Dear verygeksim, I can almost feel your heartache as a mother at every point when I read your DD’s response. I really hope both your relationship will turn for the better as you put your heart to making it work. Your acknowledging that yours could be a dysfunctional relationship is a good start. As she is still very young, at P1, I see greater hope in you salvaging it now than let the matter degenerate further over the years. When they reach the teenage years, you will not be verygeksim anymore, but \"verytotheinfinitygeksim\" :siam:


Seeking counseling is one positive option where you get professional guidance and intervention. Alternatively, is to actively seek out good parenting books, do some research, get feedback from parents, tailor good recommendations into practice and DIY. Parenting is a journey. :rahrah:

As parents, we have to work on our communication with our child. It gets hard, when we are time pressured and have other stressors in life. A good starting point is to be conscious of our choice of language – avoid negative language. Use positive language in your communication with your DD. Sometimes, we ourselves need positive self-talk to start with and to have the presence of mind to remain on the positive track in the face of a negative situation or a negative person.

Given your current tumultuous relationship with her, your comment “Looks ok but there are some mistakes.” had straight away, turned your DD off. I can imagine her wall of defensiveness automatically built up and her ears shut down once that remark came off your mouth. To make it worst (sorry for the harsh evaluation), you then asked her to spot her mistake. Given the situation, would you expect her to cherrily cooperate with you and do as you bid?

Some of the ways to have a more positive communication could be: avoid criticism, instead use feedback. When we criticize, we get resistance and hard feelings. How to tell if we may be perceived as criticizing? Ask, if whatever you said will be interpreted as “What you are doing is not good enough”

As parents, we have been told to praise our child. As a child grows older, I find that there is a fine difference between acknowledgment and praise. I read in a book, that praise is judgmental and infers parental approval whilst acknowledgements simply recognise. The book further explained that praise is conditional upon the judgment of the person giving the praise. However what is important is for the child to receive self satisfaction without the need for adult approval. Acknowledgement accomplishes that by fostering feelings of being worthwhile without relying on the approval of others. It build self confidence and self reliance rather than dependence on others for feelings of sef-worth. The author then sets out sets of examples of praise vs acknowledgements to show his point as follows:

Praise:\t“I am so pleased with the way you treated your brother.”
Acknowledgment: “You treated your brother with real consideration.”

Praise: “I am so please that you washed the dishes.”
Acknowledgement: “Thank you for washing the dishes.”

Praise: “I like the way you did that.”
Acknowledgement: “How did you do that?” (acknowledgement while reinforcing).

I hope the above will give you a starting point and some food for thought in your communication with your DD. You are a good mum and I wish you well. :hugs:

I was revising w p4 DD for her science test on the topic on human systems. Without yet flipping thru any resources, I asked to briefly share with me what she has learnt on the various systems. Here’s how the conversation goes:

Me: tell me what u know about muscular system
DD: muscles
Me: that’s all?  Where hv u been revising from?
DD: I like systems n i read the entire textbook on system.  Really musculasystems Is easiest.  The whole page only has one key word "muscles"
Me: really? Show me ur textbook
DD: mum, the textbook is useless. We hardly use it during lessons for both Maths n science. Why does the school make us waste money to buy when they r seldom used?
Me: ???!!!
If DD has a uninitiated teacher who do not provide additional good notes n if I do not already hv some basic science knowledge, I will b blissfully thinking "muscles" is all she needs to know about the muscular system!

Does anyone has a reliable washing machine repair company to recommend?my just konk out w wet cloths inside n front door can’t open. Thanks!

I am a lefty..my dad is a very traditional man...I was caned to ensure that I use my right hand to write. I still remember those time cos it was really v unpleasant for me...the crying n the silent question inside me why my dad has to insist that I cannot use my natural left hand to write (I remember feeling \"sorry\" for my left hand that it was not allowed to write when it was much wanted to I was in kindy then). I remembered \"giving chance\" to my left hand to write whenever dad was not watching n unfortunately when got caught, I wd be caned. Eventually I learned to write with right hand n am still using it. But when come to sports eg bowling racquet games, my natural left hand dominates...that's because I pick up sports in school n dad not around to catch me w my left hand :). At home, I was trained to use chopsticks w right hand. This I could understand cos otherwise my chopsticks will be \"fighting\" with the person's whose sitting at my left side.


All these years, I hv this feeling that because I was not allowed to use my left hand to write, somehow, something is \"blocked\". I can't explain what that is..but like higher order creativity that is with me cannot flow out. Sorry dun know if I make sense here.

Anyway, if my kids were born left handed (which they r not), I will not force them to write w right hand. But for social reasons, I will train them to use chopsticks w their right hand.

** deleted double post **

jedamum:

do you have the means to upgrade so that you can have a better paying job in the long run? if yes, do go for it. or do you have other forms of contribution that'll you can build your self esteem on? my husband took care of our kid during the recession time when job opportunities were scarce. it was a very touchy situation at home as male ego was at an all time low when i was working, he was not and i had to attend seminars and whatnot while he wallowed in self pity at home...at times. but that had passed and he had tried to keep an open mind, helping out around the house, caring for the kid etc which i appreciated alot. IMO, at the end of the day, it is not how much the man earns that'll give the wife a sense of security or earn her respect, but rather whether the man makes an effort to try to improve his situation that he had recognised that it could have been better.

good luck!

:goodpost: :hugs: agree w jedamum...IMHO, it is whether u put n effort to upgrade urself in order to improve ur situation that will earn u respect n not so much if u earn more than ur wife. A person who just sits around n wallow in self pity will be looked down. I m sure even if u aren't able to earn more than her in the near future, by loving her n lessening her burden at home, she will appreciate it very much n in the process this will strengthen ur bond. All the best

I hv no issue abt paying for Jun n dec hols…what irks me is the lack of price transparency…at the end of day, I m not sure if I’m overcharged or not…until I saw this forum…

Mine is $60 one way, must also pay for June n dec…Cca days hv to pay extra $2 per trip. About half hour bus journey.

Try checking out the spi shop. If I remembered correctly, they do provide servicing for spi bag. $10 or $20 for zip can’t remember but price might hv changed.

Hi thinking of ordering takeaway pencai for reunion dinner but dunno where has good ones. Looking forward to recommendation from fellow parents