Difficult Relationship with Parents

[toddles]

mummyJune:

my mum look down on me & my DH. when DH & i were dating she say if i were to marry him she will disown me cos she never like DH. but heck care her, i still marry my DH.


when we bought our 5-rm flat, she said buy so big for wat & say she got no $ to LEND me for reno. but we used our own money, i never took a cent from her.

when i was pregnant, she said my tummy so small, i never eat iszit, dun starve her grandson. when i said i cant eat anymore cos very full, she force me to finish & say i waste food den complain to my dad, aunties etc

Always complain she no $, always complain her children no good, always compare other ppl with us.

she always say my son everything also duno. compare him, a 1yr old with a 5yrs old. anything she say abt my son i always argue back. she can say anything abt me but Y drag my son in. :x

she will embarass me in front of relatives or her friends & say things like me & DH everything duno still dare to ve baby. during my schooling days, my friends came over to my house, she embarassed me by telling them im so useless, duno how to cook maggi mee & duno how to wash panty.

she always talk bad abt my inlaws. :roll:

she always curse my grandfather(her FIL) to die.

i duno Y i ve such an evil mum. mayb i did something to her in my past thus ive such an evil mother.

Wow your mum sounds like she has real serious issues. *pat pat*

I would try to minimise contact with her if I were in your shoes. Behaviour and remarks like that really poison the soul.

Glad that you and your DH have backbone and don't need to rely on her.

Try to live a happy life, don't let her nastiness ruin your mood. *hug*

[mummyJune]

[/quote]


Wow your mum sounds like she has real serious issues. pat pat

I would try to minimise contact with her if I were in your shoes. Behaviour and remarks like that really poison the soul.

Glad that you and your DH have backbone and don’t need to rely on her.

Try to live a happy life, don’t let her nastiness ruin your mood. hug[/quote]



im trying to. im always bothered by what she said. in fact i was so upset by her actions once i had premature birth. luckily my son was alright. & she can say lucky i never harm her grandson or else i should go & die instead.

[toddles]

wah that is really mean.


I know people who would never speak to their parents again if such harsh words were said.

I guess all you can do is treat her as having some mental illness and still try to do your duty as a daughter, and take it that she can’t help being so mean.

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

mummyJune:

Always complain she no $, always complain her children no good, always compare other ppl with us.

Mine is like that too. Basically she's avery unhappy person. Sometimes I pity her. But at least she has not said anything bad abt my kids.

I always wonder why some mothers (like mine) can always be so unhappy. Nothing seems to please her and her only 'hobby' seems to be complaining...always complain about $$, complain husband NG, children NG, always saying that other mothers have a better life than her, why did she have such a 'hard life' blah...blah...blah..., when in fact she has not work at all in her whole life. I just don't understand, sigh....

[toddles]

i think they have unrealistic expectations.


And i think women just have this tendency to complain, to compare, to feel dissatisfied with life.

Plus most of them are at this menopause / post menopause phase where their hormones are really haywire.

So all these factors make some (not all lah) women around our mothers age real miserable.

I have another friend, whose mother KEEPS ON COMPLAINING that she’s ill. he sent her to hospital, they ran all sorts of checks which cost him a BOMB and found out nothing wrong.

sometimes they have high blood cos they make themselves stressed.

i pray that i won’t end up like that next time.

[mummyJune]

toddles:

i think they have unrealistic expectations.


And i think women just have this tendency to complain, to compare, to feel dissatisfied with life.

Plus most of them are at this menopause / post menopause phase where their hormones are really haywire.

So all these factors make some (not all lah) women around our mothers age real miserable.

I have another friend, whose mother KEEPS ON COMPLAINING that she's ill. he sent her to hospital, they ran all sorts of checks which cost him a BOMB and found out nothing wrong.

sometimes they have high blood cos they make themselves stressed.

i pray that i won't end up like that next time.

the next time i see my mum i will tel her these. hope she will get it & shut up forever.

this morning my mum juz said she got a hard life since young, nothing is perfect for her, husband no good, children also not filial, other people daughters so filial, we 2 are useless.

[kaitlynangelica]

This is my story and it really saddens me.


I used to have a wonderful relationship with my Mum. She is a warm and encouraging type of person and always has positive energy around her. However, she is a highly radical Mum. For someone born in the 1940s, she managed to get a university degree and worked till me and my brother graduated. She is blessed financially and is really well-travelled. As a result, she is highly radical in her mentality and this can be a blessing in some ways. For eg, she was totally open to my brother adopting his two kids when he couldn’t have any. I know many parents from that generation who are totally against it.

In recent years, our relationship has deteriorated because I have found that while she wants to get close to my dd, she is forever travelling and in fact, lives in Australia for a good half of the year. I resent the fact that she does not want to spend time with my dd, nor offer the least bit help at all.

For those of you that know me from other threads, I have been depressed about not being able to have another child. I was amazed that my Mum showed no concern after my 2nd miscarriage. She did not cook any tonics for me nor does she aske me to try again. It saddens me when I hear how my colleagues and friends have Mums that will busy themselves with cooking tonics for their daughters after delivery or miscarriage. When I poured out my heart to her, her answer was " God knows best so just leave it" to " I didn’t want to bring up the unpleasant memories for you" and finally to " You can’t control things. If you want it so badly, just go and adopt!". The last answer really pissed me off.

Guess some of you will be thinking I am expecting too much?

Btw, my Mum is super "ang moh" in her thinking and was against me getting a confinement maid after delivery due to the cost and is now against me taking chinese medicine for conception too.

[toddles]

wow your mum is really "ang moh" as you say.


I suppose she’s a very independent woman and is very happy leading her own life. She probably feels her kids are old enough to take care of themselves, she has done her duty and it’s now time for her to enjoy herself and let the kids go on auto-pilot.

I suppose in some ways I’m waiting for that day myself. But I suppose I’d still wanna be close to my kids and grandkids.

As for her not showing concern, I suppose that’s really quite hurtful. Don’t think you are wrong to feel hurt. Perhaps she didn’t have trouble conceiving so she doesn’t get it. Or maybe she has low empathy quotient.

What to do? gotta move on and just accept it… try not to be too sad. Just as our mums compare their kids, let’s try not to compare our mums with other ‘normal’ loving mums who are aging well…

[sakura_2009]

mummyJune:

toddles:

i think they have unrealistic expectations.


And i think women just have this tendency to complain, to compare, to feel dissatisfied with life.

Plus most of them are at this menopause / post menopause phase where their hormones are really haywire.

So all these factors make some (not all lah) women around our mothers age real miserable.

I have another friend, whose mother KEEPS ON COMPLAINING that she's ill. he sent her to hospital, they ran all sorts of checks which cost him a BOMB and found out nothing wrong.

sometimes they have high blood cos they make themselves stressed.

i pray that i won't end up like that next time.

the next time i see my mum i will tel her these. hope she will get it & shut up forever.

this morning my mum juz said she got a hard life since young, nothing is perfect for her, husband no good, children also not filial, other people daughters so filial, we 2 are useless.

All these sounds really familiar to me...my mum has also been complaining about her health...from stomach pains to leg pains...initially sent her to government re-structured hospitals for check-ups, but found nothing...then she complain government hosp NG, cannot be trusted, must go private -ok, fine, so ended up sending her to Mt E and Gleneagles just to make sure - ended up same results...basically nothing wrong with her except the common problems associated with aging...

Some friends advised that when elderly folks complain here and there (when in fact there are no genuine issues), it is usually to get ATTENTION - be it from their husband or children. Is that true? My siblings & I tried to give her as much attention as we can but there is always a limit we can do as each of us have our own families to take care of. The problem with her is she has a 'quarrelsome' nature so she is not close to any of her 9 siblings, nor does she have any close friends...We always encourage her to go to CCs to participate in any of the events that she may be interested in (we can always pay the fees for her) but she always gave the excuse that she is illiterate and therefore cannot get along with the other elderly folks etc...but I'm sure many of them in their late 60s or 70s are in the 'same boat' as her, right? Maybe she's simply not the sort to be able to mix well with others...

She will call us every few days to complain about my Dad, or she will complain about us (call me to complain about my sis & bro), or she will call my sis to complain abt me or bro or SIL) and vice versa. How can she, as a mother, keeps complaining about her own children in this way? It is as though she was trying to 'sow discord' amongst us, I really do not understand....

[starlight1968sg]

All of us will grow old one day and hope that we will not become a nuisance to others.