be new) or the youngest (always got to pay special attention to youngest). The middle child is neither here nor there and will ALWAYS be neither the oldest or the youngest!
My colleague has 3 boys and she too told me her middle son (now in uni) recently accused them of being unfair. Unfairly good to the eldest child and lax in study standards for the youngest. I told her about my chicken drumstick incident and we had a good laugh about it. But it gave her some serious food for thought and she said she must go back and discuss with her husband about it. Somehow they had unconsciously neglected their middle kid....
:grphug: -
notakidnoraparent:
Hi notakidnoraparent,I believe I can relate to this as I am the middle child as well.
I am 23 this year and trust me, this middle child syndrome is sadly real. For me, its sad cos its pretty much like what most of the other middle child says. Being invisible at times, or in my case, too noticeable. In all honesty, I did ask around, among my friends and sometimes even people that I meet at work, how are their middle child at home is being treated. Most of the time, they are able to relate to me. Of cos there are always the outliers, where they are treated really nice. Pretty ironic for this to be called middle child syndrome cos the way you are treated is quite extremist.
Thank you very much for sharing with us on this forum!
I believe you are a great kid (ok 23 is no longer a kid ya?) and really nice of you to be helping out with the house-work!
People have told you to speak up but I can understand how difficult it is to bring up such a subject, especially you mentioned your parents are both working as well? For me, most times such frustrations would be vented out through quarreling with my mother. Although I won't recommend you to quarrel but quarreling is also a form of communication whereby one's feelings get to be aired out in the open. Like I mentioned, my colleague's middle kid only recently passed some remarks about unfairness and he should be about 19 or 20 already. Imagine his parents must be shocked because am sure he must have felted unfairly treated for years already.
One good silver lining is that next time when you ARE a parent and have many kids, you sure will understand about this syndrome and be a fair parent yourself. At least, I hope so! -
Yah, that's why I said parents are not even aware that they are doing what they are doing.
Growing up, I think, I have the most freedom compared to both my sisters. But instead of seeing it as freedom or a vote of confidence from my parents, I see it as them being uninterested in me. My younger sis envied me while I envied her and my elder sis for the 'interest' my parents showed in their movements in and out of the house.
And I think being the middle child, I wanted my parents' approval so I started helping about in the house. But instead of getting the approval I crave, I ended up being the one they will task to do chores around the house while my sisters don't have to. Again, during that time, I resented that. But now, I know why I was the one they keep getting to do chores. Cos when they ask me, the chores are done, if they ask either sisters, it is either not done or half done. So they turn to the most effective one. haha. So that was actually my own fault. Well the problem is when I flared up and protested, instead of telling me it is because they can count on me and they appreciate that, I got scolded instead. And ended up all 3 of us siblings kenna long lectures from my Dad about helping out in the house and I became the bad guy that got everyone in trouble. :razz:
But really, being the middle child is not all bad. I got away with a lot more things then either sisters. And I was also super lucky as I had a grandma and uncle whe dote on me a lot so I turn to them for the attention that I was not getting from my parents I guess. -
Funz:
So my point is most parent will not intentionally and blatantly give less attention to one child or another but it will still happen. And what is more important is how things are perceived by the child, not, whether or not that is the intention of the adult.
Agree with you, Funz. As a middle-child ourselves, we learn to live with it, watching the world revolving around us (by-passing I mean, hee....hee...). I am grateful to my mother for being very conscious about it, that neither one of us would feel that she is being unfair. She would take pains to explain the rationale behind and make sure we understand her action so that none of us would feel bad about it. For eg. in my teens, she would cook chicken soup for me after my period and my elder brother felt she was being unfairly good to me. He thought my mother preferred me because I was much better in studies. But she took pains to explain to my brother that the soup is only for women and he cannot eat, not that she is slighting him. So he understood and did not hold the grudge inside him.
As for me, in order not to have the middle-child syndrome, I am prepared to stop at two, although I much wanted to have 3 kids! -
Does it mean when you have four kids, the middle two will be prone to middle child syndrome?
As I thought about this MCS thing, it is not whether spending equal time with all children that will contribute to it. But children can sense favoritism. Am I right to say that?
Then of course a catalyst to cause MCS might also be order of gender in the home. -
I think its depend on their nature.My nephew,he is in the middle,he likes to organise and cleaning the house.They all are boys.Other two doesn’t like to do.My sister knows he is pity but get help from them is very difficult.Do u know my sis likes his middle son very much.He is not a trouble maker.First one is the trouble maker.
In my own family,My elder sister is very patient and do everything at home.Second one very demanding and third one is pity. -
I'd like to share that I do find that my ds2 does have middle child syndrome. As much as we tried to juggle around, I guess he still feels left out at times. I find that he's trying hard to please and if I give him my full attention, he's very well behaved but when I'm busy attending to the other 2, he'll try to get attention by misbehaving.
It's tough but I guess I'm still juggling.
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good luck heyhoe! :hugs: :snuggles:
Its very difficult to make them understand us.Once they grow as parents then only they will understand. -
sorry if i took it the wrong way, but from here, it sounds like MCS is inevitable. Its like you all make it sound like it will definitely happen no matter what you try. Feels just the same like what my father said to me.
"I know we are neglecting you but it can’t be helped. it just happens."
Or something along this line. I seriously hated that line. What does he mean by it just happens? Does it mean its a curse or something that i just have to suck it up and live with it? And ultimately, isn’t prevention better than cure? -
my bil is a middle child. he is very clever and independent hence, the parents dun really worry and focus on him much. my hb is the less intelligent 1 , hence more focus is on him. then thats where the resentment came in and Till now and he is already 28 yrs old. his younger bro is 7 yrs younger than him.
now im expecting my 3rd boy. and im afraid that my #2 will have such feelings. As much as we parents try to prevent this, we wouldnt know hw the kids feel. dilemma.
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