All About Autism

[Gifts from Heaven]

Hi So50,


I would think that for your friend whose kid can sit quietly through a meal, the ipad is the trick. And the ipad is probably showing the kid's favourite video :).
Your kid is still very young. It is already an achievement if he can sit quietly for 10-15 mins. I remembered that when my kids were that young, they would be brought out by the maid to take a walk once they finished their food. And if the maid is not with us, then my hubby and I will take turns to take them out while the other one eats. During my kids' time, ipad is not common, so we hardly take long meals or go out and meet friends for a chat with the kids. Then a few year later, there were those portable video players and I remembered my younger brother and sister using those to play cartoons for their kids while we have our get-together meals.
Anyway, even up to now, my 8 yr old AS boy will still get up and walk around once he has finished his food, if he is not on his ipad. So, if you don't want to give ipad, then you will have to bring other things like toys to keep him occupied. But it will not be as 'captivating' as the ipad :).

As for your other issue on sensory problem, my AS boy also had this problem when he was younger..around 1 yrs old. He was not diagnosed then and so we didn't know anything about sensory issues. We just had to avoid certain foodcourts cos every time we were there, he would cry non-stop until we leave that place. He got better as he grew older and I was also able to read his 'signals', so we will leave before any meltdown starts. And in any case if I missed reading his signs and a meltdown starts while we are in the shopping mall, I would bring my boy to the baby nursing room and stay inside with him with the door closed until he quietens down. The hugging method that ammonite shared does help to calm my boy too, so you can try. But be sure to hug him from behind and wrapping his arms down in your hug so that he wouldn't accidentally hit or scratch your face.
It's a long journey but it will get better as the child grows older and have better self-regulation.

[So50]

On a side note, an interesting story to share…

During the last 2 months of information searching about autism, we realise that my hub could be autistic as he has many symptons described. Just that 30+ years ago, asd is not so widely known. This asd gene could have been passed down.
We have been together for over 10 years. Though i know he is "weird" in certain sense, but i found him to be cool…hah, think my eyes must have been glued with stamps back then…

SO had repetitive behaviour, start talking only from 5 onwards and never really talked much during his primary school years. He is basically a loner. He has not many friends either, only one miserable friend he still keep in contact. Even now, he do not like crowded places, can be quite oblivious of other ppl’s feelings etc. I do not know if he is on the mild or serious spectrum.

On a positive note, he function normally now, has a decent job and has a family… He can mingle around socially if it is needed but not on the heart-to-heart basis like i have with my own gfs…

[So50]

My SO has been telling me, he is surviving now. So our child should be able to survive this better since there are now more help and knowledge sharing on this topic. I hope so and pray so…


I am probably quite new to all this at the moment. So i have been quite sensitive and easily upset when people pass comments just like that…thank you to all who had replied to my post and advise.

Jia you ! I will toughen myself up and thicken my skin up as well.

[sharonkhoo]

Yes, do take heart from your husband’s experience. The modern age in Singapore is much more difficult in that people compare a lot, and there is less accommodation for those who are developing on a different timeline or in a different direction. If you think back to your schooldays, there is almost certainly someone (or several) you remember as a little "weird", but we generally accepted them as part of the variety of life. As parents, the best gift we can give to our ASD kids is to allow them the time and space to grow, and to absorb the remarks and lack of understanding from others. Of course, there is a need to help them understand and comply with social norms in order not to be ostracised or to offend others, but it is up to us to decide to what degree. It is not necessary, and probably unkind, to compare them with the "normal" and expect them to be exactly the same.


I also did not allow my kids to roam freely in restaurants and public spaces for their own safety and to minimise inconvenience to others (knee-high moving obstacles in a restaurant are an accident waiting to happen, for eg, and also makes things difficult for waitresses). I would encourage you to keep on training your son to stay in his seat as long as possible, and to buy time with toys, colouring books or whatever. If you are willing, there is always the iPad or mobile phone though I would avoid those if possible. In the meanwhile, if you know your son can’t do it yet, avoid those situations for now, at least with those who are critical and lack understanding. For a while, I simply avoided long slow meals, and was always prepared to pack up and leave if my kids had had enough. With training, it’s a passing phase.

[sharonkhoo]

Also wanted to add - your acceptance of your husband and your appreciation of his idiosyncracies is very encouraging to me! I often wonder if my girl will find a life partner who can appreciate and value her differentness, just as we have. You give me hope!

[So50]

Hi Slmkhoo,


Have faith. I am sure there will be someone out there waiting for your girl.

As for me, my hub and i came a long way. We have our fair share of communication issues as well…I was attracted to him at first cos he is really knowledgeable in his field. And he was very "outspoken". What i meant is he will go all the way to put his point across to you. However, while doing so, he could have hurt his co-workers and was oblivious to other people’s feelings. Sometimes, even offending other ppl. To put it simply, i always tell him "u have no EQ at all". At times, he can just immerse himself at work throughout the weekend, ignoring us…

Now that we deduce there could be an asd gene around, we are skeptical about having no.2.

[phtthp]

So50:

My SO has been telling me, he is surviving now. So our child should be able to survive this better since there are now more help and knowledge sharing on this topic. I hope so and pray so...


I am probably quite new to all this at the moment. So i have been quite sensitive and easily upset when people pass comments just like that...thank you to all who had replied to my post and advise.

Jia you ! I will toughen myself up and thicken my skin up as well.

what is SO ?

[So50]

So = significant other. My hub…

[sharonkhoo]

So50:

Now that we deduce there could be an asd gene around, we are skeptical about having no.2.

Can't advise you there. I don't know what I would have decided had I known, but I got pregnant with my 2nd (very NT girl) before I realised that my older one had ASD. It's been great having the both of them and they get along well.

[So50]

Thanks everyone for the advise.


Hi tyeogh, my boy does not take any fruits. I am having a hard time to give him fruits. But i trick him to having fruits. He can take bread with jam… So i cut the apple or pear to tiny bits and mix with jam to give it to him. And he takes it… I dunnoe why my boy dun dare to take fruits. He sees me munching the apple, but he do not dare to bite it like how i do it. He will just keep holding it in his hands.
Does your boy likes stir-fried stuff? For noodles, i tried frying ‘bee tai mak’ with egg and onion + seasoning. Afterwhich, i cut the bee tai mak into small parts. "look like fat rice right?"…he seems to like it. Afterwhich i progress to fried meehoon, banmian and soupy stuff. Maybe you can try char kway teow? Afterall, its a SG’s favourite…Hehe…

Hi double e. Yes, gg indoor playgrounds is a nightmare. I brought him to one a few weeks back. He just drag us out and keep saying home. Then he will cover his ears and run around.guess I will have to slowly introduce this to him at a later stage…