Yes what snowman.697 says is true but then are we then telling then our kids not to receive results they aim for? How can that be right?


wapobs- what can parents whom themselves as self-focused individuals teach their young?

and if parents fail then what about schools - which also may be filled with these self-focused individuals only working for what they earn, sometimes even that’s not the case… its that sad huh?

HOW??

love to hear your thoughts!

I can’t help it but I think that Singaporean youths- are becoming more self-focused… I want this-- as I "must to be seen as" this…


The “What’s in it for me?” syndrome may be starting to creep in these younger generation and what worse may even stunt their possibilities of achieving common goals and objectives when it comes to unified team-building, or in the long road become courteous Singaporeans willing to have a heart to see another person as a ‘person’…

How can we help them break out of it? Should it start at home? what can schools do to create the awareness?

Any thoughts- teachers in this forums, mums in this forums…

Hehehe… seems like an assignment , but isnt’ it for each an every educator. I think sometimes we see change as a bad thing when it is good… partially the problem may actually us not allowing this change to happen fearing the worse- so wondered if this is a common personality problem?

I just went back to my US, my twins turned 16 this spring, and this summer is time to begin their driving lessons. I had anticipated that their driver’s education class would do the heavy lifting, but little did I know. A student must complete 40 hours of parental supervised driving before graduating from driver’s education. In others words, at least where we live, if you are expecting driver’s education to teach the awkward first hours behind the wheel, guess again.


Thankfully my husband took charge of the first outing. This morning was my turn; and little did I know, my twins were to provide me life lessons as they each took their turn behind the wheel.

First, my son was about to drive off before fastening his seat belt. I reflected—how often do I begin an activity before fastening my own metaphorical seatbelt? How often do I transition to a new activity without setting my purpose and centering myself? It only takes a moment to buckle a “seatbelt.”

Continuing with my son, he next went through a stop sign without stopping. We were driving on Sunday, in an empty parking lot of a medical center, so no harm was possible. I don’t know where his mind was, but he was ignoring a warning from his environment. But what about me? I often joke with my wife that some days I feel like I’m working with a metaphorical check engine light on. I need to slow down, but I’m determined to plow through doing what I thinks needs to get done.

My son also needs to work on actually looking when he stops as opposed to just stopping and then going on his way. Ok, I’m guilty again. I often engage in a spiritual practice while not paying full attention to the practice. I may be listening to an mp3 file of a spiritual talk, for example, while pausing to check my email. Is not listening with my full attention the wiser course of action?

Both my son and daughter are at the stage of driving where they tend to over steer. It is not yet grooved into their muscles or into their minds that a car needs small turns of the wheel to stay on course. No need to constantly steer from right to left and back again. Yes, I can drive a car without over steering, but I often over steer my life. If I react to each new bit of information with a sweeping gesture, I find myself driving off the smoothly paved road that is my life and onto the shoulder and into a ditch. My life does not depend on my steering.

And leave it to my daughter to provide the lesson of the day. Once she thought her foot was on the accelerator when it was on the brake. Once she thought she was steering right when she was turning the wheel left. Ok, rookie mistakes; but each time, her initial reaction was the same—she was doing the right thing and the car was reacting in the wrong way.

I explained to my children about sudden acceleration syndrome which occurs when a driver intends to press on the brake and instead puts their foot on the accelerator. When the car reacts as it should, the driver redoubles their efforts often with deadly consequences. Their mind does not accept the feedback that their foot is on the accelerator, and they simply press harder on the accelerator when the car does not stop.

There lies a life lesson—often when something is going “wrong,” I am doing or thinking something “wrong.” Far better for me to stop what I am doing and reflect, than to redouble my efforts in a futile attempt to prove that I am right.

Indeed, I freely admit to suffering from sudden acceleration syndrome of the mind. I have a thought, an undesirable consequence occurs as a result of my thought, and I use the undesirable consequence as evidence that I need to bear down and speed up my thinking.

After all, my ego reasons, I arrived at my thought after careful analysis. Are not my thought and the feeling that goes with the thought “correct”? Often in exact measure to the intensity of my thinking and feeling, the answer is “no.” The reality of the event and how the event is occurring to me is entirely different.

The cure for sudden acceleration syndrome of the mind is simple, and as in driving, easily deployed if we value doing so: We must consider the possibility that we are wrong, take our foot off our mind’s accelerator, and apply the brake. In our practice we must be willing see how addicted we are to defining ourselves, in part, by our misery and insisting it is someone else’s fault. In other words, the “brake” is becoming more aware of our thinking without identifying with our thinking.

I’m already looking forward to when I go back and my children start to drive me around ( luckily they have passed driving me mad when they were younger). In the meantime, I’ll practice taking my foot of my mind’s accelerator and applying the brake for awhile.

This year, I turned 47 years old…and never before have "years" seemed

so "old." I mean no disrespect to anyone older than I – I actually
don’t worry about your age. The box I find myself examining almost daily
as I look in the mirror signals its presence with this persistent
thought – "you’re fading." I find myself blaming physical change on the stressors in my life, or on a lack of free time to…well…I don’t know…do facials, or something. Or I become wistful that my best years have been spent in the company of people who didn’t appreciate my rosy glow when I had it. The thoughts are fleeting, but they are there in their resentful reality: red flags of "the box."

Sometimes I am bothered by the fact that I spend perfectly good thinking time wallowing in dilemmas about coloring my hair or what kind of anti-wrinkle cream to buy or which elixir from the health food store is going to combat free radical damage best. Or I’ll swing to self-disgust – "Really, Lisa, you live in comfort, safety, good health and incredible opportunity. Get over it!"

Perhaps, I think, this is a "stage" in my life, and I will get over it, much the same way I got over crushes on boys, a passion for punk rock, or the worry about choosing a major in university. Maybe my concerns are just part and parcel of being a woman in an appearance-obsessed society.

Which brings me to fresh finger-pointing – I think a lot about the culture(s) in which I’ve steeped, and cast blame there:

Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in an alabaster castle
on a forested, green hill. She was without a doubt the fairest maiden in
the land – silken, ebony hair; starry, limpid eyes; dove-soft complexion; flawless, feminine charms. Every prince in the land aspired to be her shining hero.

Sigh…who could measure up? Why even try?

But, try I have. Thanks for nothing, fairy tale princesses and fashion magazine covers…your magic formulas haven’t worked. The wicked spell of passing time wins in the end.

Sound bitter? It should – "bitter" is a tell-tale sign of self-deception in my life, and I’ve got it bad.
…
Thankfully, the Arbinger-influenced (from the book Anatomy of Peace) thinking of late has shed a light on both "Beauty and the Box" and the girl in front of the mirror.

Have you thought about the box and "beauty?" I’d love to share this conversation with you.

The first of every year marks a traditional milestone for re-framing as people make new years resolutions based upon parts of themselves or aspects of their lives that they wish to improve.


These resolutions may include losing weight, finding a better way to improve grades, continuing education, improving free throw shooting and so on.
The new year resolutions are often met with initial excitement that inspires behavior towards the goals and the beginning of change. However, as time persist the reason for change loses priority or the motivation for the change becomes weak or perhaps the change did not appear to be occurring fast enough and subsequently the person gave up.

Re-framing may be a continuous process that includes factors such as commitment, strategy, action, contemplation, and maintenance.

Just as you and I experience struggles and challenges in meeting their potential people do as well. Maslow’s theory of self actualization proposes that people are internally motivated to realize their potential with continued growth. Therefore, it is likely that people have a vision of what type of person they would like to be and what kind of life they wish to live. When there is a disparity between where people aspire to be and where they an inner drive should inspire a need for change to engage in behavior that would yield desired results.

The Yo-Yo effect. Stress. Confusion. Misguidance. Poor relations are all too familiar troubling factors that schools and teachers face in light of their student's behaviors.

Behavior with Mindset

Many of the students are involved in behaviors that will eventually lead to trouble with the police, families, employers, or educational facilities; or will cause them harm. When they begin to live a lifestyle that does not agree with cultural norms (i.e., drug use, violence, and missing school) they are normally in the precontemplation phase; \"minimizing the need for change\" and \"far from ready to change\". When they begin to face discipline issues because of their actions they enter the contemplation phase, becoming more aware of their behavior.


Questions:

How might aspects of your personality or your various skills and abilities have played a part in the success or difficulty of change?

I couldn't help but add this after reading ksi- on the CHINA product


Blog: http://arbingersea.blogspot.com/2011/06/note-to-pain.html


Pain hurts especially when I'm trapped in my Box.

Pain breaks us ( family, friends and relationships) into two. Pain kills us a little everyday and there’s nothing we can do. Pain shapes us, transforms us into people we thought we’d never be or sometimes people we always wanted to be.

Pain seeps into our lives suddenly, when we least expect it. Pain tricks us into thinking that we can’t take it anymore or that our skin isn’t thick enough to endure it.

Pain cuts through us like a butcher’s knife and we let it. We feed our pain. We listen to sad songs, hold on to memories, watch depressing movies and run towards pain knowing that this is how it’ll all end; tears, sleepless nights, and scars we bury deep. Death, a lost love, distance, abandonment, and a lot more bring us to our knees praying to have the strength to get up again.

After every blow we take, we promise ourselves we’d never give in to the pain again, but as the days go by and as we meet more beautiful people, experience life further, and choose to become who we are today, we risk getting hurt. We risk being vulnerable, we risk inflicting pain on ourselves but then again we talk ourselves into it like we can handle the consequences. Like we’re superman, pain is nothing to us. Like regrets don’t exist and like scars are teachers in disguise.

Like a little kid learning to ride a bike, falling down and getting up again till they get it right, pain pushes us forward; pain makes us appreciate peace of mind.

Pain makes us appreciate wholeness of the heart, pain makes us appreciate our lives and it makes us appreciate ourselves for getting out of every painful experience whole again. Even when we’re missing a piece, we tell ourselves that this was meant to be, that pain was destined to happen, that pain taught us a lesson we had to learn the hard way!

Dear Pain, Hurt and Grieve,

Thank you for making me the beautiful person that I am. Thank you for teaching me everything I know. Thank you for showing me that my Red Flags are alerting my in-the-box momements. Thank you for turning my weaknesses into strengths, my precious moments into memories, my heart into a beating drum, my eyes into a well, and my body into a castle that holds a wealth of stories on every corner.

Right now, all I can do is kiss you goodbye, because what I'm sure of is that from out the box, you are my strength to making a choice I need to make.

Sincerely,
Broken down, but getting up again!

Is confidence than a matter to be concerned about with children--- as too much means bad, and too little may mean low self-esteem?


How can confidence be value-adding characteristic for building trust, conscientiousness and integrity out too? How about compassion- how is confidence influenced by it?

This is a blog post I'm adding in here by a good friend Sherri Hayter, she shared:

I hope you will take the opportunity to watch the following video by Journalist Krista Tippett. She is wonderfully articulate, insightful and compassionate.

You can find the video here: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/krista_tippett_reconnecting_with_...

What do words mean to you? What words do you feel need be resurrected?

If you need her link just let me know- i probably need to find it...

Sorry for what has happened to the parents- Mr & Mrs Zhang - I would like to hold all accountable for causing this to a young, healthy baby- just unacceptable… and nobody should deny the fact that although whats’ happened is happened- how can that be… ? Where is our humanity people?


If this means stemming out all China products I will… but why aren’t things changing is not what I will ask but rather- what can we do to prevent this anymore?

How can we ‘help things go right’ which is an ArbingerPyramid my workplace currently practices in preventing collusion in communities- rather than spending time and effort wasting on ‘what went wrong.’

Its more amazing how some channels are still repeat telecasting the whole wedding—