Middle Child
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HC_Parent:
Please continue having patience. Do not lose it. I mean, I am the middle child and I am of age to understand the feelings of the whole issue. He is 2 and I doubt he understands any of these so do not blame him for being so. I hope you will have the strength to carry on!I am also a middle child but I don't think there's any of the biasness in my family. Although sometimes we concur that my dad dotes on my elder bro most and my mum spoils my younger sis, enough love and attention was given to me during my growing up years so that I've never quite felt too neglected nor left out. But I AM the errand girl in the house, I manage all the admin matters for the entire family even though my bro n me are now married with our own families.
Conversely I am having a lot of problems with my middle child now. He's 2 and he a boy, no.3 is 6 months now and a boy too. No. 2 has a v explosive temper and wants me to sayang him all the time. Am trying to be v patient with him...
Jia you!!!
My heart always break whenever I hear a a kid or baby crying. Makes me feel so helpless. -
notakidnoraparent:
Hi notakidnoraparent,sorry if i took it the wrong way, but from here, it sounds like MCS is inevitable. Its like you all make it sound like it will definitely happen no matter what you try. Feels just the same like what my father said to me.
\"I know we are neglecting you but it can't be helped. it just happens.\"
Or something along this line. I seriously hated that line. What does he mean by it just happens? Does it mean its a curse or something that i just have to suck it up and live with it? And ultimately, isn't prevention better than cure?
I think your father is trying to apologize to you but at the same time cannot turn back the clock so he is trying to appeal to your understanding that they did not mean to neglect you but it just happens because of circumstances at that time.
Of course it is not alright and it hurts and definitely prevention is better than cure! It is not only the MCS thing but any issues can happen which a child can be very hurt by his/her parents. For eg. for me, I am the one who study the most, earn the most and gave my mother the most allowance. Yet in my twenties, she actually criticized me for being \"Du Xi Shu\" (study dead books) and compared me to my neighbour who is a lot more outgoing than me and had many guys chasing after her. Me, like a wall-flower, such a dead bookworm, dunno how to make up, not even having a boy-friend!
I think my mother thought she was being humorous so that I can buck up and be more outgoing but it hurts like hell. So one day, I could not take it anymore and exploded! :stompfeet: I told her if she call me one more time \"Du Xi Shu\", I will not give her a single cent anymore! I mean, what the hell, I studied so hard so that I could get a good job so that I can earn more to provide for her (since she often quarreled with my dad about money) and she called me \"Du Xi Shu\"!
Anyway, after that, she never says that anymore. In my mid-twenties, I also dealt with quite a lot of hurts with my parents by talking to my colleagues and I thank God for having colleagues whom I can share with, pour out my deepest hurts (especially with parents) and after their \"counselling\" actually heal and can forgive and forget already!
So I too hope it is the same for you, be it venting over here at KSP (hey, really feel free to do that if you want to because you should have seen how we vented re. our maids and mother-in-laws in other threads!), talking to your friends or colleagues etc. By talking it out can get healed and move on.
After a certain age, it is no longer for us to ask what our parents can do for us but what we can do for our parents already.....
OK, regarding this MCS thingy, right now in my family, my two brothers could not see eye-to-eye and get onto each other's nerves so it is left to me to pull the family together as well. They both won't talk to each other directly got to go through me.
Anyway, no end to our problems ya? :hi5:
Share, share here OK? Have a great weekend!
:celebrate: -
You know what is worse than this whole MCS thing?
Its why your siblings also start doing what your parents do to you. Anything in the house that goes wrong, they would also point to me first. Or like errands that my mom asks my older brother to do, he would palm it off to me. My younger sister would then make use of her position to always do the wrong things and then blame it on me.
It is really sad when everyone in the family is really against you. As do what all youngsters like to say these days, FML. Zzz. -
I was just musing about the "middle-child syndrome" again and somehow like to illustrate it by referring to the traffic lights. You know traffic lights got Red, Orange and Green light right?
So we always think about the traffic lights as either Red or Green light right? Anybody bother much about the Orange light? Although the Orange light is obviously there and we all know about its function, but it is neither as powerful as the Red "Stop!" light nor as delightful and exciting as the Green "Go!" light!
The Orange traffic light is just…there. So for want of a better description, I liken the middle-child to the orange traffic light - neither here nor there! -
DesertWind:
I was just musing about the \"middle-child syndrome\" again and somehow like to illustrate it by referring to the traffic lights. You know traffic lights got Red, Orange and Green light right?
So we always think about the traffic lights as either Red or Green light right? Anybody bother much about the Orange light? Although the Orange light is obviously there and we all know about its function, but it is neither as powerful as the Red \"Stop!\" light nor as delightful and exciting as the Green \"Go!\" light!
The Orange traffic light is just....there. So for want of a better description, I liken the middle-child to the orange traffic light - neither here nor there!
AWww.. :snuggles: that's a pretty sad analogy. As the eldest in the family, I've always thought the middle child has the most freedom to be himself/herself, to do what he chooses to do as the parents' attention aren't so much on them... -
my sil who is the middle child told me not to have 3 kids for this reason too…
even after all these years, they still feel it…
and sometimes I feel very sad when i see relatives when: eldest gets dad’s attention cos she can talk well, baby is in mummy’s arms… and middle child? always with the maid…
the middle children i know are usually fiercely indpt, but they would say it’s not by choice but forced by circumstances… somehow they keep getting left out, drop out of the radar, so they have to be ‘harder’ and numb themselves so that they are more unfeeling / don’t feel so hurt? -
KZYPmum:
Wa, really? You mean in self-denial? Never knew it could be so serious... What about twins? Either the first two or later two?my sil who is the middle child told me not to have 3 kids for this reason too...
even after all these years, they still feel it...
and sometimes I feel very sad when i see relatives when: eldest gets dad's attention cos she can talk well, baby is in mummy's arms... and middle child? always with the maid...
the middle children i know are usually fiercely indpt, but they would say it's not by choice but forced by circumstances... somehow they keep getting left out, drop out of the radar, so they have to be 'harder' and numb themselves so that they are more unfeeling / don't feel so hurt? -
I think the dynamics with twins will be different as they are both of the same age and will demand similar attention from the parents. So for twins, the less demanding one will be the one ‘neglected’.
It is not all bad being the middle child. Like what concern2 mentioned, we tend to get a fair bit more freedom compared to the eldest and the youngest. And yes, we tend to be more independant, whether by design or not, doesn’t matter as, again, it is not something that is bad.
Yes, there are growing up angst and the ‘am I your flesh & blood’ feeling. But all in all, if the parents are generally fair, the middle child will still do well. It is not something that is crippling, it is just a mild complex that some of us have. -
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Wah so long never come here liaow. hahah! Anyways, recently, it seems my brother has started to make me run errands like he is the parent at home. I am like feeling so angry at this. I mean, even now my sibling take me as nothing. Angry much,.
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