SAHP or working is better?

[MMM]

smurf:

Hi minnie,



yoou are right. I'm not patient too, and is embarassed to said that I lose temper quite frequent lately. and worse, show it in front of kids...I feel lousy and bad as a mum...I think I'm a lousy mum... :oops:

Hi Smurf,

You are not alone. I am guilty of that too. I would be :x if they don't do their stuff correctly. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with our fengshui at home. I am not kidding. It's like the moment I step in, my mood just swing. Especially if I see that the kids are still sitting infront of TV iso bathing and in the study room. I guess it's just the stress level.

I would also get very angry if they are not cooperative (dilly dally, never think properly, etc...). I just get mad and would start to scold them or pull a long face. :roll:

In my case, it all started when my eldest enter P1.... But it's good that we are conscious of our own mood.

Despite my mood and how strict I am, the kids will still have preference for me over my hubby (who is the more loving type and will give in to them more but he is also the Mr Kway Teow Mee). I feel that I still gain their respect. So don't be disheartened.

[autumnbronze]

smurf:

yoou are right. I'm not patient too, and is embarassed to said that I lose temper quite frequent lately. and worse, show it in front of kids...I feel lousy and bad as a mum...I think I'm a lousy mum... :oops:

Hi smurf,

Don't be too hard on yourself ... :hugs:

You are only human too. I 'spose we do need to find some way to deal with the temper like time out etc....

[csc]

autumnbronze:

smurf:

yoou are right. I'm not patient too, and is embarassed to said that I lose temper quite frequent lately. and worse, show it in front of kids...I feel lousy and bad as a mum...I think I'm a lousy mum... :oops:

Hi smurf,

Don't be too hard on yourself ... :hugs:

You are only human too. I 'spose we do need to find some way to deal with the temper like time out etc....

Yeah...agree .

We are all imperfect people ,so of course make imperfect parents.

We will learn along the way, hopefully. Our temper (most of the time, it is due to our expectations) will mellow over the years. Maybe, the expectations get lower with passing years :lol:

As the mother of two tweens, I realise I hardly scream nowadays. In fact, the kids are the ones having the temper now!

Press on!

[Poonie]

I have 2 kids at lower pri.


I’ve tried them all: FTWM (reached home at 11pm on most nights), SAHM (with a maid), PTWM and now back to FTWM but I ensure I reach home by 6.30pm. So far I think the latter is still the most ideal for me although I think knock-off time should be brought forward to say 4 or 4.30pm for mothers. Hehe!

I am not very patient so I prefer to rely on tutors for school work as I tend to spoon-feed my kids with answers which should not be the case. But I like to have more time with them to bond with them, sharing with them stories I read from the papers or point out to them real life examples of so and so misbehaving and the consequences so that they learn about manners and values.

[bboomer71]

Hi,


Enjoyed reading all your viewpoints on this thread.

I’m a SAHM, with 2 kids, 6 and 4.

Used to be a FTWM and left the care of my DS1 to MIL and maid, until he was 3. But find that he is not developing as well as i would like, so quit my job.

Has become a non-issue to me, although i used to struggle with the perceived low status of being a SAHM. To me now, it’s a no-brainer whether i want to leave my kids to my maid or MIL, or be around to guide them.

I think having a PTWM or SAHM is preferable when kid starts pri sch, coz sch is half day and there are all those term breaks… unless you have competent grandparents, or naturally compliant/sensible children.

If you want to work full time, still ok to chiong while kids are in child care.

As for guiding the kids, we learn on the job. I leave feeding, cooking, cleaning the house to my helper. And focus on learning, academic and behavioural.

If you stay at home and things not improving, let’s face it. Gotta take bulk of the responsibility. Did you review your parenting? Try to read books? etc

[MMM]

Poonie:

I've tried them all: FTWM (reached home at 11pm on most nights), SAHM (with a maid), PTWM and now back to FTWM but I ensure I reach home by 6.30pm. So far I think the latter is still the most ideal for me although I think knock-off time should be brought forward to say 4 or 4.30pm for mothers. Hehe!

I agree with this. If both or at least 1 parent is able to reach home by latest 6.30pm. I think this would allow good work life balance. They can spend time in the evening with the kids to coach them, etc...

[Lock]

Hi all,

Let me share one of my experiences as a SAHM with you. I homeschooled my ds during his presch and he just started P1 in a government sch this year. The 1st week of sch was fine and he was very excited. However, on the second week, I can sense that he was having some separation anxiety.

One day, three weeks into sch, the sch called me and told me my ds was sick and asked me to pick him up. Of cos I rushed down immediately. When I met my ds at the sick bay, I knew he was not really sick. I spoke to him at length and discovered he was actually afraid to attend Music lesson at the later part of the day so he told the teacher he felt sick and wanted to go home. The music teacher is a very fierce, big-sized man and my ds was being shouted at once for not paying attention.

Of cos, I couldn't let him go home and escape from the situation. I spoke to his form teacher and explained the whole situation to her and she promised to speak to the music teacher. In the end, my ds remained in sch to face his giant that day.

Now, he is happy to attend school and is all excited again. :lol:

Y am I sharing this? Cos after this incident, I did some reflection and was thankful that I am a SAHM. I believe it is because of that that my son's negative feelings towards sch can be nabbed in the bud before it turned into something more serious.

I imagined myself to be a FTWM, when such an occasion arises, my caregiver will pick the child and when I reach home, I will naturally assume he is really sick and will not think of digging deeper to look for any root prob. Subsequently, cos the fear is not removed, the child will probably start to develop a phobia and will show other symptoms like not wanting to go to sch, not interested in schwork or display other misbehaviors and most probably I will only deal with those symptoms and not get to the root or may finally get to the root at a much later time.

It is because I spent so much time with my ds that I am able to pick up his body language very quickly and most of the time I am right in deciphering what is really going on behind all those behavioral displays. And I am also thankful that I can be readily available for him whenever he needs me.

To me, being SAHM will not guarantee that your kids will be smarter or better behaved but it will surely guarantee a strong bond and relationship between parent and child. Of cos, the SAHP must be genuinely spending quality time with his/her child and is not only at home physically but is emotionally detached from the child.

Personally, the main reason I have decided to become a SAHM is that I want my children to have the assurance of knowing that mum will always be at home receiving them from sch and mum will always be available anytime they need me; whether to lend a listening ear or helping them run errands to buy stuff for their projects.

If they turn out to be smarter than their peers and are able to attain great achievements, that's a bonus.

[daisyt]

Hi Lock, I feel that the way you handle that suituation of \"giant\", its not a matter of you being SAHM or not. It is more your parenting method and skill.


Even being a FTWM, I have done similar things before, halfway of work, put down everything and rush to school. My hb has flexible working hours and he spend more time with my dd than me. We used to have caregivers but we never allowed caregivers to send or fetch dd from school. Hb and dd relationship was very close when dd was in lower primary but because his parenting method is more traditional type, there is sure to have sparks and disagreement as she grows. She is more adaptive to my parenting method and hence, my relationship with her overtakes hb's. Although I spend lesser time with her when she was younger (compare to hb) and now, maybe only a couple of hour per night plus weekends, we still have strong bonding and relationship.

Since pre school till now, we have never missed any of her meet the teachers sessions, graduation part/ceremony, orientations, compeitions, events etc. We even did some voluntary works with her for the school.

I guess, its a matter of proper arrangment, so it doen't matter if its SAHP or FTWP or PTWP, we all can do still do fine in our parenting process. :celebrate:

[girlmum]

Lock:

If they turn out to be smarter than their peers and are able to attain great achievements, that's a bonus.

Totally agree with u. :ugogirl: That kind of \"bonus\" will definitely lift our spirits up to cloud 9. I am a PTWM and like u, I am able to decipher the \"hidden message\" behind that body language. :celebrate: to all MUMS.

[jedamum]

daisyt:

Even being a FTWM, I have done similar things before, halfway of work, put down everything and rush to school.

it is only somewhat workable if you have only one kid. if you have more than a kid and have to put down work halfway whenever issues arise, it is going to be very stressful for the working mum. hence for working parents, best is to have good family support as grandparents will more likely feedback on such stuff and help follow up than domestic help.
2cents.