All About Autism

[Couragemom]

Hi tyeogh,


Hmm… On a more positive note, it means he is much more aware of his environment and people right? He might be quietly observing me you know! Hahahaha…

I totally agree with you about our hidden secret desire for my son to catch up with his peers. I am still struggling with this issue on a daily basis you know. On 1 hand I told myself that it is alright that my son is slower as long as he shows constant progress but on the other hand I keep praying in my heart that my son can catch up with his peers. Haizzz…

[tyeogh]

Couragemom:

Hi tyeogh,


Hmm.... On a more positive note, it means he is much more aware of his environment and people right? He might be quietly observing me you know! Hahahaha...

I totally agree with you about our hidden secret desire for my son to catch up with his peers. I am still struggling with this issue on a daily basis you know. On 1 hand I told myself that it is alright that my son is slower as long as he shows constant progress but on the other hand I keep praying in my heart that my son can catch up with his peers. Haizzz.....

Hahaha! :rotflmao:

Hang in there. There should be light at the end of our tunnels.....no? Or an incoming train???

[sharonkhoo]

tyeogh:

Hi slmkhoo,

You know what? That was the exact same question his principal asked me two weeks ago - why upgrade him when he is happy where he is.

It is a tough question. I don't know the answer and I cannot explain why I am opting such. I guess in spite of all our efforts to accept our child, there is a certain hidden desire that they be normal and we want him to lead that normal life. You were faced with that decision many years ago and made the decision to move your girl forward, which you now regret. I guess I am no different. Perhaps it is the dread of being quizzed by him years later why his peer's NRIC is different (meaning he is older and not so smart so he had to stay back 1 year). Perhaps we parents do not want a enduring stigma on his life.

I don't know the answer. I hear you and the logic behind it. I will probably sleep on this one. Like the many things I have done for this child, there is probably no right or wrong answers - it is a journey of difficult choices. I will consider again and try to hear the small still voice inside to guide me along. Thanks for sharing your experience. It gives me an idea of what to expect.

I understand where you are coming from. I didn't actually decide to move my child along with her cohort - it never occurred to me that I could ask for her to stay back a year. And as she was doing well academically and not too badly socially, we just didn't think about it at all. The social skills thing caught up with her in the teen years when others matured so much faster. And academically, her lack of maturity is showing up in GP and Lit where thinking is more important than just remembering.

Explaining to a child why he is older than his peers is tricky. My daughter was older by the time I had to explain why she was lagging behind her peers and even her younger sister, and she seems to have coped OK with the knowledge. By the time kids get to the end of sec school, the various streams muddle up the ages anyway. Chew on it, and make the best choice based on what you know and feel.

[Niu2009]

tyeogh:

Hi slmkhoo,

You know what? That was the exact same question his principal asked me two weeks ago - why upgrade him when he is happy where he is.

It is a tough question. I don't know the answer and I cannot explain why I am opting such. I guess in spite of all our efforts to accept our child, there is a certain hidden desire that they be normal and we want him to lead that normal life. You were faced with that decision many years ago and made the decision to move your girl forward, which you now regret. I guess I am no different. Perhaps it is the dread of being quizzed by him years later why his peer's NRIC is different (meaning he is older and not so smart so he had to stay back 1 year). Perhaps we parents do not want a enduring stigma on his life.

I don't know the answer. I hear you and the logic behind it. I will probably sleep on this one. Like the many things I have done for this child, there is probably no right or wrong answers - it is a journey of difficult choices. I will consider again and try to hear the small still voice inside to guide me along. Thanks for sharing your experience. It gives me an idea of what to expect.

My son is same age as your son. He is in K1 now. His ST suggested send him in speech and drama, just started last week. His teacher always said strong in academic and week in social. I am also thinking about defer him 1 year as he is Nov baby. Sign! A difficult decision.

[Niu2009]

tyeogh:

Hi slmkhoo,

You know what? That was the exact same question his principal asked me two weeks ago - why upgrade him when he is happy where he is.

It is a tough question. I don't know the answer and I cannot explain why I am opting such. I guess in spite of all our efforts to accept our child, there is a certain hidden desire that they be normal and we want him to lead that normal life. You were faced with that decision many years ago and made the decision to move your girl forward, which you now regret. I guess I am no different. Perhaps it is the dread of being quizzed by him years later why his peer's NRIC is different (meaning he is older and not so smart so he had to stay back 1 year). Perhaps we parents do not want a enduring stigma on his life.

I don't know the answer. I hear you and the logic behind it. I will probably sleep on this one. Like the many things I have done for this child, there is probably no right or wrong answers - it is a journey of difficult choices. I will consider again and try to hear the small still voice inside to guide me along. Thanks for sharing your experience. It gives me an idea of what to expect.

My son is same age as your son. He is in K1 now. His ST suggested send him in speech and drama, just started last week. His teacher always said strong in academic and week in social. I am also thinking about defer him 1 year as he is Nov baby. Sign! A difficult decision.

[Niu2009]

tyeogh:

Hi slmkhoo,

You know what? That was the exact same question his principal asked me two weeks ago - why upgrade him when he is happy where he is.

It is a tough question. I don't know the answer and I cannot explain why I am opting such. I guess in spite of all our efforts to accept our child, there is a certain hidden desire that they be normal and we want him to lead that normal life. You were faced with that decision many years ago and made the decision to move your girl forward, which you now regret. I guess I am no different. Perhaps it is the dread of being quizzed by him years later why his peer's NRIC is different (meaning he is older and not so smart so he had to stay back 1 year). Perhaps we parents do not want a enduring stigma on his life.

I don't know the answer. I hear you and the logic behind it. I will probably sleep on this one. Like the many things I have done for this child, there is probably no right or wrong answers - it is a journey of difficult choices. I will consider again and try to hear the small still voice inside to guide me along. Thanks for sharing your experience. It gives me an idea of what to expect.

My son is same age as your son. He is in K1 now. His ST suggested send him in speech and drama, just started last week. His teacher always said strong in academic and week in social. I am also thinking about defer him 1 year as he is Nov baby. Sign! A difficult decision.

[pinkamoon]

Hi! Just want to chip in since the topic revolves around 'upgrading'.


I can understand how tyeogh feels as I was in the same position. However, I listened to my inner voice last year to defer my son despite family members asking me not to do it. I just knew he will not be able to blend into mainstream given his ability to comply and poor social skills last year. So, I ended up 'downgrading' him.

I did not regret my actions. I feel that the extra time he has this year seems to have given him time to 'grow up' a bit more.

I confess I too hope that he outgrows his autism quickly to the extend that I say certain things I should not have to him. Just yesterday, when I was angry, he told me, ''Mummy, I just want to be normal.'' It really broke my heart when I heard that. He must have picked up that line from me.

Like what slmkhoo mentioned about maturity level, I agree with her totally. I can see that my son is quite immatured as compared to his peers. He seems to be lagging behind 2-3 years? So, I thought he will not seem so immature as compared to his peers if I delay his entry to school.

My son seldom plays for a long time with his sisters. Yesterday, he participated in their pretend play and called his sister Mama (because she pretended to be their mother) and followed his 'mama' to school, bus, beach etc. He complied to what his sisters told him to do. It was a very happy moment for me to see him play this game for more than 30 mins before bedtime. I think to others it may be something achievable. To me, it is a big thing. I even had the moments captured on video.

[sharonkhoo]

pinkamoon:

I confess I too hope that he outgrows his autism quickly to the extend that I say certain things I should not have to him. Just yesterday, when I was angry, he told me, ''Mummy, I just want to be normal.'' It really broke my heart when I heard that. He must have picked up that line from me.

One of the hardest things that we parents will have to go through is to accept that autism cannot be outgrown. All we are doing is teaching our kids to cope and improve, but the underlying 'differences' (social skills, physical skills, etc) will always be there. Just as an NT kid who is poor in Maths or tone deaf will continue to be so as an adult, our kids' traits will always be with them. Our job is to find ways for them to live fulfilling lives based on their strengths while coping with their weaknesses. They can learn to appear NT in most cases, but their traits will surface whenever they are faced with something new that is outside their learned skills. My daughter is so 'normal' that she has been in mainstream schools all her life, but even now, little things that my younger child would cope with without even thinking about it will cause her (the older one) a lot of stress and require us to explain to her what other people mean, why they behaved as they did, what her reaction should be, what is likely to happen next etc. This weakness in social understanding is going to be with her all her life even though she will learn to cope with individual situations one by one as she encounters them.

I try never to use the word 'normal' in describing either my NT girl or certain behaviours I want to see in my Asperger's girl. It's too loaded with judgement and comparison. We just say things, 'that's just her way', 'she's so creative/unique/has a different way of viewing the world' etc. When trying to teach her to behave in some way, I explain the desired outcome in terms of how others will react or what they will expect. My daughter seems to have accepted that she is different from most people, but doesn't seem unhappy about it most of the time.

[tyeogh]

Niu2009:

My son is same age as your son. He is in K1 now. His ST suggested send him in speech and drama, just started last week. His teacher always said strong in academic and week in social. I am also thinking about defer him 1 year as he is Nov baby. Sign! A difficult decision.

My son is a Dec 29 baby............

[sharonkhoo]

tyeogh:

Niu2009:

My son is same age as your son. He is in K1 now. His ST suggested send him in speech and drama, just started last week. His teacher always said strong in academic and week in social. I am also thinking about defer him 1 year as he is Nov baby. Sign! A difficult decision.

My son is a Dec 29 baby............

All the more reason to hold him back a year. Lots of parents of NT kids born in Dec would want to hold their kids back if they were allowed. My daughter is a Jan kid!